So my husband cheated on me. He is still in the house. We still do everything together except touch, kiss or be intimate. The affair was brought to light 7 months ago. We went to MC for 5 months and he said it wasn't helping so of course we stopped going. He says if he didn't want to be here then he wouldn't be. He thinks he is going through a MLC i.e. doesn't know if he wants to be married, grass is greener on the other side, wants to see if he can take care of himself for once. Well this past week he has improved on some things. He has helped w/yard work and other numerous projects around the house, he has also been helping friends and family out with pc problems, he's an IT, and he has been coming home regular time from work, all of which he hasn't done since the affair started last summer. I take all of these things as signs that things are moving in a more positive direction. So what does it mean when he "forgets" to wear his wedding band for 7 days in a row? How do you forget to wear something you barely took off your finger for 6 1/2 years? Should I just trust him that he is forgetting it or read more into it like maybe he is seeing her again and doesn't like wearing it as a reminder he is married or that if he doesn't wear his ring means he is at the point he doesn't want to be married? I am so confused and just ready to give up. This whole DB'ing is so hard when you are so hurt and just keep getting hurt. What's the point of staying with someone when they just aren't willing to give in the effort it takes to get past all the hard times and heal? Can marriages actually get past the betrayal of affairs and actually be good? At this point I just don't know if its possible. Especially if I am the only one doing all the work.
I am willing to bet that at one time or another, the burden wasnt shared between you equally. Things change, sometimes hes carrying 85% of it and you carry 15%, sometimes you carry 98% of it and he can only carry 2% of it.
Whats so wrong with that? I think that you are moving in a positive direction, but there are always difficulties and setbacks. Can you tell him how important it is to you that he remember to wear his ring? "After what happened last year, it really makes me sad/anxious/nervous/hurt/worried when you forget your ring."
And yes, they can heal, but only if both partners can get to a place where they can both try to make it work. Maybe he isnt quite there yet, but it does sound like he is starting to try. Maybe he is still grieving for the ending of the affair. Disgusting, I know, but it does happen. And if he can really come to understand what he did to you he will never want to hurt you, or your family like that again.
Its always worth it, and you can know that you are doing the right thing, as long as you always do the right thing you will never have to answer to anyone but yourself.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
