Yesterday afternoon I had a conversation with the W and told her that I am going to meet with an attorney on Friday to see about processing our paperwork for the divorce. I explained that the divorce would take 60 days to be finalized from when we file. She was acting like it wasn't a big deal at first, but then she seemed to shift gears and said 60 days is really quick.
She said that she is surprised at how fast I am moving and that she didn't feel like we were through. She said the life that I am living now is all that she ever wanted. It was bizarre, but I felt like I was seeing a lot of my initial reactions coming from her now.
We talked for about an hour and I explained to her how I got to where I am at. I told her that I definitely want kids in my future and that not having children is not an option for me any longer. Her response was kind of surprising as she said that she likely didn't want children because she was unhappy and may actually end up wanting kids in the future. This was likely more of a desperation comment, but still surprising.
I have to admit that I found much of what she said to be surprising as her words and actions have all lead to there being absolutely no desire on her part. Now that I am ready to finalize things, she is second guessing.
I am having a very difficult time trying to keep an open mind with this. I truly feel done and don't have a desire to pursue this any longer. Although it has only been since March, it feels like a lifetime has passed. It has taken a lot for me to get to where I am at. I still plan to meet with the attorney on Friday and want to continue down that path. I do feel bad for her as I hope that she doesn't crash as hard as I did when everything first went down. I wouldn't wish those feelings and pain on my worst enemy.
M 30 WAW 29 T 15 M 5 ILYBNILWY 3/8/09 Separated 3/14/09
