Hey Renee! Happy Mother's Day! Hope you are doing something fun today with son and nephew. Sweetie, you need to ignore all of the talk. Do positive things and make positive changes and then people will talk about you in a positive way. You know the saying "living well is the best revenge" ? Do that. I have lost about 20 lbs. and feel great. Do something for yourself. Have you thought about moving to get away from all of this? Maybe not far, just to another town.
I guess I'm kind of lucky b/c h and I pretty much had the same friends and they all think he's gone crazy. He makes himself look stupid.Like wearing that dumb shirt to my son's baseball game. Pretty much now the only friends he has are yoooouuung. Not the ones we used to have together. They're all coming with me in the D! lol
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Something else to be surprised about. Although I dont know why I am still not expecting anything to happen. Yesterday my xh told my son he bought his ow a new puppy for mothers day. This would not be a big deal except my xh NEVER like animals, especially in the house. He has changed soooooo much. This just proves how much he is crazy about her I guess. Why do they go ALL OUT for ow? I know, more questions, sorry I was just thinking out loud.
Also I found out that my xh has been talking about me to other people. Saying things like, I am crazy and he had to get an protection order against me. Why cant he just let it go. I am in know way bothering him. How can I stop all the gossip and rumors he is spreading? What would you all do? I have stopped all the craziness but he is still bringing it up to people. How do I address this?
Also he has been bragging about ow, how she looks and so forth. He is showing her off like a trophy. Do they do this? I know that you all have told me not to listen to what anyone has to say about him, but we live in a small town where gossip is stirred. My xh and I are well known, therefore people talk. Obviously I cant shut up everybody I come across.
Something else that bothers me and I cant help it, is my xh has been bragging about all the girls he has went out with. Some people say he is crazy. They say he brags about everyone and claims to have had many women. I wonder if ow knows this? This is a side of him I would have never expected. Why would he say these things knowing it would get back to me? Guys this is not the h I knew. It's like he is trying to be all big for others. Like he is trying to prove something. Crazy! He is saying this stuff to some YOUNG guys that work out at the gym with him. They tell me, I dont even have to ask. They laugh behind is back. I sorta feel sorry for him. People are making fun of him.
Renee, you can feel sorry for him if you want to! LOL IMO, he gets EXACTLY what he deserves! Of course he is going to brag, show-off, etc. about the "new young OW" He is going to "brag" about all of his conquests! LOL Didn't you know that he is a stallion and no matter what his age is, he is the man? LOL Renee, its all part of the same thing. I am quite certain that people are laughing at him and making fun of him. Guess what, even if everyone told him about it, its not going to change a thing. When they come into where you work, they are just doing that to try to provoke you, don't take the bait. Renee, what county do you live in? I'm in Pike.
Something else that bothers me and I cant help it, is my xh has been bragging about all the girls he has went out with. Some people say he is crazy. They say he brags about everyone and claims to have had many women. I wonder if ow knows this?
well he doesnt have much respect for his fiance(sp) either...sorry Reneee shes not an OW. In fact that jerk doesnt have much respect for women in general i would say. why on earth do you want to be friends with a jerk like that?
Your son is 18 and young man able to make his way in life. and his own choices. you use him as a crutch to stay in touch with your xh.
What about your nephew? How is he dealing . you have custody of him ? both of you before the divorce? Is there support involved? I would be more worried about providing for him than your son.
how do you deal with his blather? You take the high road and say nothing back...let him look like the fool. it will all catch up for him
why have you not looked into counseling yet or met with your pastor or looked into local mental health agency. There is help avalailable to you if you get off your duff and look. you spend your time re-posing the same question here and looking for some assurance your xh will be back. No one here really knows BUT the odds strongly suggest he wont.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Renee, The things he's saying will come home to bite him at some point. He's bragging about his conquests to the younger guys because he wants them to think he's still got it. As for what he's says about you to others....it's to justify why he's doing what he's doing. What should you do? Ignore the gossip. People who bring you gossip are going to take gossip right back to him. They want to see what your reaction will be to what they are telling you because they are drama kings and queens. The best way to diffuse such gossip is not to react and/or comment on it. The less you react, the less likely you will hear about it again. Diffuse the siuation by telling the other person, "thank you for being concerned, but I really do not want to hear about it". Stop fueling the fire of the gossips.
Why feels sorry for him? He's the one that has put himself in this position. He knows exactly what he's doing.
