My story...advice welcomed!

[bluerain]

phew! I went back and read the whole thing, I hadnt realized how far you have already come. Maybe your H would be willing to talk to a chaplain with you, its not counseling.

Good for you, it sounds like you are doing well.

[LostNLife]

So i take it the captain kept you anonymous? Good for you for going forward and having the courage to go through what I feel is just! My H confessed his A and the OW to his master chief, which just recently retired. His MC called me & asked me if i wanted to "press charges" but she made it sound like if i did then it would have been known it was me. i felt i couldn't take that chance if i wanted a future R w/my H. The MC also made me feel like she was trying to "help" us but looking back I think she was, but also just looking out for her sailor. Making sure he had a place to live and so forth. She said she was going to take away his early promote which she didn't and take away his NAM which she didn't and take away his privleges for going out with the 1st class association, which she didn't. So i think she was all talk, no action. She never told anyone else in the command so he wouldn't get repremanded.
i agonized back & forth about pressing charges bc of the OW's demeaner. i had the pleasure, thanx to my H, to be around her a few times and what he thought was confidence, i felt was cockiness. and the fact my H was infactuated w/her and couldn't stay away from her. figured that would put an end to it. the OW retires in June and i feel like she is getting off w/no backlash. to this day her husband has no clue and i feel she knew exactly what she was doing when she starting seducing my H. she knew i wouldn't ruin his career. that's not who i am, but trust me, as you all are aware, going through these life events make you think of doing things you would never have even thought of doing.

i still get angry thinking about the OW cause half the time my mind tells me they are probably still together. just like today after having several good days with my H, he comes home and says nothing to me and i asked him if he was okay or had a bad day at work and then he gets aggitated stating all the lights in the house are on and hastily turns them all off, and then is now sleeping on the couch. ok so he is probably tired, i get that, but i don't see how taking that out on me is going to help the situation improve at all.

thanks so much for the great advice. i am gonna check into the chaplain idea. our counselor had actually suggested a retreat the chaplain's office does once a month, but my H was a no go. but that was months ago. its been a tough long road, but i actually believe deep down he is truly worth the effort, or else i would not be putting myself through all of the ups and downs.

[bluerain]

The captain did keep me anonymous, luckily H was dumb enough to be using the ships cell phone to make the calls, texts, etc. So he could blame another shipmate and the proof was easy enough to find. Sometimes I think about telling him that it was me, but I think that it would be pointless now. The command changed shortly after all of this happened, so once the new capt came on, he went right back to his shenanigans.

Unfortunately I havent had a chance to try to rebuild with my H, so I cant imagine what a tough time this must be for you. I still over analyze every thing he says, Im sure you do that too, and the only thing I can say about that is, it wont help. If hes gonna be a grump, let him, it doesnt matter why, dont let him make you miserable too.

Do you have any proof of this? Maybe you could drop an anonymous post card off to her H. Or maybe this whole thing has caused enough hardship already. If this is her pattern of behavior you can probably bet that its not the first, or last time that shes done this, and eventually everything, good or bad, catches up to you.

[LostNLife]

Hi Bluerain...thanx for the response. At least you got some satisfaction from being able to tell and be anonymous. I wish I could. Think about it all the time. I get angry knowing she is still living her life, even though she's unhappy, and not paying any consequences for what she did with my H.

I don't know if we are rebuilding or its all just an act. Like I said he has financial concerns so he may be playing the part because he can't afford to get a place of his own. Was doing good the past few weeks with things looking more positive, but then realized he hadn't worn his wedding band in 7 days and it really got to me. I asked him about it last night and he got upset. So I guess all the positives just went right out the door. I totally over analyze everything as well so I know what you mean.

I appreciate you keeping up with my story and for the advice. If I can help you at all, please let me know. Its nice having another person to talk to that can relate...especially being military and all. Do you have a thread on here and if so how do I find it? Would like to read your story as well if that's ok.

[bluerain]

After she retires is she staying in the area? Are you expecting orders anytime soon?

I firmly believe that she will pay for it, whether its constant respect-less changing of partners, never being able to build a truly honest, intimate relationship like my OW, or living with the fact that you lied to her H who has stood by you for your whole career like your OW, what a lonely marriage they must have, its no small thing to feel like you need to look outside your marriage for a companion, I assure you she didnt have an affair because she is happily married.

Who knows, maybe her cockiness is a front to protect the real her, who is just a scared little girl who needs constant reassurance and who gets it by attracting the attention and affection of the men around her. Really her self-esteem is in the toilet.

My most recent one is called "Just so you know", you are welcome to check it out, and I would appreciate any input you may have!