Here is a link to what I've been posting over on the new comers board, but I haven't been getting much feedback. I would love to hear from others who have a similar situation. Right now I feel like a freak that belongs on Jerry Springer!! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...23841]newcomers[/url]
Thanks for any input or support you might be able to lend.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Just wanted to ad that h is supposed to come over on Tue. afternoon for us to hash out details of the possible d papers. It's going to be gut wrenching for me. The kids are going to be staying at the grandparents.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
HI so I read part ogfyour thread and your H is confusing he is still showing interest in you but cant seem to committ back home some stories here are like that too some H dont want anything much to do with wife
I would suggest you rea other posts there are other posters here with younger H either in MLC or some kind of crises did anyone die recently or any traumatic events for H in the last year? There are MLC resources explaining what it is If it is MLC, it is a long journey of erratic bahavior , affairs and spending sprees that seems to be the common link among most of the posteres protect yourself financially as best you can and just realize what ever he is going thru it isnt your fault and you have no control therapy is helpful for you and him if he is willing but many ofg these MLCers will deny they need therapy, often blame the spouse for everything under the sun hang in there\ peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I can relate. My H lives in the basement and comes to me every couple of days wanting sex. He is having an emotional affair right now. His perspective is so skewed though, he does not see it, as he is not having sex with her. Might as well be...he calls her from our house phone every time I leave the house. I live on a constant roller coaster ride...one day he is in, one day out.
My husband is only 30, but age doesn't really matter with MLC. I have been doing a ton of research and just started reading "How to Survive your Husband's Midlife Crisis". Lots of good info in there.
Bottom line is that if it is MLC there is nothing you can do until he wants to get help. H will blame you for everything but until he gets out on their own and realizes that you are not the source of his misery. He may never get it. With MLC, they won't hear it until they fall flat on their face.
I am in the same boat as you. I have been doing the marriage coaching, seeing a counsellor, praying....You name it, I am doing it. The bottom line is that I can't give up living my life just because he has.
All I can suggest is that you GAL. Stop doing anything for him! Be courteous, but don't go out of your way. If he comes to you for sex, decide whether or not if it is right for you. If you feel like it, then do it. If you don't, don't. Men can say that it is just sex, but it does help keep them emotionally connected to you. Only you can decide if it is right.
Only you can stop beating up on yourself..I am still learning that. Every day is a struggle, but take care of yourself and know that other people here know what you are going through and are here to talk if you need. Get it all out...
Good luck to you!
Me 38 H 30 Together 11 years Married 7 months Bomb October 13/08 OW - emotional affair since October H still lives at home in basement
Thanks so much guys. It is so good to know that others are out there going through the same thing. I posted on the other board, and didn't get much help. He fits all of the symptoms of the MLC. However, he also has always had trouble telling the truth when he has done something that will make me mad/upset me. I also believe that he has been depressed for at least 2 years, and refuses to get help or stay on meds. That would probably make a world of difference, but we can't make them do it, can we.
Pretty much the reason I finally decided that we must separate was to financially protect myself and the kids. He was doing crazy stuff with money, trying to buy a buisness without my knowledge, etc. I don't make a ton of money (teacher), but I can support myself and my kids. Not in the house we were in, so that's why we chose to move. The child support he's been giving me gives us a cushion. What I make pays the bills, food, and gas with only a little left over. I don't feel that he is trying at all except by giving us money.
After he took my daughter around OW (who he claims is not an affair, whatever) I decided that he is mentally unstable and I need to at least have the papers drawn up, even if I don't file them right away. Right now, if he wanted to cut us off financially, he could since there is no legal order. He could also come and demand to take the kids and we would just have to fight about it, since I have no custody order. I'm scared to not get myself legally covered. If Texas did a legal separation, I would do that but they don't. Either you're married, or you're divorced. Hard choice, but we need to be protected financially and custody wise.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Thanks so much guys. It is so good to know that others are out there going through the same thing. I posted on the other board, and didn't get much help. He fits all of the symptoms of the MLC. However, he also has always had trouble telling the truth when he has done something that will make me mad/upset me. I also believe that he has been depressed for at least 2 years, and refuses to get help or stay on meds. That would probably make a world of difference, but we can't make them do it, can we.
Pretty much the reason I finally decided that we must separate was to financially protect myself and the kids. He was doing crazy stuff with money, trying to buy a buisness without my knowledge, etc. I don't make a ton of money (teacher), but I can support myself and my kids. Not in the house we were in, so that's why we chose to move. The child support he's been giving me gives us a cushion. What I make pays the bills, food, and gas with only a little left over. I don't feel that he is trying at all except by giving us money.
After he took my daughter around OW (who he claims is not an affair, whatever) I decided that he is mentally unstable and I need to at least have the papers drawn up, even if I don't file them right away. Right now, if he wanted to cut us off financially, he could since there is no legal order. He could also come and demand to take the kids and we would just have to fight about it, since I have no custody order. I'm scared to not get myself legally covered. If Texas did a legal separation, I would do that but they don't. Either you're married, or you're divorced. Hard choice, but we need to be protected financially and custody wise.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Thanks so much guys. It is so good to know that others are out there going through the same thing. I posted on the other board, and didn't get much help. He fits all of the symptoms of the MLC. However, he also has always had trouble telling the truth when he has done something that will make me mad/upset me. I also believe that he has been depressed for at least 2 years, and refuses to get help or stay on meds. That would probably make a world of difference, but we can't make them do it, can we.
Pretty much the reason I finally decided that we must separate was to financially protect myself and the kids. He was doing crazy stuff with money, trying to buy a buisness without my knowledge, etc. I don't make a ton of money (teacher), but I can support myself and my kids. Not in the house we were in, so that's why we chose to move. The child support he's been giving me gives us a cushion. What I make pays the bills, food, and gas with only a little left over. I don't feel that he is trying at all except by giving us money.
After he took my daughter around OW (who he claims is not an affair, whatever) I decided that he is mentally unstable and I need to at least have the papers drawn up, even if I don't file them right away. Right now, if he wanted to cut us off financially, he could since there is no legal order. He could also come and demand to take the kids and we would just have to fight about it, since I have no custody order. I'm scared to not get myself legally covered. If Texas did a legal separation, I would do that but they don't. Either you're married, or you're divorced. Hard choice, but we need to be protected financially and custody wise.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Well, just talked to h re tax information. I'm trying to use Turbo Tax and do them myself. He was all down and mopey, at work, because he was supposed to be off this afternoon and was going to come by and surprise the kids and me (his wording). Now he has to work because someone called in. He was complaining about how he's tired of having to work all the time and not get to see us, etc.
I guess reality may be dawning on him that the drinking w/ his buds, poker, working out every morning, etc. is not really fullfilling his life. Bummer for him. Reality is a b*****. I think he's upset because we are supposed to work on d papers on Tuesday and he wanted to come and have another chance before that. Nothing says that once they are filled out we have to file them right away. All I asked him to do was show me with his actions that he wanted to be married.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