Hold your head up high, back straight and continue moving forward. This is your special day, put him and his young chic in the closet and do not bring them out again today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Renee, sorry your here, I haven't posted in a couple of years but your question is a good one, I'm with the rest of the group, the prospect for seeing him come back to the man you knew and be made whole after what he's done is slim, it does happen rarely I have seen it in real life, but the damage done takes a toll, me and my ex have been separated for about five years now, Divorced for for 3 and a half, she married the dirt bag she had the affair with, I've known her for thirty years, and I watched her turn into someone I had never met, she was very moral, her favorite saying was you always have to do the right thing regardless, and she did, she was very classy, extremely smart, she left me for a guy who has been in prison three times for drugs,had been a life long junkie Meth user, robbed and stole to support his habit, has a sixth grade education was his prison evaluation, has since been diagnosed with Hepatitis from the drug use, is now having mental problems, manic depression and Obsessive compulsive disorder, and has an 8 dollar an hour job, when he keeps one, about three years ago she sent me an e-mail calling me and accusing me of everything under the sun, absolute insanity, I never responded and haven't heard from her until a few weeks ago, she forwarded me some financial stuff she had received.
Her dad who was also one of the finest men I ever knew growing up,very religious, helped lots of people good businessman gave back to the community,fantastic father and husband, well he had the big MLC and my ex is the one who found out, she called the OW and ripped her but good, then called her dad and let him have it and called her mom told her, it was horrible, her mom got cancer and died a couple of years later, her dad came to see her before she died she was living with us, he was nice but never apologized to her, he married the other woman and moved across the country, he died of cancer of a few weeks ago, and this is where it gets interesting, I guess on his deathbed he finally expressed a lot of remorse and wished he had never left, and regrets everything and hopes to be reunited in heaven with my ex's mom, very sad.
After his death my ex put his obituary in the local paper, she wrote it as if her mom and dad had never Divorced, and left out his new wife, it a was very Rosie picture, his new wife who lives many states away read it on line and sent her own obituary to the paper and basically said a lot of very hurtful things aimed at my ex, now the friends and family on both sides are having a full blown fight on the newspaper website, and my ex is taking the moral high ground against the affair and the regrets her dad expressed before his passing, which has caused a lot of our friends to ask the obvious, how can she take this position when she did the exact same thing to me and is showing no regret.
Me and my ex did exchange several e-mails, I told how sorry I was to hear about her dad, before he died, and wished her well and she wished me well, I passed her a couple of days ago and she waved for the first time in almost four years, shes been driving a pickup with really loud pipes and her license plate said outlaw, in the last couple of weeks she bought a small car and I think she may be finally starting to come out of the tunnel some, but its been over five years since this started and she's still married to the dirt bag and i think will probably remain so, so the moral is you haft to let them go, this is a long ride, and there's no way to change their mind, only they can do that and they usually don't, so take care of you there's a life out there waiting just for you, if and when he decides to come around more to his old self is his time line and it can take a very long time. Take Care. Livin
Have you thought about moving to get away from all of this? Maybe not far, just to another town.
Happy Mother's Day to you too! No and I will not either. I refuse to run from him.
SoConfused we also have the same group of friends, but 90% of them think he has went of the deep end. The ones that he gossiped to lately were the young guys he works out with.
Something else to be surprised about. Although I dont know why I am still not expecting anything to happen. Yesterday my xh told my son he bought his ow a new puppy for mothers day. This would not be a big deal except my xh NEVER like animals, especially in the house. He has changed soooooo much. This just proves how much he is crazy about her I guess. Why do they go ALL OUT for ow? I know, more questions, sorry I was just thinking out loud.
Also I found out that my xh has been talking about me to other people. Saying things like, I am crazy and he had to get an protection order against me. Why cant he just let it go. I am in know way bothering him. How can I stop all the gossip and rumors he is spreading? What would you all do? I have stopped all the craziness but he is still bringing it up to people. How do I address this?
Also he has been bragging about ow, how she looks and so forth. He is showing her off like a trophy. Do they do this? I know that you all have told me not to listen to what anyone has to say about him, but we live in a small town where gossip is stirred. My xh and I are well known, therefore people talk. Obviously I cant shut up everybody I come across.
Something else that bothers me and I cant help it, is my xh has been bragging about all the girls he has went out with. Some people say he is crazy. They say he brags about everyone and claims to have had many women. I wonder if ow knows this? This is a side of him I would have never expected. Why would he say these things knowing it would get back to me? Guys this is not the h I knew. It's like he is trying to be all big for others. Like he is trying to prove something. Crazy! He is saying this stuff to some YOUNG guys that work out at the gym with him. They tell me, I dont even have to ask. They laugh behind is back. I sorta feel sorry for him. People are making fun of him.
Renee, you can feel sorry for him if you want to! LOL IMO, he gets EXACTLY what he deserves! Of course he is going to brag, show-off, etc. about the "new young OW" He is going to "brag" about all of his conquests! LOL Didn't you know that he is a stallion and no matter what his age is, he is the man? LOL Renee, its all part of the same thing. I am quite certain that people are laughing at him and making fun of him. Guess what, even if everyone told him about it, its not going to change a thing. When they come into where you work, they are just doing that to try to provoke you, don't take the bait. Renee, what county do you live in? I'm in Pike.
