Just so frustrated!

[AbbysDad]

Its' been awhile since I posted, although I do still peak in and check on others.

I've been dating OW now for 8 months. Supermom went on a vacation to Disneyland w/ OM and left our 5 year old behind. We didn't tell Abby where except "out of town". It's STBX's b-day today and last night Abby and I were talking and Abby was very frustrated that she didn't get to see her mom and her b-day. Almost everyone I talk to is flabergasted that a mom of a 5yr old would go to Disneyland without her. I'm amazed but whatever.

Tonight OW was coming over for dinner and Abby gets along great with her. She even told her she "loved her" on Sunday. So I had dinner made and as soon as we sat down Abby went into "brat" mode. It was totally out of the blue because Abby has been an angel the last three nights. I got so frustrated with everyone; Abby's mom for doing this, Abby of course and OW because she was like "she doesn't want me here, I should go" and left. I just got a reality check on what I have to deal with....Abby's mom is going to always be her-first, Abby acting out and not telling me why, and OW (or future OW) having to deal with this.

I just wanted a nice quiet dinner with the 2 most important people and it went to SH@#@#@TTTT!

Any advice or suggestions are very welcome.

[Gypsy]

Good morning Abby's Dad..

Based on this post, I'm a little confused.

You and your wife separated independently without papers being filed. You are both living your own lives. Is she living with another man.. platonically.. otherwise?

The OW you refer to is your girlfriend? Calling her your girlfriend would be easier.. unless you were having an emotional and/or physical affair during your marriage.

Sometimes what you want and what you get are two different things.

Have papers been filed and are you in the process of getting divorced? Once the papers are filed, you are considered to be legally separated. Up until that time, the law sees you as married even if you and your spouse agreed upon the separation.

Your daughter's mom will always be first. That is a given. At Abby's age, she probably would not even know the exact date of her mother's birthday. It's a lot for a little girl to process and of course she'd feel rejected and unsettled.

If you were to have a long term commitment to your girlfriend, she would be an integral part of your daughter's life, creating a second family. At Abby's age, your girlfriend would become a second mom.

What you want and what you get are two completely different things. It isn't what you want.. it's what is best for your little girl during this difficult time. Seeing you with a woman other than mommy on mommy's birthday could cause any kid to fritz out.

You are package deal.. you and your Abby. Personally, I think your girlfriend did the right thing by leaving. She maintained her boundaries, did what was best for you daughter and gave you two breathing room.

There will be other dinners, other fun times with the three of you. Just remember that Abby needs lots of love and caring.. knowing that she always has her daddy.

One more question... how are you processing your wife's departure? Is your girlfriend a positive distraction? Everyone has to deal with the emotional fallout of a relationship disintergrating. Sooner is always better than later.

*hugs*

[AbbysDad]

Thanks Gypsy,

I've had time to think things through and I over-analyzed things. I think I was just so frustrated with everything. It caught me off guard because its been a while since Abby acted this way but I do think there was a connection with Abby's mom gone on her b-day and my girlfriend being there. Abby was taking out her anger on us. But at the same time it was Abby's idea to want her over. She even wanted her to have a "sleepover" which she's done a few times.

After I posted, Abby was just so depressed. I felt so bad about how sad she looked. I'm sure she was sad because she got so mad earlier and doesn't understand it. I let her sleep with me which I normally don't do.

Also, I let ex's "vacation" interfere. She's on vacation and that should be it, but knowing that she went to Disneyland without Abby clouded my thoughts. I can't do that.

Thanks Gypsy for chiming in. Your thoughts are well received.

Joe

[cat03]

5 year olds can't express themselves yet (I have one). 5yr olds love sleepovers and that didnt' mean she accepted your gf with no qualms and that all was fine with the world, it meant that at the moment she had fun and was happy, at that moment.

And sorry if I'm out of line guys, by saying this, but you tend the have a shorter memory span and you Joe, thought that perhaps your d5 was over the fact that her mom was gone and that you had a new lady in your life. Women remember everything, for a loooong time. Perhaps you might want to shorten the time when you are with your gf and your d5, your sig. says you sep. just last May, it is too soon for your d5 to be meeting someone...in my opinion at least.