Do us a favor sunshine....start posting some of the things you are doing for you. If you go out with your friends then post it. You don't have to tell everything you do, but once in awhile post something you do for you.
All we see here is the stuff you "vent" about so that is all we have to go on. Give us another side of you.
2 boys in your home to feed? I thought you only had one son? How old is the other boy?
I got custody of my 9 year old nephew. FUll custody. I am going out this afternoon with a friend to eat and then we are going shopping for groceries. After that i will probably stop over at another friends house for awhile. Then got to get my nephew ready for school tomorrow. So see I am getting out. I will try to post about what I do from now on. Ugggg, I need to clean this house. BUT I can ALWAYS do that. I am however dissapointed right now. This guy has been asking me if he could call me and I told him yes then he doesnt call. I sent him an email asking what he was doing Friday (I am off work) and he said he didnt know yet. He didnt mention NOTHING about getting together or calling me. I feel rejected and NOT wanted. I HATE this!
Renee, Your self-esteem has taken a beating and that's why you feel like no one is going to want you. A lot of people will step back from someone who is going through a divorce or has recently been divorced because they do not know what to say or how to act around us. I went through this a long time ago. You do feel like a third wheel many times, but you know what, you will get through it and will see the light of day again. It takes a while. Divorce is just like a death, except you do not have the closure you have in many cases of people dying.
BTW, you cannot depend on others to make you happy. Happiness comes from within and you have to learn to love yourself and be the best company you can be to yourself. Learn to do things by yourself and do not rely on others to keep you company. It's not difficult to go to a movie or out to eat by yourself. You just have to take those first few steps.
Be kind to yourself, but do not expect things to change over night. In many instances, you have to makes the changes before anything else in your life will change.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This guy has been asking me if he could call me and I told him yes then he doesnt call. I sent him an email asking what he was doing Friday (I am off work) and he said he didnt know yet. He didnt mention NOTHING about getting together or calling me. I feel rejected and NOT wanted. I HATE this!
Men think differently about the dating ritual. For example, when a Man says he will call you later, that means later in life, not necessarily later that day or this day. Also, making commitments for a date on the spot is not a very good ideal. He may just have to make sure he didn't forget other plans before committing to you.
Don't take what he does or doesn't to literally. It may not mean he's rejecting you at all. Your just very sensitive right now. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I am sorry but right now I feel like no one wants me and is ever going to want me. Is this normal?
This is 100% normal and it happens to every single one of us who attempts to DB, no matter our circumstances.
In a day or so you need to tell your son in no uncertain terms that you are not interested in idle conversation regarding his father or what is going on in his father's life. If your son can not respect that, he needs to live elsewhere because at this point he's just adding to your pain and he is old enough to realize that, be sensitive and knock it off. Just tell him to stop it. Don't be whiny or wishy washy, just tell him you don't want to hear anything else about his father unless his life is in danger and only your blood can save him and then you can tell him you'll get back with him on that. Am I clear? You HAVE to do this for YOU. Now straighten up that backbone I know you have and do it!
Now, as for being alone forever and/or no one else ever wanting you, that's in your hands. If you take care of yourself and act on the things all of us are telling you you can transform yourself from this shattered woman into a vital, attractive, healthy and stable woman that can take on the world. But it starts with listening. It truly does. To us. Who have been there. ALL of us have been there in some form or other and have heeded the same kind of advice. Well almost all of us. There's always one or two that just screw off and talk the talk without walking the walk but the vast majority of us can back up what we are suggesting by telling you of our own experiences. Many of the women here have done that. I think you skim those posts though...
Renee, do you remember when I asked you to look back at your marriage and yourself honestly and tell us about your failures within the marriage? I think it is time for you to embark on Part 2 of that exercise now.
Part 2 is when you open your eyes and take a realistic look back over the marriage and the actions and behaviors of your husband. The ways in which HE failed YOU. I want you to do that and tell us the ways in which you think HE failed. The reason I am asking you to do this now is so you can get a balanced picture in your mind's eye of your relationship. It is important to do that because if you only complete the first part, you're going to do exactly what you've been doing: feeling down about yourself. The personal (and ongoing) reality check you've had about yourself as a person and a wife is only one half of the picture God saw of your marriage. I want you to pray for the eyes to see the other half. I think that will help you to gain some perspective.
We will talk more after I read that you have done that.
First off I had a good time with my friend, having dinner and then shopping for groceries and such. Had to buy a new vac. cleaner, because my son gave xh mine awhile back. Vac. cleaners are so high! Anyway also thank you to everyone for sticking with me. The guy I was talking about did email me back, just something simple. Still didnt ask me out to dinner though. I guess Kerry and I will have to go fishing for my first date.lol
Now, AmyC, I will try my best to do this. I will list some things as I remember them. I dont know if it is what you want, but I will try. First, truthfully my xh was a good man. (I know you said the bad things but I will get there.), he was a good provider, not once did he let us down in that way. He always took care of us money wise. The main issue was HIS LYING! *xh lied constantly. He would lie about the simplest things and I would have to cover for him. He would take me by surprise alot. It was embarrassing at times. I probably couldnt count the times he lied to me and I DIDNT catch him. *From Lying comes DISTRUST. I dont think I ever trusted him fully. He even said this after he left, he said I never trusted him. AND he is right. I would trust him with my life, that kind of trust, but in the last few years, especially after becoming a cop, I wouldnt trust him alone with other women or, in some cases even with money. *His attitude! Attitude with me and or our son. Yes I can be a pushover when it comes to my son, what mother isn't, but my xh did not know how to talk softly or displine without SCREAMING and CURSING. I especially noticed this AFTER he became a COP! If my xh did not get his sleep out he was awful to live with. (my son is the same way). I have read up on NPD and I think they both (xh and son) have these symptoms. Lying is a BIG ONE with this disorder. Stretching the truth especially. Son DOES THIS TOO! XH became very cocky in the later years. He knew EVERYTHING and I knew nothing. That is the way I felt. He was NOT SENSITIVE to my feelings. Never wanted to talk about things. He would sometimes give me a few minutes and then that was it, the conversation was over when HE said it was over. If I was not finished talking, too bad. I would say about 75% of the time he was like this.
I had to live with the cop in him. I lived with the ups and downs of his life, as I was suppose to. For better or worse right? I lived with him through his years as a Fire Chief, which was also stressful. This new girl will NOT have to face what I did in that aspect, because he is no longer a cop and no longer a Fire Chief. He no longer has that stress. He gave ALL that up a few months before he left me and our son. His words: "Too Much Stress....I Was Unhappy, Had To Leave".
Ok, AmyC, is this what you wanted. These are the main things/ways that I feel like he let me down. They may be cheesy but they hurt. I may have added too much, sorry if I did.
P.S. Who needs a therapist when they have Amy and the crew.
Guys I need your opinions on this, (even though I think I already know the answer). Today is my xh's birthday. This will be the first in 21 or so years that I haven't shared with him. Yea, it's depressing. My question is, should I send him a text saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY or should I not let him know I am thinking about him on his birthday? I say text because he doesnt answer if I call, and I dont think I would anyway. It's been awhile since I talked to him.
"You know you are getting better when you stop counting the days" This is my new quote.
