A Military Spouse.......Is it too late?

[waiting2xhale]

I decided to start my own thread to journal about what I am going thru.

Today I rode past suspected OW's residence. "For Rent" sign in the window. Less than two months from the day I followed him to her house. He moved her out of the area yesterday. She needed to leave, I would hate to bump into her at Target or the grocery store.

He didn't show up for S9 baseball game. Wow, she really has her claws on him. It's sad he's always been active in the kids lives. Now he's looking like a dead beat dad. Comes by when he wants, takes them shopping like he's Daddy Warbucks.

D4 has been having crying fits, tells me she misses her daddy. Does he realize what he's doing to our children?

REALLY? That's all I can say now. It's that serious? Comes home from Iraq in Oct, leaves the house in Jan, and filed divorce in April. After almost 10 years of marriage. Does he really feel she's the one?

I looked online yesterday and noticed he's filed. Why the rush? He's leaving in 3 months, does he really thank that I'm throwing in the towel? No, he needs to think about what he's about to do for the next 6 months.

[waiting2xhale]

I must admit, I did all the wrong things the first 90 days. I cried, I begged, I pursued, and I obsessed with the OW. Further pushing him away.

The first 30 days I didn't know what was going on. I thought maybe he was going through something from being in Iraq. Than I thought maybe he was stressing from the chief exam. (Which he failed because he was too busy trying to run to see her.) I found out about the OW exactly a month later, Valentine's eve. The following 30 days I acted a fool of myself. I felt so betrayed, I've been faithful to this man our entire marriage. Listened to all the stories on how the military spouse moved their OM in housing while their H was deployed. That was never me. I stayed focus on my marriage and the values I was brought up to respect.

I could have busted a few windows or slashed some tires. What he did to my heart was an act of war. But I rose beyond that. So I brought my "beliefs" to the CO. And I say beliefs because they didn't want to say "accusations".

The following 30, I tried to wave the white flag. Give peace to the situation. I stopped my calls, emails, and pursuing. I did occasionaly backslide which backfired in my face with a few arguments. Than last Friday I noticed $420 taken from the savings. I questioned and he said he filed. He had been throwing the D out several times while he had been gone but he really pushed the issue when I went to the command. He claims it's the real reason why he's filing. REALLY? He stated " I never though you would go to the command with our issues" Well you know what buddy, you got the command involved when you started messing with your subordinate.

[waiting2xhale]

It been three months and I'm still not getting a full nights sleep. I've tossed and turned for the past three hours, trying to change the thoughts in my mind. Meds are not working. I've lost more than 10 lbs. I haven't been this size since my first born was 2, that was 12 years ago. Why am I letting this tear me apart? I should be stronger than this. He's sleeping like a baby, probably gaining pounds too.

I need to stop focusing on H, but it's hard. I lost my best friend with no warning at all.

My MIL is confused about it all. She says he showed no signs of being unhappy in the marriage. And family was all he talked about prior to his deployment. He denies the OW to her as well. She says it's hard to know if he's telling the truth over the phone. I thought he would have atleast told her, she's the closest person to him. In the beginning he cut everyone off, wouldn't answer his phone when his family would call. Than they started calling me for answers. I hesitated at first, I shouldn't be the one to tell them. I had already told my family from day one. Well, if this is the person he wants to be with, she'll surface soon. They have too much to lose if it comes out now.

I bought DB and DR yesterday. I think I'm past the point of DB, started focusing on DR.

[FitChik]

Hey,

Welcome to the community. There are many people here with lots of great advice to help you cope and support you during this difficult time. It has been a blessing to me.

I am sorry for the hardship you are facing. It is so hard to have a drastic, unexpected turn of events.

I know you have to be a strong woman to be a military wife & mother. Read DR and start implementing it. Try to not pursue like you have been doing. Backslides are normal - don't fret over them but forgive yourself and move forward.

I'm sure others will chime in and give you a lot of support. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

[waiting2xhale]

Thank you Fit,


Sometimes I question my strength. Do I really want to continue the fight? I don't know anymore. I feel as though all my hard work and dedication was taken for granted. Three deployments, and now a fourth, and he's ready to throw it all away. We just bought our home... we just bought our home. To him, nothing matters. I see why the divorce rate for the military is so high. It's like they program these guys not to have any feelings, just focus on the mission.

Don't worry Fit, I will no longer pursue, I'm done!

[FitChik]

I am going through my first deployment with my H and I don't know how y'all do so many! I am very independent and do fine by myself. But I have no children to worry about!! It takes a very strong, confident woman to do that.

I am sure the mission they carry out lends them to denying feelings.... as in combat they have to. But I know many soldiers who struggle to re-connect after their deployment is over. They stuff it all down and never release it - which causes many more problems in the future.... but it's how a lot of these soldiers cope. I also understand why the D rate in the military is so high.

I can also relate to losing your best friend w/o warning! Ouch!! I know why you feel betrayed. It is an awful, horrible feeling.

Do you have any other supportive friends or outlets? Have you thought about counseling? Get back to the doc for some new meds! A good night's sleep will help out immensely... for both yourself and your family.

[waiting2xhale]

I do have some close friends, but I can tell they're getting tired of hearing about the sitch. I've been seeing my 2 counselor since H left. The first was our MC. And I've been using this site as my outlet.

Thanks for the advice.