I received my final divorce papers today, it is a sad day in my life I feel that I have lost the woman I deeply and truly love forever. I have taken advice from here and the books as well as others and I am not sure where to go from here. I want to remain faithful and supportive of my now EX wife and her decision to divorce me. I still have hope though that we may re establish a new relationship down the road. Am I dreaming or should I just forget it? I am not sure I can read her anymore on any possible feelings that she may or may not have for me and might not be telling me.
I guess it is what it is now all legal like and I will press on one day at a time. I still keep on my wedding ring and some of my friends call me nuts but I feel it is a personal decision that should be respected by others not made fun of. Am I wrong for wearing it? I still have hope and faith that one day we will be together again, I don't know when the hope is suppose to end though, but for now I will keep on.
Thank you all for all of your words to me and all the others dealing with the same problems I am dealing with.
Sorrow
Met W2B 2/9/2000 M 2/9/2002 S 11/5/2008 D Finalized 4/16/2009 SS 17 SD 20 D 15 S 16 Keeping the faith that we will be together once again ILYBNILWY
As I have read, you still have a chance if they haven't remarried. I am new, but thought I would throw that out there.
I am sorry that it came to this. I am sure that you are feeling quite sad. *hugs*
As for your wedding ring, that is your decision alone to make. Do not feel pressure from anyone else because it is about what you need and how you feel. I am kind of sad that I gave my ring back to my H. I did so out of anger and spite. It was his grandmother's and she sent it to him as a request by his mother. It was so special to me. I became allergic to it after my brain surgery and couldn't wear it for quite some time. I had just recently started being able to wear it again. I miss it and what it represented to me. I also gave it back as it was a family piece of jewelry. I didn't feel right keeping it. *sigh* I want him to put it back on my finger!
You will feel better in time. Who is to say how long that will take, but it will happen. I wish you peace in your heart and the ability to be the best you that you can be to help ease your sorrow.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
Thanks for the kind words, at one time I did give it to her and told her out of anger/sadness to keep it that I did not feel there was any chance of me keeping it on my finger. But she brought it to me one day said she thought I might want the ring back and I said yes I do it represents so much to me. Now it is just gonna be a day by day struggle and no she told me that it was gonna probably be a very long time until she thought about going out or even thinking about marriage again.
I hope that he does put that ring back on your finger for you some time... be strong and do whats right for you right now. Hell who knows maybe I can re marry my EX W someday with a a fresh start!!!!
Met W2B 2/9/2000 M 2/9/2002 S 11/5/2008 D Finalized 4/16/2009 SS 17 SD 20 D 15 S 16 Keeping the faith that we will be together once again ILYBNILWY
My divorce papers come through in six weeks after my wife dropped the bomb at Christmas. I am now living in a friends house and missing her and D11 and S7. It is all happening so quickly, I cannot believe after 15 years our R ends completely after 6 months of heartache and hell.
I, like you will continue to wear my wedding ring after our divorce. I have not discussed this with anybody but I want to continue to show what marriage represents to me (a life long commitment). I know people would say she will treat you like a doormat as she knows how you feel and will always use you like a safety net if anything happens in the future, but I cannot and will not just give up.
As long and tough as it is going to be, I will continue to try and show her I have made permanent changes and hope one day we will be back together and hopefully re-marry. I still have roughly six weeks before the papers come and I will continue to GAL, PMA etc, which is hard, but whatever happens we must remain strong and continue to do the right thing.
I will be thinking of what you are going through now and please be assured everyone iss right behind you.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Thanks so much for the support it means a lot to me. Yes mine went very quickly after sitting in the court room for appx 2 or 3 months. I started to think maybe she was doing that for a reason and soon realized that it was just due to her very hectic schedule with school and working 2 jobs right now to keep things going.
I have gotten my self down to maybe calling her once a week and being very short (2min) just to say hello and ask her if she is ok and how she is doing. I don't tell her I love her or get all mushy on her she all ready knows I love her and that is it I hang up. I have found that she calls more often looking for me or leaves messages saying the same. I never really gave her time to miss me as I was always pressing her with things like we can work this out and lets talk about this when what she needed as time to sort her self out.
Women want to be wanted not NEEDED and I was all backwards on that. We saw each other briefly yesterday after we had each received our notice from the court and the first thing she asked was if I was Ok. I told her yes Im ok and so are you we will both be ok! She then asked why I was wearing my ring still and I told her it was a personal decision to show my faith, and support of my marriage to my wife and family and what the ring means to me.
I will continue to wear it. If you feel you should wear yours that is your desicion and yours only. Keep your convictions and your faith. Work hard each day to make yourself feel better for you and your kids. I know it is hard for all of us but we can only take it day by day. If it was meant to be then it will be, but remember it all takes time. We cannot fix years of hidden or ignored problems in a day. Good luck to you my thoughts and prayers are with you my friend
Sorrow
Met W2B 2/9/2000 M 2/9/2002 S 11/5/2008 D Finalized 4/16/2009 SS 17 SD 20 D 15 S 16 Keeping the faith that we will be together once again ILYBNILWY
Women want to be wanted not NEEDED and I was all backwards on that.
You're not alone here man. Nearly all of us make this mistake for a good while. Check out this pearl of wisdom from Coach:
"Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."
Isn't that just good stuff?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Wearing a ring is definitely a personal decision - I chose to remove mine.
The ring was given to me by W as a sign of her commitment to me - a symbol of a promise to be with me even in the bad times, to be with me til death parted us, and to forsake all others.
The promise that the ring symbolized is gone - so the ring itself is meaningless.
Now, if you have re-assigned the ring as a symbol of your commitment to marriage as an ideal - then that's something else, and you should wear it with pride!
I like your take on the symbolization of a wedding ring, and personally I will continue to wear mine as a symbol for the marriage ideal, and a smattering of commitement shown by ME, not my wife.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
