he is back, i think

[mdoodles]

someone help me

[bluerain]

Mdoodles, you have to detach. Do what worked before. I applaud you for telling him to call the lawyer, you dont want this, so you dont pursue it. And as far as what you have shown your son, you have shown him a valuable committment to family, and your M, you have tried to save this M, and that is an excellent thing to show him.

You are absolutely right when you say that he needs to find the happiness for himself. Im not even sure that I would phrase it that way, he needs to learn to be happy. Thats not something that you can do for him, no matter how much you try. Drop the rope! Have you read the DBing books? Maybe now is a good time to leave him alone and reread them.

I cant emphasize enough that DBing made me a stronger person, more able to cope. And it made me a better Wife too. Whether I get to be a better W in this M, or my next. Im so sorry that things have taken this turn, its such a roller coaster. Can you take your son away for a weekend? Or maybe just an afternoon? Get away from the grumpy gus! Misery loves company and he will do his best to drag you down too.

You ARE too pretty for this (not that I would personally know), and You ARE too good of a person for this. He is being the bad person, dont let him force you to take action that you cant be proud of.

(((Mdoodles)))

[mdoodles]

thank you. i am out of my mind now.

i should have known it would happen once he came home.

he actually came home and has the nerve to pull this? lol.

i guess i will sit back now and see what he does.

sounds like he is serious but ive heard it before.

only this time i know i already gave it my all over 2 1/2 years, almost 3years since the affair started.

i need to live. i want more children.

i will be 31 in 2 weeks, i think ive given all the time i can to him.

i dont want a divorce, i want my husband back but i cant do it for both of us.

[vickyd]

mdoodles, step away for a while. I think things got a bit out of control here. I think you two are making strong threats in anger. Believe me when I say I know this from experience. Emotions are flying. Drop the rope and step away. I'm not so sure that your H is the only one wrong here. I think emotions just got out of hand and one person acted and the other reacted etc. If you keep pushing the arguments today it will continue and you both will say things you don't mean. Detach for today. Stop talking to him. Bad days bad weeks even doesn't have to mean divorce. This is a bad season and you need to leave it alone. Stop pushing a resolution. Pull back for a while - it will all take time. I'm still feeling you need to use some LRTs here and pull back and detach.

[mdoodles]

u are right. im done talking.

i just saw him at the store, he is selling the store and washing his hands of me too.

its so clear what the problem is and he packages me into it.

my lawyer told me his lawyer said he isnt canceling the divorce action and may be moving forward.

so i will see what he chooses to do in the next week.

but im done talking about it with him.

im not going to be harsh or do anything drastic like i did last year which made him leave.

he is still here with me, so i will see what he does.

[vickyd]

Stop making drastic decisions especially in the heat of anger or heightened emotions. You really need to take a break from each other and do something fun and separate this weekend. There's a lot on your mind with the store and the house and I'm sure you wish your H could just be your ally. But he can't since he's also dealing with his heightened emotions. Step back so you don't make harsh decisions hastily. I really think your argument today is based on a build up of things with the sleeping on the coach and him detaching. You need to take control of you and your reaction.

Hope I'm helpful. Speak to us today and not to him.

[mdoodles]

thank you vicky. thank you. i appreciate it all.

i am definitely stepping back, i happen to think this is all normal for the situation, however, he is not mature enough to realize this and understand it.

im going to operate as business as usual. i will not force him out or tell him to leave, i will make it like any other night.

i will do the laundry and put it away like i do.

i will go to the store like i would normally do.

and i will see this week. if he moves forward on his end, i think then i will have to accept it is over.

as much as i want to wait for him, im losing my life in the process.

i dont regret the waiting for him, i dont regret this past year where we stopped the divorce process.

but i cannot keep my life on hold. i want more kids, i want a husband that loves me and appreciates me.

i want it to be him. but maybe it just cant be.

if its not going to be him, i need to move on and meet someone else and get on with my life with my son.

i dont want to, but i think i have to push myself.

[vickyd]

Just push yourself to detach and life for today for a while. Less stressful. Remember do something fun this weekend with you son. See a movie or something. De-stress.

[mdoodles]

its just so hard because this time its real. its really real.

and it will get ugly.

i live next door to my in laws and i babysit my brother in laws son.

i just dont want to go through this.

i had a taste of it last year and i never wanted to be in this position ever again.

and here i am.

[pollyanna]

You are not in exactly the same position. You will be stronger this time. You just dont realise it. You have tried and maybe it is time to stop. See where that takes you.

Think about it, as giving your M a vaction. Maybe space is what you both need. Him to sort himself out and you to see if he is what you really want.

You dont want to live with him like he is. what will amke him change ? I dont think how your living is working, so let it go. As for your in laws, you know them better. Some in laws will stand by you and hate to see the relationship ends and some move on with there child. Remember he is there son. bloo is thicker thn water. Maybe a heart to heart with them is in order.