Hey hows it going obviously not good as we are all here, anyway this is the 5th day of NC with my WAW, lol......I know i say that as if it is some huge accomplishment compared to what is in store for me im sure 5 days is nothing. Basically im writing today because i usually call WAW on sunday to talk to her and see how she is and im struggling very bad to not break NC right now but i really feel that i will break down on the phone with her or that i will lose any ground i might have gained at all if any with her over the last 5 days. Its hard for me because i am questioning the NC because although it is a total 180 for me it is feeding right into her demands she stated she wanted NC with me and that those were her boundries that she could not talk to me until she was over me and then we could be friends...but if i try to get back with her when we are friends that we will not be friends.
The other reason is that i was at mcdonalds today after i got done fishing and i saw a little girl with her mother she was maybe 3-4 she had long blonde hair (W has blonde/brown hair) and was happy as could be. W and I have been discussing children for the past month before she left and felt it was finally going to be time in the next 1-2 years after waiting 13 years. I was pretty sad i wondered did i miss out on having a family because i did not help out around the house enough.
I also am struggling with the NC due to the fact that my W has apologized to me maybe 3x in 13yrs it is just not her way so im scared that going NC is just helping her throw me away.
Finally after my long vent session my ??????
I work shifts basically i work 3 14hr shifts, this week I work Mon,Tues,Wed., and then I am off untill the following Wed. due to my schedule changing to Thurs,Fri,Sat. So I will basically have 7 days off I was considering driving to Ohio and dropping the dogs that she totally adores and misses off at her moms to let her see them. And me if she wanted.....and yes that is the whole problem I dont know if that would be to pushy or pursuey, I dont even think she would see me.
Also the dogs have a vet appt. on 5/5 and she stated that she wants to pay for the vet because they are her dogs. I dont know if i should just let her pay to avoid confrontation of not let her pay because she has always felt like she has to be my mother. So basically i am confused???????
