It is just something in me, that for some reason, no matter how much I try, I can't keep my poker face for long. And I know where it gets me....H not talking and disappearing for awhile. Tada..it has happened.
I'm getting there. Val, I see you are doing good. What can we do? It is what it is , right?
Yes, I admit, even through all the years of hell, I still have a place for H in my heart.
So does that make me a weak person? Or anyone who still loves their H. I don't think so. I think it makes me a stronger person.
See, we can stay angry and bitter because of all the horrible things we have gone through. Or we can hurt, forgive and move on. But we always have to be respected. In the beginning, I had no self respect. now, I have learned it is how I let people treat me, is the way I will be treated.
I think it takes a much stronger person to forgive and move on.
We haven't spoken in a week. I am ok with that. Four years ago this month he left. He didn't speak to me for 2 weeks before he left.
I was confused. Today, I am actually happy with who I am.
I guess he thinks he is punishing you. Little does he realize he is actually giving you a much-needed reprieve.
I am still boggling over the "I'm 100% supportive of you in front of D." Um, wasn't he the guy who told you to F off, go to hell, etc., etc., in front of her?! These MCLers really are nuts.
It's okay to still love him-- it's not like you can help it anyway.
So, alot has happened. Not positive though and now I feel at a loss again.
WEll, I met OW. I went to drop D8 off Wed, with a friend, and OW was there. She wouldnt come out of her room.We were inside looking at D8's room and she wouldnt come out.
H said it wasn't a good time. It really wasn't a good tme, he repeated.
So we left and the next day he asked for me to drop her off.
So I met OW. It was funny it didn't bother me a bit bur my friend said H was in shock. she was stalking to him and all he could do is stare at me. He had his back towards OW and was just looking at me the whole time.I told him if he wanted to see d8 the 4h he could come by. He said thanks.
So how was it after so long...I think it bothered H more than me. I was polite, she was nervous. She has a nose ring. That threw me off. I was proud of myself. Felt sorry for her.
WEll that was Thursday. H hadn't seen D8 in two weeks. He said he couldn't see her Friday because he had to work.
Yesterday I get this text:
Sorry , I put your check in the mail. I am out of town this week. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to catch hell from you. I will be turning off my phone after this text. I will not be available by phone. I will be back in town next Sunday. Tell d8 I love her. Hope you and D8 have a safe and fun 4th of July. C u next week.
I cried and was so mad. I responded in a not so nice way. I just am tired.
It sounds to me like he knows OW is temporary and already she's a huge mistake. But he's in too deep now and is probably wondering "how would W ever take me back after all of this?"
