having an icky day... fighting the useless thoughts, thinking of the last days before he left the first time in 06...(well, he had already gotten an apartment weeks before that and took most of his stuff without me knowing), what he said, what I could've said...if only I had said... But then I remembered, even if things went down hill in less than weeks before I found out he was leaving, he was a liar longer than that, like that huge check he got and he hid it from me, spending the whole thing on him even as I was pregnant and checking yard sales to outfit the nursery when my d6 was about to be born, he never took us out somewhere nice, never bought anything for her... the 100's he spent on hidden prepaid phones, even as I stuck to his budget and didnt' even take my son to Mcdonalds.... he lost his way loooong before he left and at the time things were "ok" in my eyes, he turned into a slime ball long before he left and I can't blame myself for that.
Well, I'll feel better later I guess...I do get my sweeties today
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
You were just doing the best you could and trying to stay positive overall. That's called determination. You really tried to make it all work in spite of the negatives. I think that's a good trait. When the going gets tough, you will still try to make things work out.... You did your very best and you should have no regrets.
But the good thing now is that if/when you get into a new relationship you will be wiser to and make sure that things are much better to start off with. Chances are it will be a much smoother road. You are much wiser now. (And gosh! with Zumba a lot hotter too!!! ).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
If you can't find it at the gym, there are "classes" of it on youtube. I was thinking I might just do it at home. I wouldn't even have to get my lazy butt out of the house!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
root, I learned zumba through a beginner's DVD, so youtube will work for you too Feeling much better (well, it was a zumba day too, I get my weirdo moments now and then, but now it's all good again.
Donna, once you get started you won't stop, it's just a matter of starting and then you will make a habit of it.
Gwyn, it took quite a bit to push through when things were awful, and also quite a lot of time on my knees praying, which was how I made it through and healed.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
having an icky day... fighting the useless thoughts
I think its normal (and healthy!) that this happens from time to time. No need to jump head first into wallowing or 'what if's', but to reflect and remember is good. Its hard for me to think back to that time (when xH cheated, etc) because the hurt was almost unbearable, but from time to time I can reflect for a bit.
Then we need to let it go.
You can do it.
Your icky day will pass, and the icky feelings will come and go faster every day.
It's great to hear how much you're doing for yourself. The more I do, the better I feel, especially when it comes to clearing him from prime real estate in my mind.
In many ways, having the bad days consist of blaming yourself regardless if you're angry or sad. You take a second seat while his present or past actions are in the forefront. Here's a can of whoop-ass and pair of kick butt boots.
).