Accelerated divorce due to OM...normal?

[sweet-1]

Her family has closed up ranks which usually means there's an "internal" problem that needs to be dealt with. Her last three Facebook status updates are "missing the sunshine", on her weekend with the kids, "hoping for sunshine this weekend", last weekend sans kids, and today "THANKFUL for the sunshine". When we started dating, my code name (game we played) was candy, spin on my last name, and hers was Whisky, as in I need some..... Anyway I'm gonna guess by the familial silence and today's angry email about selling the house etc, that OM wasn't as warmly recieved as she had hoped. I was liked by them (F-I-L was crabby but still seemd to like me). Basically a couple of the nephews were gonna quit school and go work the rigs etc. I made them a deal that if they brought me diplomas I would get them jobs way easier and better paying than the rigs...They did and I held up my end, My one nephew actually makes more than me per month, until you factor hours and expenses.

Long story short, I suspect (and I hope..is that wrong), that the big reveal wasn't a success.

And yes PDT, I agree, it isn't my mess and I will not pay to clean it up. I guess she was complaining about maxxing her CC's (separate from mine) and being broke. laptops and flying to the coast twice can't be cheap...neither can hiding your money with overpayments. Unfortunately, I'm closing the gap quickly as far as running out of money as well.

It's funny It seems like it's been a year already, but infact it's only been a few days over 5 mos.

L

[sweet-1]

We had D's riding lessons again tonight. She showed up in new boots, to which I immediately asked too many questions...stupid. But as she was heading out the door, she stepped closer for a change and ran her hand across my lower ribs and back. She hasn't touched me in months, it's nothing to get too much hope from, but it is something. We chatted briefly on facebook, and I think it went okay for a first real communication, but there was still an awkwardness. The OM is still in the picture I think, but she is talking long range future now instead of her happiness.

Like I said, nothing to get too excited over, but a step forward none the less.

[sweet-1]

So we met yesterday to hand the kids off...god I hate that term....in the local grocery store parking lot. She completely ignored my request tos et the boundary about the bed. But was still civil. She was complaining about how the kids made such a mess in th back of her explorer and they should have to clean it on Saturday. I looked in and agreed with her (it is a mess). She seemed surprised and said thank you for agreeing with her.

I asked for the keys to the holiday trailer (I've made the all the payments on it for 4 mos now) so I could get it ready for the season. She looks at me and says it'll probably be sold by the time I need it (May long weekend). I replied we agreed not to sell any joint property without consulting the other, she ignored me.

So far anyhting I've shown an interest in keeping, she has tried to bully me into selling. Not gonna happen with the house or the holiday trailer. She has an ATV worth about as much as the trailer, which she took with her. The ATV was paid cash by me and registered/insured in my name. The trailer is registered in her name, I'm making the payments and paying insurance, so when it comes time (if...things seem different lately...not sure if its good or not) to split property, she can keep the trailer loan, and I will sign the quad over to her in exchange for the trailer, which is being paid down quickly.

It amazes me how much she figures things are worth for one (based on friends and last year's prices), and two she feels they'll sell quickly at a higher price...Not sure of the logic here either.

[sweet-1]

Been an intersting couple of weeks. She's decided to "stall" on my requests for the trailer keys to go camping etc. She doesn't reslize it but slowing down the speed of the divorce was one of my primary goals. She came over last night to get some things (and walk through the house), I had a block party saturday night and had quite a few people over. She sat home by herself apparently (stewing). Despite a picture of his truck in front of her 1 bdrm appt at 05:00 she still insists they're just friends, but I suspect he was supposed to come over last weekend but got cold feet. I said I missed her as she was leaving (she started to tear up) then she sped away down the alley. I always compliment her on her looks (she's looking beaten down though) and call her beautiful. It's easy to say because it's true.

We took the kids to a counsellor on Thursday and she went on and ona bout how our son has all this anger. So the counsellor sat me and him down alone and we talked,he was very pleasant, siad how much he enjoys being at Dad's etc. front and center on the counsellor's desk was DB. I commented on it and we discussed WAW etc, she seemed surprised (wife has been here at least 3 visits w/o me...gives me wrong dates etc). She asked a few more questions and I commented how we had only been separated since Nov and was served on Feb 18 (She was really surprised).

W then came in and we talked. I commented about how there is another person involved etc, she wouldn't make eye contact with me. She was talking about how we need to get this D over with soon etc, the counsellor changed the topic. I thought it went very well, W didn't look too impressed though.

I still miss and love her very much, and know this is the right thing to do, but it seems to be harder every week. She seems to soften slightly then harden right back up. We're both out of money now and i haven't even done my Statement of defense, nor has she completed her financial disclosure forms.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I said I missed her as she was leaving (she started to tear up) then she sped away down the alley. I always compliment her on her looks (she's looking beaten down though) and call her beautiful. It's easy to say because it's true.

Sweet, I know it's difficult, but try not to do that. It's classic "pursuing" behavior, and it will push her even further away. She will only see it as PRESSURE, not as compliments.

Puppy

[sweet-1]

Damn, I always seem to miss a detail! I'll work on that though. She always says thanks and looks away. It's amazing how much being around her brightens my day and my mood. Even if it's not reciprocated.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It's not a detail, Sweet. It's a core tenet of DBing, and it's important.

I know, it sucks, and it's counterintuitive. But it WORKS.

Puppy

[sweet-1]

Point taken. Thanks for the advice (sincerely).

[DCBHM]

Point taken.

If anything she'll probably start missing you saying it if you knock it off.

[sweet-1]

Thanks to both of you. I was most happy with her decision to slow down "stall". Like I said it was one of my main goals I set. I used June 1 as a date, but this is better. I just hope it's a sign and not a burp!