Hi, I haven't been on in awhile,although I do lurk frequently.
I was on a lot last summer over on newcomers. To make a long story short last June my Husband asked for a separation, out of the blue, I had no warning and I was devastated. He said he was unhappy and wanted a separation leading towards divorce. We tried counseling with 2 different therapist but neither of them helped at all. I stuck with it and kept trying to work on improving myself and therefore my marriage.
By fall He decided to take it one day at a time, which I was happy to do because then he wasn't planning on leaving any more. We are currently working on the marriage and things for the most part are going good, even great at times. He is back to saying I love you and showing affection.
Well now of course a problem has come up or I would not be on here looking for some advice.LOL. My Birthday was 2 days ago, I try to not have any expectations so that I will not be disappointed when things don't happen as I had hoped. Well I made the mistake of letting myself have high expectations on my Birthday, and now I have been sad ever since. I know it has only been 2 days, but I just need to let this go. I mentioned something I wanted for my birthday and I became so confident that he got it for me. I was so sure. But nope, NO present. Now he did bring home a cake and flowers and I know I should be grateful for that alone. He said he wanted to get me the perfect gift but didn't know what to get, so he got nothing. I quess that is what hurts he could have gotten anything and I would have acted grateful, but nothing. I am having a hard time getting past this.
This turned out a lot longer than I thought. Thank you for listening. Just looking for advice or someone to just set me straight.
Thank you, Shelby
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Now that I have had several days to think things through, I now know it was miscommunication, something we obviously have to still work on.
I am still dealing with other issues though. How do I let go of some of the pain I still carry from when he wanted a separation/divorce ? How do I know he won't ask for this again any day at any time ?
Even though I had no proof of an affair and he denies one, I get such an anxious feeling whenever he wants to get together with the Guys or whenever I can't reach him on the cell. I do trust him, but theses feeling creep back every time.Can I get over these feelings?
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
I mentioned something I wanted for my birthday and I became so confident that he got it for me.
Did you hint around in some obscure way that he missed, or were you very clear: "Honey, I'd really like X for my birthday?"
Sometimes you have to be very straighforward, some guys are not good mind readers.
Quote:
He said he wanted to get me the perfect gift but didn't know what to get, so he got nothing.
Are you difficult to buy for? (My H is, every thing has to be just perfect, or he'll exchange it - made it difficult for me to buy for him. Took me a long time to figure out it was just better if he circled what he wanted in the catalogue and I got it for him).
Or do you think this is just an excuse for him not being motivated enough to shop for you?
