HELP! Is ML to try to reconnect a mistake?

[trampledheart]

Love this song... It kind of reminds me of MLCers whose weakness turns their egos up, and turn them into another..and they are asking us dig them out of what's covering the better part of them...

"Dig"
by Incubus

We all have a weakness,
but some of ours are easy to identify,
look me in the eye,
and ask for forgiveness,
we'll make a pact to never speak that word again,
yes, you are my friend.

We all have something that digs at us,
at least we dig each other.
So when weakness turns my ego up,
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday.

If I turn into another,
dig me up from under what is covering
the better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other,
when everything else is gone.

We all have a sickness,
that cleverly attaches and multiplies,
no matter how we try.
We all have someone that digs at us,
at least we dig each other.
So when sickness turns my ego up,
I know you'll act as a clever medicine.

If I turn into another,
dig me up from under what is covering,
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other,
when everything else is gone.

Oh, each other when everything else is gone.

Ooooh....

If I turn into another,
dig me up from under what is covering,
the better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other,
when everything else is gone.

Oh, each other, when everything else is gone.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Are you crazy to keep trying?

No.

You said you wanted to be married.

That is my goal, barring abuse on his end, all the rest is secondary. It is not a game or popularity contest for me. I also don't like it when people defend me or use me as an example, (thanks though).

If this is MLC there is no quick fix, if not mistaken you have been doing this for 2 years? So you know that. Things that work in other situations...don't work here until the MLCer starts coming out of it...and that only happens, maybe, if enough time has passed.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

: ) The song that reminds me of the LBSer, compared to the MLCer and the OW/OM?

Sometimes is all about being masocistic and asking for more. Sometimes its seeing how far your breaking point is...and not finding it, and knowing, God forgive me, that you're better, stronger, smarter, more moral than they are, and more capable of doing the impossible. : )


"You Wouldn't Know"
by HellYeah


You couldn't be, you couldn't be me even if you wanted to,
Everything I've been through.
Live your life, soaking up all my sunshine,
And smile your whole life,
I wouldn't know

18 wheels are rolling,
18 wheels are crushing,
Me down,
Running me down
Cars are crashing
Cars are crashin, all around me
Running me down,

All my days are numbered,
All my days are grey,
All my skies are covered,
All my ends are frayed,

You couldn't be, you couldn't be me even if you wanted to,
Everything I've been through. You wouldn't know
Live your life, soaking up all my sunshine,
And smile your whole life,
I wouldn't know

Lightning's crashin'
Thunder's rolling all around me,
Bringin me down
Stars are falling,
Fires lighting all around me,
Burning me down

All my days are numbered,
All my days are grey,
All my skies are covered,
All my ends are frayed,

You couldn't be, you couldn't be me even if you wanted to,
Everything I've been through. You wouldn't know
Live your life, soaking up all my sunshine,
And smile your whole life,
I wouldn't know

Feels like I'm falling down,
Inside a fever rising,
Buried my life deep in the ground,
Left my existence lying, so lets go

You couldn't be, you couldn't be me even if you wanted to,
Everything I've been through.
Live your life, soaking up all my sunshine,
And smile your whole life,
I wouldn't know


Give it a listen on Youtube.

Find a theme song for yourself TH, ok? One that fills you with fire and determination.

[brandnewday]

And this was one of the songs I used to listen to.....

After all you put me through
You'd think I'd despise you
But in the end I wanna thank you
'Cause you made that much stronger

Well I thought I knew you
Thinking that you were true
Guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff
Time is up, 'cause I've had enough

You were there by my side
Always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out in shame, mmm hmm

After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that
I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong

'Cause if it wasn't for all
That you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never saw it coming
All of your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in on a good thing
Before I'd realized your game

I heard you're going 'round
Playin' the victim now
But don't even begin feelin' I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave

After all of the fights and the lies
Guess you're wanting to hurt me
But that won't work anymore
No more, uh uh, it's over

'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now
And never back down
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this man I thought I know
Turn out to be unjust so cruel?
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to see the truth

You tried to hide your lies
Disguise yourself through
Living in denial
But in the end you'll see
You won't stop me

I am a fighter
(I'm a fighter)
I ain't gonna stop
(I ain't gonna stop)
There is no turning back
I've had enough

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Thought I would forget
But I, I remember
Yes I remember
I'll remember

Thought I would forget
But I remember
Yes I remember
I'll remember

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter.