BraveHeart I live in Laurel Co. I dont think my xh would be trying to provoke me but his new woman would. XH always got mad and sometimes threaten to bring his ow in, but he never did. The were on the other side of the store and not in my dept. BUT when I go on break I could run into them and he knows that. Also, I help out in other depts. and he knows that, unless he forgot and I dont think he did. Bottom line is, he cant control her, he will do what she wants. She has always gotten her way from what I know, especially since the accident of her son. Her mom tries to make up for it. My xh is trying to please her in any way he can, like buying her the dog. I shouldnt feel sorry for him, but I do. I think his judgement is blinded right now. I could be wrong. I feel like he has given up everything he loves, especially fishing. Remember me saying when we went to court for the epo he stood outside and talked to me and volunteerly told me she was already complaining about him going fishing and he said he told her that she knew that when they started dating? Well I think he probably told the truth EXCEPT for what he said back to her.
Something else that bothers me and I cant help it, is my xh has been bragging about all the girls he has went out with. Some people say he is crazy. They say he brags about everyone and claims to have had many women. I wonder if ow knows this?
well he doesnt have much respect for his fiance(sp) either...sorry Reneee shes not an OW. In fact that jerk doesnt have much respect for women in general i would say. why on earth do you want to be friends with a jerk like that?
Your son is 18 and young man able to make his way in life. and his own choices. you use him as a crutch to stay in touch with your xh.
What about your nephew? How is he dealing . you have custody of him ? both of you before the divorce? Is there support involved? I would be more worried about providing for him than your son.
how do you deal with his blather? You take the high road and say nothing back...let him look like the fool. it will all catch up for him
why have you not looked into counseling yet or met with your pastor or looked into local mental health agency. There is help avalailable to you if you get off your duff and look. you spend your time re-posing the same question here and looking for some assurance your xh will be back. No one here really knows BUT the odds strongly suggest he wont.
I have a habit of saying ow and its easier to type. I want to be friends because of our family. I want to go on with life but get along with him. I cant bad mouth him to son.
I dont use my son as a crutch to stay in touch. My son talks to his dad many times a day sometimes. They have Nextel 2-way phones, so its easy. They talk back in forth. My son usually goes outside or he is in his room with the door shut and locked. (He keeps it locked so no one can bother him). I never ever tell him to call his dad anymore, not in a long time that I can remember.
I did not get custody of my nephew until the divorce was final. He came when xh was already gone. We dont talk about xh around him much. He is well taken care of. My aunt helps out with him alot and they make sure he is provided for. Which helps ALOT. She is a blessing. I figured everyone would say take the high road and say nothing, which I agree. It just hurts to hear people say he is talking about how crazy I acted in the beginning. I did act crazy, so maybe I deserve it. I just wish he could let that go. I guess its the only thing he can find bad about me.lol Really, he cant think of nothing else. He tells the same story to everybody. He knows he did wrong because he is worried about what other people think appartently. Do you all agree?
Also, how can you say it is unlikey when you are in piecing?
Renee, The things he's saying will come home to bite him at some point. He's bragging about his conquests to the younger guys because he wants them to think he's still got it. As for what he's says about you to others....it's to justify why he's doing what he's doing. What should you do? Ignore the gossip. People who bring you gossip are going to take gossip right back to him. They want to see what your reaction will be to what they are telling you because they are drama kings and queens. The best way to diffuse such gossip is not to react and/or comment on it. The less you react, the less likely you will hear about it again. Diffuse the siuation by telling the other person, "thank you for being concerned, but I really do not want to hear about it". Stop fueling the fire of the gossips.
Why feels sorry for him? He's the one that has put himself in this position. He knows exactly what he's doing.
Hold your head up high, back straight and continue moving forward. This is your special day, put him and his young chic in the closet and do not bring them out again today.
Thanks Snodderly, you can always make me feel better. They were saying a lady would walk in the gym and someone would say something about her and my xh would say, "been there done that". lol Also he was telling them he had to fight someone for looking at his gf's xxxx (low cut shirt), he said the cops came and everything. blah blah blah. Why is he trying to be so muncho? I knew he could bull crap but geez. Do they really show off their new women like that. Are they trying to get everyone to envy them? Maybe to prove to theirselves they made the right choice?
Livin, I know what you mean. My xh left and his best friend and his wife along with others tried to talk to him and tell him not to throw away 20 years but he wouldnt listen. A few months later the same best friend left his wife of 25 years! My xh trashed him for it, said he was making a huge mistake and everything. It was actually comicial. Everyone was like, what do you mean, you did the same thing. My xh would say no I didnt, I didnt cheat before I moved out.lol I dont believe this, but if he didnt, he still cheated before divorce. It's funny how they rationalize what they do. It really is. Of course though, xh's boss is the one that got left. She was married to xh's best friend. Is it contagious or what?
