I’m creating this as a new post on the newcomers section as I haven’t been able to update my existing story for a couple of months now due to serious internet problems, no more downloading music for me I can tell ya!
Some of you may well have been following my story and if that’s the case I apologise for my posts suddenly stopping.
My earlier posts can be found if anyone wants to read them but to quickly recap for anyone who’s not familiar with my situation here goes: • My W announced at the end of October that she was not sure if she loved me anymore – this came totally out of the blue as we have always had what seemed like a perfect marriage and never really had any problems or argued that much. My W said that she was feeling a bit depressed and wasn’t sure if this was the reason behind her feeling this way. • At the end of November my W announced that she didn’t think she was depressed and the problem was me and we mutually agreed that I would live at my parents for a week to give her space and let her clear her head. • We spent December in the home together with me on the sofa and my W kept telling me that we would get through Christmas as best we could for our daughters sake and then make a real effort to sort things out between us in the New Year • Christmas passed and the New Year arrived but instead of keeping her promise to sort things out my W announced that the marriage was over and said that she had only made that promise to keep me sweet. • In early January we had many discussions with both sets of parents and I was reluctantly effectively forced to move back to my parents home to give her more space and time to sort herself out. I stayed at my parents for 3 weeks and then moved back into my home.
That’s pretty much it as a recap on the stuff in my earlier posts but if you do read through them you’ll see that we had the usual arguing of her saying its over whilst I was trying to convince her otherwise, several times when she’s punched or attacked me, so on and so on.
Right now to update a few of the things that have happened since my last post, these may not be in chronological order but things are a bit of a bur at the moment and its hard to remember everything: • I suppose the biggie is that about 4/5 weeks ago she confirmed my worst fears and told me that she is seeing somebody else, I know a few of you mentioned this before and tried to prepare me for it but I’ve gotta say it still knocked me for six and I felt like my heart had been ripped out. She’s seeing some bloke that she met via facebook and says that she loves him and wants him instead of me. This guy lives some way away so she doesn’t get to actually see him very often but I’m sure they’re in contact in other ways. • This is a bit of a strange one, but about a week after telling me about this other guy she moved out of the family home to live next door! The house next door is empty and up for sale as our neighbour has moved in with somebody else. This is ideal from our daughters point of view as she can see either of us whenever she wants. • It was just 2 weeks before her big announcement that things seemed to be picking up and I was given real hope. My W had made plans to spend a Sunday with our daughter so I left them to it and just went out and got on with my own things. Early afternoon I received a call from my daughter saying that mommy had told her to ask if I wanted to go out with them, I made sure it was my W’s decision and not down to my daughter and came home to spend the afternoon as a family. We went out and had lunch and then went to the cinema enjoying each others company as we had before things had kicked off. Over lunch we talked and my W said that she had decided to give it a real go and said that she would spend a week at her mothers to get her head around things and then upon her return we would give it 3 months of serious effort to see what we could do. She told me that she had arranged counselling for herself to try and find out what had caused all of this, and for the first time in months I felt really positive about things. We spent the next week together and got on fairly well and the following weekend she went to her mothers. The following Friday when she returned, I came home from work with a massive bunch of flowers and in a really positive mood thinking this is it 3 months of getting things back on track and that’s when she hit me with the bombshell that she was seeing somebody else! She told me that she had been to her mothers Mon-Fri but had spent the weekend prior with him.
Even before any of this kicked off I had questioned how friendly she was with this guy and she assured me that it was somebody she had gone to school with that she hadn’t spoken to for years, I checked him out on facebook and upon seeing that he was not local decided that perhaps it was all innocent. The second she told me that there was somebody else though I sussed things straight away and actually said his name before she did!
She says that this has been going on since January but I reckon this probably started in some form at the end of October and was the catalyst for everything kicking off in the first place. I’m not just saying this but before October everything really was fine, it’s not just me thinking this way either because almost everyone who knows what is going on is as shocked as me and says that we were the perfect couple who people always thought would be together for ever.
My daughter hated the fact that mommy had got herself a boyfriend and didn’t speak to her for over a week and still says that she NEVER EVER wants to meet him.
The past few weeks have obviously been very very difficult which has led to a relapse on my part and I’ve been trying to talk to her at every opportunity to try and convince her that she’s doing the wrong thing and that we can still make a go of it. I know I shouldn’t have but after a bombshell like that I just couldn’t help myself.
The past few days I’ve managed to get myself back on track, and although it’s killing me inside have not contacted her in any way, if anything it’s the other way round and she’s texting and phoning me for whatever reason.
I hear what she says about this other guy but still think she’s not 100% certain in her own mind as only last week during one of my naughty “pleading” sessions she turned round and said “why do you think you haven’t had the divorce papers through the post yet? It’s because I’ve put things on hold”
I think deep down inside her she knows that what she is doing is wrong and she can see how much she’s hurting our daughter but at the moment infatuation of something new and exciting is stopping her from seeing things clearly.
Despite her infidelity I do still love her dearly and would welcome her back with open arms. I have told her that although what she’s done is like a dagger through my heart I can and will forgive her for this for the sake of our marriage and future happiness. Yeah it will take time I know.
If there’s anything that’s not clear or I’ve been a little vague about just ask. I welcome any advice that people can give me here, be it just to help me get through this on my own or how I can still get things back on track marriage wise.
I am living my life for myself and have got on with things as best I can but at the end of the day I remember how happy I have been with my W and want this again!
I'm just not sure whats happening anymore or what I'm supposed to think. My W continues to tell me in no uncertain terms that our marriage is over and she feels nothing for me yet for the past couple of days she's been phoning and texting me over the most trivial of matters.
As i said in my previous post the discovery that theres OM involved is fairly recent, I know this caused a lapse on my part and I went back to the begging and constantly trying to talk things through with her, but for the last week I have been able to gather my composure again and have tried to distance myself from her and this seems to have made her want to stay in touch with me - does this mean anything or am I just being silly and reading too much into things?
It's gonna be an extremely difficult weekend for me over the bank holiday weekend as my W if off to visit the OM. I've got my daughter for the weekend so will be able to take my mind off it to a certain extent but the time I really struggle is when she goes to bed and I'm left to stew with my own thoughts. I know I've just gotta try to not think about things and torture myself with this but I find it really difficult, especially when I know where she is!
Gonna start reading through my copy of DB again in the hope that this helps, maybe theres something I missed or didn't fully understand last time, but would really welcome advice from anybody out there
Coach said something along the lines of 'you can't control your wife's thoughts, feelings, or actions...so don't even try! You CAN control YOUR OWN thoughts, feelings and actions'! I know it's easier said than done, like most of this stuff is. It doesn't change the fact though that it's good advice and makes sense! Hope it helps some.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
