The adventure continues--part 3

[AFWAW]

Well, no contact from the wife last night or this morning. Going on month 3 now. I called and left a message on her phone that I could not do lunch today due to work obligations. My daughter made the comment sarcastically this morning that is sure was nice of Mommy to call last night. I didn't say anything. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens and keep living my life like she's not coming back as it has been so eloquently put on this forum that you can't believe anything they say and only 50% of what they do. What I wouldn't give to read minds for a month...

[SmileysPerson]

Par for the course. Keep on keepin' on.

[PortlandDad]

Honestly, would you really want to know what she is thinking? It seems to me that would be like trying to get into the head of a sociopath.

[AFWAW]

I would like to know what she is thinking. Haven't you ever watched that movie, "What Women Want"? Mel Gibson worked those women well. But hey, it's just a movie. I saw that his real-life wife filed for divorce yesterday.

[FitChik]

Honestly, would you really want to know what she is thinking? It seems to me that would be like trying to get into the head of a sociopath.

Haha! I agree! :-) It sure would be nice to understand sometimes...

[AFWAW]

Well, the last thread locked up and it's been 2 months and 9 days now. Yesterday was hell for me and today I'm not feeling that bad. It's really hard to gauge how my emotions will be from day to day. I am cautiously optimistic regarding our lunch date today. My sitch has evolved from I want a divorce today to I just want to be on my own/I need a break to I still love you and don't want a divorce to I'm leaning towards coming home to I'm not sure, one day I want to come home and one day I don't. If my wife could have seen my daughter last night crying and frustrated I wonder if she would have felt any guilt? My daughter said to me I want her to come home but I want her to change? I said how so? She said, well she gets mad too easy. Ok, she does sometimes. I did point out that she is fun to be around to and that she is super sweet also. She agreed. I said no one is perfect and we all have our own faults. I told her we cannot control how others behave only ourselves. She agreed and I think felt a little better.

Well, wish me luck on my date.

[PortlandDad]

Good luck man. Keep the expectations low low low and things should be just fine.

As far as the sitch goes, I hear ya. I know that in my sitch, guilt has done absolutely nothing to bring the W back to her senses. The kids, her parents, and me all piled it on thick back in the day and it only served to push her away further. She knows what she is doing is wrong, and making her feel bad about it isn't working to bring her back.

Unfortunately, if I did know what works besides time to get them back, I'd be writing a book and making a bazillion dollars selling it to people like us!

Stay the course my brother!

[AFWAW]

Yeah, I'll try to keep my expectations low. I don't want to have another sleepless night. And I hear what you're saying about the guilt thing. I won't mention it as it will probably push her further away, like you said.

I know it's about her, not about us. I will continue to practice what I preach to my daughter and continue to work on me.

Thanks!

[AFWAW]

Wow, just got back from my "date". She was really, really friendly. I listened, validated and didn't interrupt. She talked a lot about work and told me that all the girls at her work got hit on a lot. She told me where she's turned down so many guys and didn't understand the attention from just changing her hair and getting in shape. I said well, for one thing you look great and you're very pretty. She said, how come you didn't tell me that stuff before. I said, because I wasn't affectionate and didn't give you the attention you deserved and I'm sorry. She seemed to appreciate it. She asked again if I was doing ok on money. Yep, no problems. I actually went grocery shopping last night and got some pretty good stuff for me and my daughter. I was actually surprised it was payday. I guess it's where I don't just buy stuff to buy stuff. Anyway, she told me she only had 30 something dollars the day before payday and she had to make a budget and that she had spent $250 on groceries the night before. WTF???? That much for one person? She said, yeah, I've got a bunch of stuff I basically don't need and I've already blown my budget for this payday.

She asked why my daughter didn't call her last night. I said well she had a lot of homework and was studying for a big test and she was kind of frustrated and overwhelmed. She said she didn't miss that. I said that it was no big deal, I handled it. She said I know you did.

She then proceeded to tell me about a job opening at her work if I got promoted. I listened and didn't say anything. I wanted to say that I wouldn't be comfortable working in the same building if she was going to proceed with a divorce but didn't as I felt this would have invited contraversy. We talked for about an hour--really, really pleasant conversation.

As we left in the parking lot, she thanked me and said she had a really good time and asked if I wanted some PDA? Sure, so I got a really long hug and kiss.

Overall, I'll call it a positive interaction. She seemed to want to talk and talk and seemed to be very comfortable around me. I want to say she's stll contemplating coming home but hey we'll see. Don't know what else to do but keep making changes and improvements and letting her see them.

[AFWAW]

Well, no contact last night from the wife and I really didn't expect any as she is working nights. However, that's three days now for my daughter with no contact. My daughter is becoming more visibly upset about the sitch as time progresses it seems. I don't want to try to predict the future but I think my wife is close to making the decision to come home. From the way she is acting that is. Her actions are 180 degrees out from where they were two months ago. I believe she is conflicted on how to make the move to come back home. I am praying the she will see an opportunity and take advantage of it and come home. I have not given up hope yet. It seems when I do, there is something that changes my mind. We'll see what this week brings since there will be little opportunity for the wife to interact with us due to her work schedule.