Thread #4. Have to remind myself not to get comfortable!
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Strangest thing, something in me has really changed. I have been HD for so long...and no I feel...LD?
I am actually worried about it, and a bit confused as to what the heck happened.
Anyone else experienced a big drop in desire as a result of working on themself?
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
I've lost some momentum because our weekends have been so disrupted by illness and family stuff. I was just thinking this morning that I haven't been *trying* as I was before. My sexy hasn't been turned on. Things are nice, but not sexual in tone.
Could just be a natural dip in desire, no? We're not supposed to be horny every minute, right?
Perhaps LG. I feel different though, on a fundamental level. It has been going on for a month now.
Maybe we are not supposed to feel horny every minute...does that make me a recovered sex addict? Can you even be a sex addict if you want sex 24/7, but don't get it? lol...
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Not at all, in fact she has made more effort in the last month than I have seen in any month since we have been married.
It is somehow related to letting go of being emotionally tied to her. I almost feel like I could do better? Does that make any sense? D;
Actually...now I dig a little deeper, there is some resentment on my part. It is now not that she doesn't ML, but that it is just mercy sex. She is never really into it, and it's always "okay if we must", next "get it over with", and she never lays a hand on me (literally). It always is and has been me doing everything. I feel like she is a selfish lover, and that she sees it as "I am doing him a favor by letting him touch me".
I think maybe I have changed and my standards have risen. We ML three times last month, and now I am bored with it, it is always the same. D:
Maybe this is a natural stage I need to go through, but it is bothering me. Like a nagging feeling I have. I used to think about her and get hot and bothered, now I just feel "meh".
What gives? Despite my frustration, I actually LIKE that I am HD. I don't want that to go away.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
My guess is that what you're feeling is totally normal, especially if she hasn't "come around" with regard to intimacy without you fueling it.
It sounds like she feels that she's "giving you sex" in the name of saving the marriage. If she were working on her own sex drive, she would feel like she's taking as much as she's giving.
This is tough.
Is she doing anything to work on her own sex drive? Exercise, dressing sexy, massages, pedicures, pretty lingerie, porn... Anything?
I think that if our LD partners do nothing different other than have sex with us more, the disparate drives will always remain an issue. I don't think it is easy to change drives, but to get closer together by having the LD partner work on increasing drive through exercise, losing weight, healthy diet, reading, etc., might be possible.
No, she is not doing anything except she wore sexy lingerie for me two nights, which I did appreciate.
Guess I'll give it some time, thanks for responding LG.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
