Hi, I am a newbie here......just a quick question......wondering the proper DB way to act when H comes home late (now 9:00pm on W) most likely after being with OW (he had a different story though). I'm not good at this......... Abby
Depends on what your boundaries are. Some people choose to ignore it. I for one won't do that.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Depends what your STATED boundaries are, and what evidence you have. If you've let him know that you won't live in an open marriage, nor tolerate deceit or the disrespect of him coming home late if he's been with OW, then get proof of it and take a stand.
Locksmiths can be of great help.
I would wait until one of his waltzing in's is a late at night one, and you have solid proof.
Another thing you can do is ANYTIME he lies to you about his affair, and you have proof, just STOP HIM. Put your hand up in the "stop" position and say "Please STOP IT. We both know you're lying to me right now, and it's incredibly disrespectful. I can't stop you from having an affair -- you're an adult, and YOU'LL have to live with that choice -- but it violates my own personal integrity to stand here and listen to you lie to me about it."
Thanks for the advice. Love the locksmith comment!
Things seem to have actually eased up a bit for us over the last weekend after Friday night. Not sure why...maybe after a month of complete inner turmoil, I am tired of feeling this way!
Went to a great St. Patrick's party at a friends Saturday, H initiated sex later that night (fun)....and H went to get me my coffee fix in the morning. He worked around the house all Sunday morning (hasn't done that in 3-4 months). He seemed like his old self again. Later when I went grocery shopping, came home and he was gone (expected that) but didn't call to find out where he was. Turns out he was shopping and ran into friends and then checked out the new gym in town. Nice family dinner that night too!
Last night, he went to "gym" (??), came home around 9:20pm but actually grabbed my hand when he came in the door and said hi. Hasn't done anything like that in awhile. I know I shouldn't get too excited by these crumbs of kindness. I have decided that I can not worry about what is going on or not going on while he is away because I have absolutely no control over that. I am trying to train my mind!!
Today is a new day......but glad that I am feeling better about things. Again, not sure WHY! GAL has been good...guitar lessons, piano, gym, yoga, sunbathing, college apps, work search, etc...
Hope your day is fantastic. I enjoy reading your posts to other folks. Beautiful sunny day out there!