[trampledheart]

I'm feeling a little blue right now...

My D21 left with her friends today to spend the weekend at the Stagecoach concert (it's a Country Music Concert and it's a whole weekend event).

I feel like time had stood still for me these past 2 yrs and H's light years away...

I know that if it's MLC that it will take time, and even then, there are no guarantees he'd come back... That makes me feel so hopeless. Especially with all the changes and activities and experiences he's had - while I stood still waiting.

I left everything the same...all his things that he left are still right where he's left them... Our portrait that I painted years ago still hangs on the wall. Framed family photos are all still the same. Only the bed feels like its just my bed now...

H's got a better life now, so why would he want to come back? He's been doing things he's never done all the years I've known him. The OW taught him to sail on her boat, she's taught him to scuba-dive, she's gotten him to camp, hike, and mountain climb, they've sky-dived, traveled everywhere, Canada, Cabo, Germany, and now they're in Rome...

We've never done any of those things... They've had more fun and adventure than we've had in all the years together.

He hadn't told me any of this, I got bits and pieces from our D21 and on their social websites... they have photos sky-diving, scuba-diving in Cabo, camping in the Sequoias, hiking in Joshua Tree and Utah...

All I've done is visit friends in Seattle a couple of times...

Bleh......

[brandnewday]

((((hugs))))

Pity parties are OK.

But now it is time to snap out of it, and start the real work on yourself.

So from all of the things you have described, perhaps during the Marriage you were a tad bit boring, and not adventuresome.

Find something you would like to do, something different and take a risk.

I mentioned this before in a previous post, and I don't want you to take this out of context, BUT honestly you have made your Daughter into the focus of your life, NOT your Husband.

Your life revolved around her, and that isn't a bad thing, but I do believe your Husband came 2nd, and your Daughter was the priority, the primary relationship.

Your Husband found someone to have an adventure with, someone to give him the atention he was lacking from you.

So now it is time to do a 180.

It is not too late to save this Marriage, but you can NOT keep on doing more of the same.

Time is of the essence.

[trampledheart]

BND,

You are absolutely right! I've had my focus our daughter and always thought BOTH of us should make her the first priority.

I guess I may have been boring to him, because he was certainly boring to me! To most, I was considered the "fun one" I'm the relationship. He's never been the initiator of things...

Well, I think I seriously need to do some 180s. I feel like my having served him the Legal Sep papers was like my LRT...at least in H's mind, they are divorce papers... I think I need to go read more on LRT... I could reiterate and reinforce the idea that it was only for financial protection... What do you think?

T

[trampledheart]

BND,

"Time is of the essence."

Do you think I have just a little time left? I did (so I served papers), and I still do, because H and OW are in a serious relationship.

I even thought it was too late. I really hope it's not too late!

T

[brandnewday]

Do you remember my first few posts to you and you didn't seem to understand what I meant by making changes, and recognizing the areas that you fell short during the marriage?

This is all part of it.

Honestly, I do not think it is too late to save the Marriage, but you need to understand that Divorce is not a game, and neither is the LRT.

So, what is the game plan from here?

My suggestion to you is to read DR and DB.

Take a good hard look in the mirror and be totally honest with yourself about who you are and what needs to change.

There is a great book called the Power of a Praying Wife. Even if you are not a Religious person, this book will be good for you because if forces you to have positive feelings and thoughts about your Husband.

I want to know 3 things that would be a good goal for yourself that you would like to do WITHOUT your Daughter.

I want to know what 3 things would show you that your Husband is taking babysteps towards you.

I want to know 3 things that you don't like about yourself and how you plan on changing those things.

((((hugs))))

You know how to get in touch with me......

[MrBond]

It's never too late. I think all of us who have posted here thought that it was too late. That we could never save our M.

But we still try and persevere and some even get back together after they've been D.

So never say never.

I second BND. Read and re-read DB and DR.

And most importantly go out and live. Get your mind off this as best you can. Only then can you be true to yourself and not react to every little thing your H does.