Doing OK so far. Trying to be strong for my kids, trying to be happy for them too, trying to be more compassionate all around, and trying to really enjoy our time together. Really haven't been thinking about their mom much either! I want that to continue! Tonight is the second night the kids are over here this time, and I'll have them again tomorrow night. I haven't mentioned their mom one single time either! And I intend to continue with that too! I have given some thought to all of the pain and disappointment and heartache that people on this board are experiencing...and I just want to say that I am truly sorry for all of these hurtful experiences that people here are having to deal with and go through. I hope that we can all become better and more compassionate people as a result of these experiences...and I hope that we can all be happy and fulfilled on down the line in our lives.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Hi Antlers, just wanted to drop by and see about ya. That was good what you said about the people on this board. I feel the same way. You know, I truly believe that those who stick with the board and work at what the advice they are given, that they do become better people. The marriage may make it or it may not, but the person becomes better. A lot of people whose M did not make it b/c their spouse went through with the D, are still around giving help to others. I think that is great b/c they could chose to leave here bitter and resentful, but they have learned to be survivors and their hearts do finally learn to detach. You asked in your last thread how do you detach mentally? You mentioned "time"......and I think that is the answer. Although I have not had to go through that, I believe from what I have read others say, that "time" is the answer. You will make it Antlers. You have what it takes not to give up. You are a worker and you are a survivor! Hope you will stay around here with us helping others along the way as you grow yourself.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi Antlers, just wanted to drop by and see about ya. That was good what you said about the people on this board. I feel the same way. You know, I truly believe that those who stick with the board and work at what the advice they are given, that they do become better people. The marriage may make it or it may not, but the person becomes better. A lot of people whose M did not make it b/c their spouse went through with the D, are still around giving help to others. I think that is great b/c they could chose to leave here bitter and resentful, but they have learned to be survivors and their hearts do finally learn to detach. You asked in your last thread how do you detach mentally? You mentioned "time"......and I think that is the answer. Although I have not had to go through that, I believe from what I have read others say, that "time" is the answer. You will make it Antlers. You have what it takes not to give up. You are a worker and you are a survivor! Hope you will stay around here with us helping others along the way as you grow yourself.
Sandi
Hi Sandi. I think we'll become better people too! Sticking with the board is really helpful and supportive, and working at the advice we are given is hard and painful. We all want our marriages to make it. Learning to detatch is hard!
Thanks for the positive strokes!
Kids are going out of town with their mom for the weekend, and I'm gonna work all weekend. It'll most likely be a peaceful weekend for me. Sometimes communication, via text, with their mom is all business...other times it's full of anger and resentment on her part. When I say things like "I see how you could feel that way" or "I understand that you feel that way" it pisses her off. She describes it as 'nauseating' and 'disgusting'.
Should I continue to validate her feelings?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Validation is so important in any sort of relationship. I would venture to guess she gets angry when you validate her feelings now because it is what she wanted all along and never got it. Now that you are giving her validation its "too late" in her mind so it ticks her off.
Nevermind that though, validation is important no matter what so I would say keep it up.
Maybe, use a different line then the script you have been given. She may see it as trying to piss her off, let her truly see that you care about her feeling on the subject.
Validation is so important in any sort of relationship. I would venture to guess she gets angry when you validate her feelings now because it is what she wanted all along and never got it. Now that you are giving her validation its "too late" in her mind so it ticks her off.
Nevermind that though, validation is important no matter what so I would say keep it up.
Thank you CityGirl for your perspective. I will keep it up!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Maybe, use a different line then the script you have been given. She may see it as trying to piss her off, let her truly see that you care about her feeling on the subject.
Burt
Maybe. What do you think about what CityGirl said?
Dude...she knows I care! All of our WAS know that we care! We want to keep reminding them though...just so we can feel connected...I guess!
I'm almost certain of this...if we leave them be, and take the pressure off, we would be better off...regardless!
What do you folks think?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Citygirl is exactly right. She knows you care, just trying to figure out whether or not, you have changed for the better, and if the change will last.
No more telling her how much you care, that will do nothing but pressure her, everything she says is fine and dandy, as you go on your mary way, whistling zipidy doo dah out your back end.
Citygirl is exactly right. She knows you care, just trying to figure out whether or not, you have changed for the better, and if the change will last.
No more telling her how much you care, that will do nothing but pressure her, everything she says is fine and dandy, as you go on your mary way, whistling zipidy doo dah out your back end.
Burt
That sounds like good advice...think I'll take it! Thanks.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Validation is so important in any sort of relationship. I would venture to guess she gets angry when you validate her feelings now because it is what she wanted all along and never got it. Now that you are giving her validation its "too late" in her mind so it ticks her off.
Nevermind that though, validation is important no matter what so I would say keep it up.
What do you think about this?
..."Remember her anger is good means she is still conflicted. Sometimes when I was getting my ears pinned back I would smile on the inside because I knew I still had a shot." - Coach
What do you think about it too, dburt?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
