I rented and watched the movie fireproof last night. The movie is about DBing. It was like watching my life story for the past year. Its definitely worth renting if you are DBing. After watching the movie I realized that through this whole process that I have not been patient enough. I would DB my butt off and not get any positive response and back slide. After watching I realized I have never made it past day 16!
If anyone else has watched the movie, I'd like to hear your opinion. If you haven't, rent it!
Keep the faith!! One Goal! Thanks CZ me: 34 XW: 29 D: 5 T: 13 M:9 Dday: Sep 18, 08 joint legal and physical custody of child XW recently told me, she d me, cause she tought I would abandoned her!
We watched the first hour on Sat nite. During the movie, she said that it really hit close to home. She didn't cry, but I could tell she was getting a little upset/mad maybe?
We finished watching it on Sunday. She wound up crying at the end
I thought it was a good sign but then her anger came out unstead. She said it was cruel to watch a video that hit so close to home with the person who treated her the same way. Ouch.
Another thing that came back to bite me was that the movie talked about the Love Dare book which provided a script of different things to do each day for the first 40. I was dumb enough to even comment about how I was thinking about getting.
During our counseling session that came up on Monday, she hit me about how I've changed, but she doesn't believe it. She said it seemed like I was following a script. Even when I answered her or the counselor's questions, it seemed like I was just quoting/reciting a book/script. She wanted me to act like me, not someone that I thik she wants me to be or someone just following a book/script.
I reassured her that this is my behavior as this is how I feel and want to act. I may use words out of a book as I often can't find the right words myself to describe how I'm feeling. That doesn't mean the feelings aren't true and my own.
So it's a toss up. If I had to do it again, knowing what I know now, I would not watch it with my wife together.
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
I watched it alone, and agree that its probably not a good idea to watch it with your spouse. Good luck!
Keep the faith!! One Goal! Thanks CZ me: 34 XW: 29 D: 5 T: 13 M:9 Dday: Sep 18, 08 joint legal and physical custody of child XW recently told me, she d me, cause she tought I would abandoned her!
In my situation, it was not good that my wife saw it all.
Oh well, can't change the past. I have to live in the present and plan for the future.
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
I think watching it alone first would be best, and then only introducing it to your S if and when the R is ready for it. Actually that would be my advice for all R building resources.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
I have the movie, but we haven't watched it yet, can you please check out my sitch, and tell me if you think we should watch it 2gthr, or not a good idea?
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
IMO the key point is that it cannot be pursuing that makes the WAS watch the movie with the LBS. I think that leaves very few opportunities to watch the movie together with the WAS.
In my case, I watched the movie on my own and then left the DVD for my W while I went on a business trip. I think she watched it. And even that I felt might have been borderline pursuing.
So bottomline, unless both of you are committed to working on the R, watch the movie alone.
M43 W45, M17 S9 D6 Bomb: 11/11/08 EA: 10/26-12/31/08 ? Retrouvaille: 2/13-2/15/09 Healed, but still heading for D My situation
I bought it for my wife on VDay at the end of my pursuing extravaganza from Jan 1 - Feb 14 We never watched it, but I took it with me when I moved out and watched it the other night. It seemed to fit us to a T and I don't think she should watch it right now. Joe, your question is hard to answer, but I think that you have to start small and reconnect if possible and then you will know when it will be right. Not really an answer, but I know in my sitch its not right yet. We have to connect more before we are ready for this type of thing.
I agree with AnotherNightmare, that both need to be committed to working on R and I also think you need to restore the connection or at least partially before watching also.
We never watched it, but I took it with me when I moved out and watched it the other night. It seemed to fit us to a T and I don't think she should watch it right now. Joe, your question is hard to answer, but I think that you have to start small and reconnect if possible and then you will know when it will be right. Not really an answer, but I know in my sitch its not right yet. We have to connect more before we are ready for this type of thing.