Need to make changes for me (thread #2)

[vickyd]

I've been practicing my script that we worked out. I've been in the car saying it out loud. So hopefully that will work. "H, there's only three things that I think we need to discuss right now..." I'm avoiding his calls but if he pops up at the home, I need to work out how I will respond.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I found that practicing -- OUT LOUD -- really helped me with my two big talks. I would even visualize myself being confident, articulate, calm.

BIG help.

[vickyd]

Hi Guys,

Just wanted to journal/give an update. So H was trying to reach out to me yesterday. I actually held it together and did not answer. At 11 last night was his last call at which time he left a message saying that he guess I'm not answering the phone but he just wanted to tell me that the inspector stopped by our bldg. Bull crap, he called several times yesterday and didn't leave a message so he just wanted to pull me back in. But I am actually proud of myself because he left the message last night and I decided to not even retrieve it until this morning. So, I got the message and that's it.

But I got a bit of bad news today that I know I shouldn't be sad about but I am. So my cousin and H's younger brother are dating and have gotten engaged after dating for 6months. So my MIL told me today that she heard my cousin is pregnant. I know I should be happy for them and I will be but after being with my H for all these years, dealing with infertility problems, and now H and I are over it kinda hurts to think that my in-laws are now more my cousins family than they are mine. I'm happy for them but I wanted to have my family and my in-laws. But I guess that wasn't in my life plans. I swear dealing with H and the A, I am happy that we don't have kids, but at the same time I am so sad that all my dreams have come to this while others see their dreams come true.

[Startingover2]

YEAH!!! You did so good in not answering. See how he is just wanting to communicate for lame reasons and to keep you right where he wants you. But maybe you should tell him next time that those sorts of communication can be done by email as well. Then you don't have to worry about being tempted to answer the phone.

I know the news about your cousin is hard with the life dreams. This isn't the life that any of us wanted. I look at married people with babies like I have and feel so envious too. Guess its something we have to accept for now.

[vickyd]

Hi my people, so I didn'te get to journal yesterday since I was too busy enjoying the nice weather here in NYC. So today makes it officially a week since I have go no contact with H. And so far so good. One week down and many more to go.

Yesterday afternoon H went on his calling fiasco again and mind you he never calls on Sundays which I always figured he was too busy with you know who. Anyway, he was calling my cell and home and I just didn't answer. Finally he left a message and I'm practicing not getting to his messages right away so I waited til later in the night to check it. His message as expected was a bit nasty telling me that I'm acting childish by not answering the phone and he can't take this nonesense. So I of course didn't respond and this morning at about 6:45 I texted him only the last part of my text from last week saying

Me: Until u r ready to make final decisions pl just text me regarding building stuff. Thx for understanding.
H: I am not going to waste my time thank you. I just want my tax.
Me: I will leave ur w2 @ the bldg & will test u when I get a chance to. Pl continue to transfer the $ to pay YOUR bills. Thx.

And that was it. I think I did well. And I am not at all asking him to "waste" his time. Anyway, I'm still staying strong so far. I read the new Steve Harvey book today that was saying that men cheat because there is no penalty and it got me thinking. You know, I have never really penalize my H for what he has done. It also talks about setting your reqirements and either having you mate meet them and if not, not engaging with them. So I think I'm on the right track and have been praying to God to give me strength to stay on track. This is actually the first time I think I am telling no showing my H that its not OK.

So everyone else is doing well considering their sitch will try to comment on others today if work is slow. All the best and here's some inspiration for today....



He Works All Things Together

TODAY'S SCRIPTURE
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them” (Romans 8:28, NLT).

TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria
Everyone goes through things that don’t seem to make sense. It’s easy to get discouraged and wonder, “Why did this happen to me?” “Why did this person treat me wrong?” “Why did I get laid off?” But we have to understand, even though life is not always fair, God is fair. And He promises to work all things together for good for those who love Him.

I believe the key word is this verse is “together.” In other words, you can’t just isolate one part of your life and say, “Well, this is not good.” “It’s not good that I got laid off.” “It’s not good that my relationship didn’t work out.” Yes, that’s true, but that’s just one part of your life. God can see the big picture. That disappointment is not the end. Remember, when one door closes, God has another door for you to walk through—a better door. Those difficulties and challenges are merely stepping stones toward your brighter future. Be encouraged today because God has a plan for you to rise higher. He has a plan for you to come out stronger. He has a plan to work all things together for your good so that you can move forward in the victory He has prepared for you!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Heavenly Father, thank You for working all things together for my good. I choose to release any doubt, any frustration, any confusion over my past, and I choose to trust in You. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

[Beans]

Vicky,

Glad to hear you are doing so well! Great job! I also enjoyed your inspirational messages.

How did you like to new Steve Harvey book? I saw his book at the store and thought about buying it but didn't. Did you find it worth buying?

[vickyd]

Hi Bean,

Still reading the book and have only read 8 chapters. I think its good and it's definitely useful for our sitches. It focuses a lot on dating but as I have found out being married is still a lot like dating. I like how he focuses on setting your requirements and sticking to it. That's something I definitely need to work on. Another book I recommend is "Why Men Love Bitches". I know its an awful name but its totally helpful, especially for me dealing with a cake eater. But I'm still learning and trying to get good at this. I certainy admire the woman who are no nonsense kind of women.

[karen43]

Me: I will leave ur w2 @ the bldg & will test u when I get a chance to. Pl continue to transfer the $ to pay YOUR bills. Thx.

I think you did a great job. Good job on avoiding his comment about "wasting his time"! Obviously he said that trying to annoy you!!! Good for not buying into that. I think you did good except in future I wouldn't do all caps on anything, it's considered yelling and just think it is not quite the professional, friendly, busy kind of tone you want to convey. Keep up the good work!!! No matter if it helps your R or not, It will help you!!! Karen

[vickyd]

Thanks, Karen. Great advice on the all caps thing. H does think I'm always fighting with him so yeah I don't want to fight via texting either.

So update/journal: last night one of my fears came through... the alarm system went off in the middle of the night about 1am. This happened once before at like 3am when H was home and he fixed it but I was terrified then. So when H left I was always afraid of the system tripping in the middle of the night when I'm home alone and low and behold it did. Seems that the phone company was having problems with the phone line in the area and caused the system to go off. But, guess what, I was calm/a bit nervous but not as nervous as I thought I would have been. I called the alarm company and after an good wait on the phone they said they were informed of the phone company's problem. She told me what I needed to do when phone service is restored. It restored about 20 minutes later, but I sure was nervous not having the alarm system on for even such a short time. I gotta say I sure did miss having H there to protect me and make me feel safe. But I did alright, no panic attacks. It took a while to go back to sleep though.

Yea, I think today I am going through withdrawal myself. Feel like I miss H. But I do know I can't contact him so I will try my bestest to be strong. I definitely think the process is good for me to stand up for myself so I gotta do this. This is so like breaking a drug addiction. You know its bad for you but the craving is so hard to resist.

[vickyd]

Not doing well at all today. Feeling so sad and depressed. I think I miss having the connection with my H, whatever litle connection it was. It really makes me wonder how in the world I expect my H to break off from OW and his son and even her daughter. I don't think he can handle the withdrawal, which would be triple what I'm going through. I keep telling myself this too shall pass. I know this. Silly me I keep wondering if H is missing me too.