This is lengthy so bear with me. I found this today,thought it rather interesting and wanted to see what you all thought. Wasn't sure where to put it but decided it would fit here.Also I didn't copy the entire thing as it was way too long. #1 REAL MEN FEAR REJECTION-REALLY Most men feel women are very critical of them and worry if they open up someone will laugh at them,leaving them rejected & humiliated. Men's egos are more fragile than a woman's and more easily threatened,especially in an intimate relationship. He craves acknowledgement,feedback & knowing he has pleased you. If he feels you will judge him,he won't talk. Not judging means allowing him to say what's on his mind and simply being willing to hear it. Be patient,you may at some point offer an opinion. A man has to feel truly accepted for who he is,not who you want him to be. #2. REVEAL YOURSELF AS WELL There must be mutual disclosure. Show him that you have as much trust in him as he has in you. Give him feedback but don't respond by telling him how wrong he has been looking at something. It's amazing how many men feel tremendously alone. They've been taught it's unmanly to express themselves. Honest and positive feedback is vital. #3. LET GO OF THE PAST When you have "discussions" don't let them turn into a litany of past grievences,the things he did wrong,the ways he's hurt you and what he owes you now. Men cringe when they see it coming. Take responsibility for your part in a situation & see the ways in which you might have contributed to what happened. This does not mean blaming yourself. Just look at the entire situation. Focus on what he did "right" instead of what he did "wrong". The ability to forgive may be just as simple as realizing that what was true a year ago about him (and you) may not be true now. Stay focused on the present. True communication requires the ability to remain in the present & let the past be over when it's done. #4. BECOME A SOLID & SECURE LISTENER Is it even possible to have honest relationships? The assumption is that everybody's going to be honest. The truth is,few people are. The main reason is that the conquences are too big. Many men feel that women want & need to be lied to because they can't take the honest truth. Men don't want to upset them. Many women use their emotions to control men & the relationship. Ask yourself 3 things 1.)How much of the truth can you tolerate 2.) How much do you really want 3.) Do you want your man to be a fantasy figure to you or are you willing to allow him to become real? #5. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF-BE AWARE You can't be true to others if you can't be true to yourself. The best way to help a man to open up is to be open yourself-be natural-be real and exude warmth & acceptance
So,what are some opinions on this? Men & women! pfroglady
Dear Pat, This hit a tender spot in me. I started reading it and broke down crying. Spontainious Tears. I was feeling happy today, I have had a great week with my wife. But wham rite between the eyes grin..
Thanks for posting this. May I ask where it came from?
I wish I could remember who wrote it. I get stuff from ivillage.com all the time and this was in an email I got from there. I went back to check my deleted mail but had so much I had already permanently deleted it !! SORRY!! But you might check that site.I am so sorry that it got to you that way!! I really hope it didn't bring you down too badly!! I have tried so very hard to not bring up the past during discussions and I have succeeded in not throwing the A in his face. I made him a promise when we talked about the A and I told him I forgave him. The promise was that no matter how badly he hurt me,I would be able to liev with what happened and that even though I might still be hurting,I would never ever "throw it up to him" when we had an arguement or disagreement. Now we have discussed it a few times but not when we were upset or angry...just when we felt we needed to discuss what had happened to our R. My H has always had a problem talking about his feelings but it has gotten much better over the past year. I have shown him that I will listen to what he has to say and I have shown him that I will never laugh at his feelings or try to make him feel bad about what he thinks or feels. I know my H feels that he can't be totally honest with me because he thinks I couldn't handle the truth. But the thing is I don't want lies!! I would rather him be honest and tell me he really won't tell me me because he is trying to keep me from pain. I just don't want him "making things up" or tell me what he "thinks" I want to hear. Anyway...hopr you can find the article. I will try myself and see if I can dig it up. Pat
They were not bad tears. I am a bit suprised at my reaction. I guess my reaction was from feeling validated about my needs. That I am not crazy or strange or some how broken.
You are such a sweet lady, I think Pfroglady is a princess. You husband is a very lucky man.
Thanks so much for sharing this.
I am looking forward to someday sharing this article and the five Love languages book with my wife.
((((ERIC)))) THANKS.....YOU MADE MY DAY!!!! Glad to hear that I didn't make you sad! Everyone makes mistakes and no one deserves to have those mistakes held over their heads the rest of their lives. People can be truly sorry for the things they did and can make up for the mistakes they made. I don't think I am in anyway special for forgiving my H. I love him with all my heart and I have always felt that if God can forgive me for my sins,how can I not forgive others! You sound like a man knows he has made mistakes,accepts responsibility for them and is trying hard to make up for them. You also sound like a man who can forgive others their mistakes. You sound like you love your W very much and will do everything you can to make your R with her a happy and fulfilling one. I think she is lucky to have you for her H!! I hope that she will get the help she needs and soon you will start to see some real changes. Try to stay strong! Remember that you have a friend who will support you,comfort you,help in any way possible,pray for you and above all be here for you!! Pat
Wish I could show this to my W - extremely powerful message here. Maybe one day... 
!! SORRY!! But you might check that site.I am so sorry that it got to you that way!! I really hope it didn't bring you down too badly!! 
