Hi Sandi, It has been such a busy couple of weeks! Regarding trying to outshine the OW, yes....I admit to attempting that. Have been working really hard to keep a PMA. Not just with regards to my M, but also with my children, the business, my health, life in general. In that respect, feeling much better and stronger.
I think that if H chooses OW over me, I will be OK...devastated, but OK. Not sure what their situation is. Sometimes, when H is gone on Sat/Sun mornings, I find myself thinking about what H is doing. With her? Not with her? ugh!!! Been working on stopping these thoughts and doing something else constructive. Planted flowers this weekend and that was a nice diversion.
Even though H and I have been getting along really well the last few weeks, great sex, fun times with friends, I am still pursuing my GAL goals because I don't know what the future holds. Afterall...he did tell me that he plans to move out once the kids are out of school this year. That conversation was in February. He hasn't spoken of this again nor have I. Still no I Love You's on my part - or his (following DR rules).
Amy has been an inspiration. I am still reading through her threads. Only towards the end of #2 so far!
I love your ideas for "outshining" OW. Thank you for your advice! Hope you are well today
Has anyone out there ever reconciled with a spouse who became instantly distant and non-interested in your life? I want to try to save my M but it all seems so one sided right now. I know the book says it may be that way and to be patient. That is hard! I even thought about calling a psychic. See...I am a bit crazy now! Thanks everyone.........for listening..........
Oh yes! It can be done. Probably one of the hardest things you will EVER do, but worth it if it works. My own situation started almost the day I went back to work after having gone thru surgery and treatment for breast cancer. I watched as my H (who was my best friend) turned into a distant, mean and crazy alien.
It has been terribly hard work. Harder than the cancer was. But things are turning around for us, and I am again finding myself with the man that I fell in love with.
I would suggest that you read everything than you can about mid life crisis, and "How to Survive an Affair." I don't know if you can find any of my posts from last spring and summer. If you can, I got some wonderful advice from very wise posters. It kept me sane, and hopeful.
It can happen, one baby step at a time.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Thank you 1hope. Will try to find your threads! Up and down on this end....thought we were making progress and then the last two nights H slept on the couch. Ouch! Will keep plugging along...Abby
H spent 1/2 night on couch and other 1/2 in our bed. I wonder if he came in late to avoid conversation (or other), or maybe he was just tired and fell asleep on couch! I know I shouldn't spend too much energy overanalyzing H's comings and goings and his habits when I am trying to GAL and have a PMA, but hard when we live in the same house! I have been thinking alot about his bday coming up next month. Not sure if I should plan something w/friends, family, or just us? Or anything? What to do?!
Also in the back of my mind, our 20th anniversary is coming up in late summer. I know...much too far away to be concerned since I am taking things day by day. I wish he would wear his wedding ring. I took one of mine off (mostly because of weight loss it is too big now) but still wear the wedding ring). H has never commented. I don't think he has noticed or that he even cares.
Really craving some ROMANCE! Not just sex (which has been great lately) but some old fashioned romance. Don't know when if ever that will happen again. Even kissing during sex would suffice. I sometimes feel that sex is just sex with men....nothing more. Thoughts?
Hi Abby, why not do a real big 180 regarding his birthday? What would be the opposite of what you have "always" done in the past? What could you do....or not do.....that would make him stop and think about it. What would make him think, "Wow, she has always given me parties and done all these nice things for my birthday!"
If you have a mischievous side to you, you could even pretend that you are not thinking one twit about his BD coming up b/c he has been a bad boy and does not deserve anything special. Kind of let your imagaination take over.
On a more realistic side of this, I would not "over-kill" by trying to impress him and go over-board in your efforts. Remember, you are worth a trillion bucks and he needs to be working to keep you! He is a lucky so & so to have you for his wife and he needs to remember that! You just keep holding your head up high, shoulders back, smile on your face as if you've been up to something and are quite pleased with it (that will drive him crazy) and just go about life loving every minute of it, and knock him over with your flirtiness and sensual behavior toward him in private. Always have a hint of mystery about you. Never tell every single detail......it ruins it for the man...
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks Sandi... As always I really appreciate your encouragement! We typically spend H's bday as a family , go out to dinner, presents and cake at home. Nothing too over-the-top. I have something in mind but need to see how things play out over the next month. Have a great Friday! Abby
Hi, Just venting...... Thought things were rolling along OK....but tonight....was on way to S18's game (30 min away) H was so-so about attending...so LM on his cell phone if he could pick up D15 from track practice at 5pm (left this message around 3:20pm or so) no call from him or message so I didn't go to son's game (didn't want to leave her stranded). Picked up D15 around 5pm and went for pizza. H called D15 while we were there around 5:20pm or so to see if she was still waiting for a ride. H never called ME back!! WTF? I am NOT calling him but WANT TO BIG TIME!! Seriously...who would have picked up D15 if I didn't ditch on the game? We'll see what time H rolls in............... Anyway, hope you all have a nice evening!
I know it must be one of the very hardest things in this world to do, but if a wife can be witty, mysterious, interesting, charming, flirty, (and of course look like a sex godess), and acts as if she doesn't give a twit what her H does or doesn't do....says or doesn't say......he will practically fall at her feet! It is funny, but when the wife can act as if she is happy-go-lucky with her life and adds a little mystery there (almost as if she has a "secret" on the side), it makes her suddenly so much more interesting to her H. Don't misunderstand me about the "secret" b/c I'm not suggesting you imply you are having an affair yourself! But, it is kind of like when you act as if you have been up to something......it gets people interested in what's going on in your life. In other words, it gets their attention off the OP and onto you! Some women say, "but I feel like a fake", well so what? If it works......it's worth it! I think the majority of us would feel almost like a fake to do anything "different" b/c we get into such a rut.
Many years ago I read something and I'll share it with you. A man can almost stand anything except boredom. Then it went on to say, "Make sure your H never finds it boring at his own address!" What an assignment! But, do you know, that I actually did that for a long time and had a ton of fun in doing it. My H never had a lot of imagination.....or at least he never put it into action...lol. However, he sure enjoyed "my works of imagination". Since the sex is good at this time, you could really put that imagination to use. (If you need any ideas....let me know...lol.)
Talk to you later. Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hey Sandi, Thanks...you are the best! Another Monday night, H will probably be late. The usual. I hate to leave my D15 home alone but may try to get out of the house tonight. It is hard to be mysterious with kids in the house! H will just ask D15 or S18 where I am (that is if he even calls them). I am not the type of person (unlike H) to just leave for hours on end, not answer the cell phone and assume everything will be ok. I am responsible for these kids as is he.
We actually had a nice weekend...I feel like things seem more casual and less tense than they were. I am finding it a bit easier as time goes on not to "care as much" about H's comings and goings. But we went to an art festival yesterday and it would have been great to hold hands. Still craving an emotional connection. Sexual connection...no problem!
Relapsed and did a little snooping on OW. She actually seems pretty groovy and if circumstances were different....probably someone I could be friends with.
Sandi, you crack me up with the comments about being witty, mysterious, interesting, charming, flirty and sex goddess! Wow...I have serious homework now!
Thank you so much for always checking back with me. It is so nice to have your support! Abby
