Hello Every one I will get right to the problem as I see it.
I am a starved husband. I have tried just about everything to get my wife to help me out and get an understanding to this. The main problem I have with her is she is extreemly lazy and refuses to do anything around the house with out being asked various times this includes all house hold chores. I have a problem with letting my house become filthy or not having a home cooked dinner for my kids so over the last 4 years of our marriage I have done a majority at least 80-90 percent of all house hold chores along with being ignored and turned away when I seek affection.
After reading the Sex Starved Marriage I noticed some things I was doing wrong such as play groping if I was recieving a hug and the such. I have since stopped this. I can not get her to read anything she hates it. So this book can not help her untill she becomes receptive to its usefullness. She is under the impression that I have a problem and not her. we have sex less than 15 times a year and it is on her schedual when she feels like allowing me to and its always a are u done yet situation. Prioir to our marriage we had an active sex life thatr was great and mentally fullfilling instead of degrading. she says I need to learn to seduce her. How on earth can I do this when I cant get her to help with the kids, the chores, or admit that she needs to help work on this marriage. I have no interest in trying to learn to seduce her when I have no time to do it and she is non responsive to any affective given to her to start with.
Please give any suggestions you may have I am at my witts end and tired of feeling put down and turned into a monk.
Hey husband...please come down to the "sex starved marriage" section of the forum and post your story there. You will get a lot more responses directly relevant to your situation.
If you want help, I can post it down there for you.
Sorry you are in your sitch, but you found a good support site. From my POV, I see a lot of resentment. FORGIVENESS is very important. Dropping the blame and look inward is key to change....
I recommend focusing energy on "FIXING" you. You have 100% control of your thoughts,words and actions. You can not control spouse, but your actions can influence hers.......
You have a lot of work to do.....
Take a look at the books I have listed. NUTS is a good read as well as she comes first.......
Good luck
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I see two separate issues here which you are linking together and using blaming your wife which is stopping you moving forward. What is your end goal? To have a more loving, fulfilling relationship with your wife? Your wife may be happier, and you too, thus having more energy with regard to your home.
It may be that you have to let go of some pride issues here to get towards your end goal - do not confuse this with integrity... I mean this with regards to the house work etc. which I see improvement on this may happen as a happy by product of your improved relationship and sex life.
Your wife has said that she wants to be seduced but you say you can't (or is this more honestly because you do not want to?) because of her lack of contribution to the kids, chores etc. How does this help you move towards your end goal and how are they linked?
What was different about how you acted and how she acted when your sex life was good as opposed to now? Start there, you will get some really great clues as to change things.
You'll be in good company down in the Sex-Starved Marriage forum, as DanceQueen suggests. Please paste your initial post in a new thread down there. You are not alone.
