I have a couple challenges facing me in my marriage. Wife said she is not attracted to me and does not have husband wife feelings. Once this announcement came out 6 weeks ago we have been in a bad place that just keeps getting worse. Her cell bill went up over $200..red flag. Checked it and some one from her past was texting with her at day and night. This all coincided with my W getting on facebook in mid February. I then check the phone bills and she was talking to him at all hours...he lives in a different state. Presented the issue and had a heated discussion and she said he was gay. She then starting saying I was smothering her. She put a password on her cell and is constantly on it. The bill came from last month and it is 200 again. Checked the home phone and it has calls as soon as I leave for work in the moring to this person. Pressed the issue and she told me I just think I know what it is but it is not sexual. Bad me for accusing her a third time. So this is where I do something that turns my stomach....i begin to check emails and there are pictures and racie emails back and forth. I am now on a business trip and i get a hold of emails where my W is dressed a certain way going to bed and waiting to call him to tell about it and talking of meeting up and details of a possible meeting that may have already happened. Confront her and she says i am making things up. I haven't provided the proof. She turned it around on me and i was bad for twisting things and threatening to produce the proof. So we had a talk and she does not want to reconcile. She just wanted to keep things the way we are now...nothing happening between us. She is a stay at home mom and we have two young children. We were trying to go to counseling and she did want to, saying a few month ago it would have been good but it is gone. So it was decided we would pursue divorce this morning while I am traveling.
There is more but this was long winded enough. The end of the tunnel is very bad as we have debit galore upside down on houses and living in a very expensive area for apartments. I think the adage "ignorance is bliss" is very appropriate in this case. I actual thought we were going to try and get help. The emails are stuck in my head and keep flashing in my mind. I just cant stop thinking about the emails for more than 30 minutes. As well as how she keeps insisting there is nothing happening. How can I wipe them out? Has anyone been in this situation?
M43 W38 D9 S6 M13 T15 Grenade 01/10/09 1st bomb 03/16/09 2nd bomb 07/22/09 1st thread Desperate for direction
Yes, me. Two years ago. I know EXACTLY how you feel. SAHM. Almost sexless marriage. Always SWORE she'd never have an affair, because she had no interest in sex, and yet there it was -- the e-mails, the texts. She was 46, and he was 28, and lived at home with his parents!
I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach.
What do you want to do? Do you want to fight for the marriage? This is all pretty typical "script" stuff, and I can help you bust up the affair, but the reconciliation is gonna be hell-on-wheels.
I really still have feelings and feel it could be better but she says no way. Not sure what happens at that point. My answer is yes hit me with the stuff.
M43 W38 D9 S6 M13 T15 Grenade 01/10/09 1st bomb 03/16/09 2nd bomb 07/22/09 1st thread Desperate for direction
Tell her you know what's going on, but it needs to stop -- now. That it's incredibly disrespectful to you, and to your marriage. Tell her you have no intention of sharing her, and you love her, and you want to fight for your marriage. If she starts to lie to you, put your hand up in the "STOP" position and say "Stop it. We both know you're lying right now, so please stop -- it's very diserspectful."
Do NOT tell her how you know, or reveal any of your sources of intel. Just tell her that you do, and you want to work on your marriage, including any complaints that she has with you, but that you can't do that with a third person in your marriage.
DON'T BEG. Just be businesslike, matter-of-fact, but earnest.
If this is in person, tell her you have to go, and if it's on the phone, make some excuse to end the call. BE BUSY, intense, but not mean or a dikk.
Sorry been gone awhile. Going to counselor together weekly (week 2). It seems pretty dead on for a mid life for the W. Says it is over with OG and is not worth throwing our marriage away. Still not attracted to me but “loves me”. Seems to be all about the kids and nothing about us as the reason to try and mend and see counselor. But that is fine. I am at the point of resentment. Feeling like I am holding the bag and waiting for her to come to. She said and did things that just keep hurting. The proverbial “gift that keeps on giving”. I have been able to block it most of the time, but it creeps back in every now and then. So much coming up but the dust just has not settled. Mother’s day, Anniversary , family graduations. The being together and marriage anniversaries have me worried. I am not sure what in the world to do? Do we celebrate? Do we exchange gifts? I am really stuck. One side of me says we really are hanging by a thread so what is there to celebrate. On the other hand what if she is expecting something, a good will gesture, or something of the sort. Does it push us back to square one as it would be something that could be viewed as intentionally done to be hurtful.
M43 W38 D9 S6 M13 T15 Grenade 01/10/09 1st bomb 03/16/09 2nd bomb 07/22/09 1st thread Desperate for direction
Sorry been gone awhile. Going to counselor together weekly (week 2). It seems pretty dead on for a mid life for the W. Says it is over with OG and is not worth throwing our marriage away.
Do you believe her that she's no longer in contact with this other guy? What do the phone records indicate?
