ah! I think I know where you are, lol, sort of... I'll be driving up there in August, nearby at least, we are going to Hershey's park and then to Cape May to vacation with the kids, first time going thataways
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Hugs K, the less you post, the better off you are. That's the rule here. (I still post everyday damn it!!!)... Get out there and have some fun, you deserve it!! K
Things have been very busy. Once the refinancing was approved, I felt like I was chained to a mausoleum. I thought I'd feel buoyant but no. Selling the house (even in this depressed market) became the way to go. Holding on to the house is a crap shoot. If I sell, at least I can save and make up the difference.
Seeing my parents a few weeks ago was a very good thing. My dad is in the hospital once again. His stays are taking longer, he's coming out weaker. Home care hospice is being suggested. On the bright side he wants me to come out in June to help with clearing out his closet!
Ex is frustrated by my procrastination on various issues to wrap up the divorce. I don't blame him and am working at finishing up the loose ends. Coming out of the fog makes me more proactive. One stickler is how the settlement statement for the 401(k) is interpreted.
The house is starting to sparkle in some areas. It's a real motivator to keep tossing. A room full of tag sale items keeps growing and growing and I have yet to get the stuff organized. The tag sale starts on Friday!!! Better get moving.
I've spent a lot time working on forgiving my father, my former husband and have been rewarded on various levels. It's alright to be mad about things as long as I realize the difference between reacting and hiding from it versus taking action.
In the most recent spat with ex, I got upset about an action he'd taken and started typing a note justifying everything I'd done to resolve the issue. It hit me.. BAM! Fix it, don't quibble. The only thing I can control is what is an arm's length in front of me. The rest is beyond me. It's only by action is it resolved.
If I react.. I falter. If I act, I move forward.
And I think it's about time I start work on forgiving MY self. Wouldn't that be wonderful!
When I heard the dire news about my dad, tears started trailing down my cheeks. To finally have reached a point where I'd want to see him again and have it come close to be taken away. It was a poignant moment.. with its own quiet joy that I wanted a relationship with him.
A good friend from college told me that I was always competitive but if someone pushed back at me, I'd disappear. It's an interesting perspective and something to keep in the back of my mind.
Amen. And let's add that we never thought we'd be on this road, or could make it to better times, huh?
You are amazingly forgiving and that's a great quality. To forgive your father blows my mind, and I am so proud of you for processing, letting go, and embracing the relationship you can form with him.
Forgiving your xhusband? Yep, I am there too, and it feels good.
Forgiving ourselves? Hmm...Yup. Harder. Just like a mom, we are putting everyone in front and forgiving ourselves last. But we can do it. All of our bumps, bruises, and learning experiences from this whacky road will help us grow and love.
I've been busy getting the house ready for market along with a organizing a huge tag sale which started today and ends tomorrow.
Ex's older sister (I'm still considered family) called me up this afternoon saying she wanted to see how I was doing. I told her about the tag sale and how exhausted I was. She added that today must be a very difficult day for me. I gave the big "Duh??" "He's getting married today." she added helpfully.
Ohh.. hmmm... were the sounds I made as I thought about it. "Nope, nothing there. Are they in Greece?" She told me they were in Vegas.. hadn't my kids mentioned it.. did they even know? I don't ask my kids about their father so I was appropriately clueless.
She asked if it bothered me. I thought some more.. Nope.. but I added that I couldn't believe all the Nicorette gum I keep finding around the house, the packets and occasional chewed wads.
I did add that I hoped that his life would be great.
At that point she said she had to go. I was surprised at how calm I felt but the got a little shaky and called my brother. He pointed out that she likes to stir the pot. That I was okay but that she kept looking for a reaction.
I did ask my daughter if she'd known her dad was getting married today. "Mom, it's something he always talks about when we have dinners.. that they're getting married and having their honeymoon on an island off Tahiti."
My brother said that his sister had gotten me all stirred up. And I did flounder a bit....
