Well at Sara's instigation I am reopening my sandbox for fun and frolics and for anyone who wants to catch me and ask me questions....or who just wants to pop in and say hi ....or just play.
For those of you who don't know me so well let me recap slightly.
My H and I went through some pretty bad wilderness years when we didn't seem to like each other. It built up gradually but the rocky slide started when we had children. H talked me into being a mother, ( I was a very happy career girl with a better career than his at the time). I had never had children in my plan but when I held my first D everything changed. I knew then I wanted four!!! So, I became a SAHM and my focus shifted on to the kids and my H meanwhile rocketed in his career. We lost touch with one another and cracks appeared.
I began to suffer badly from depression after my fourth child but didn't know why so I started shopping 'til I dropped, (as H is extremely well payed), and H in order to placate me went along with it and then even went so far as to buy me my horses when I wanted them. Nothing he did though made me happy.
One day I realised that I had my priorities wrong and what I wanted was my H....not 'things'....and a happy and fulfilling M. So I decided to get myself off my AD's and went and found a clinical pyschologist who helped make me get better through the use of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, (CBT).
Eventually, when I was ready, I wrote my H a letter outlining exactly how I felt, apologoising for my awful behaviour in the past, and outlining my hopes for the future. He didn't reply for three days, (which was awkward as we still slept in the same bed), and then on the fourth day he told me he had been having an A with one of his staff for the last 18 months. Well, all hell broke lose. I tried to commit suicide and was almost committed. We had a week of hell when we both threatened each other with all sorts and OW got a right earful from myself and my second D.
At the end of the week my H recommitted to the M and we haven't looked back since. Certainly there have been bad moments....mainly on my side....when my thought processes get the better of me. But gradually things have calmed down. My hatred of the OW brought me to the boards a year after our M had reconciled and in the end I had to allow myself the right NOT to forgive her in order to move on. She was particularly manipulative and underhand. My H had to pay her off to get her out of his Co.
Well, that's it in a nut shell.
The sandbox is now open. Play nicely....no throwing sand. Drinks available on request. Pretty much anything else goes, ( but Theo....keep SOME clothes on ok?)
Look forward to hearing from you all.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I am run off my feet at the moment as we have moved my eldest D's pony over to where I keep my horse and so I am now looking after two horses full time and having to muck out and ride two. I am beginning to think I am getting to old for all of this!!!! I love it but it sure wears me out.
The weather keeps going from spring like back to cold again and today has been one of thos cold days. Last week I saw my first lambs gambolling around the fields which was really nice.
My H seems to be in pretty good spirits and being easy to get along with at the moment, ( I a sure I am temting fate by saying that), so all in all it's good.
This year we have a pretty heavy year academically as two of my children are taking state exams. My eldest will then hopefully be going off to university....the same one H and I went to which feels kind of strange!!!!! I shall really miss her. At the moment I am teaching her to drive which has some rather exciting moments!!!LOL
What's new with you?
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I know taking care of horses is alot of work! I know you love it, and I'm sure its worth the sweat!
Weather here is so drastic at times, My boys are sick everyother wk.. its exhausting.
Thats great all is well with H. Its ok here. just status quo. H has been busy trying to get work, and with the economy the way it is, its stressful.
Wow, college.. im trying to get through kindergarden. There standards are so high for a 6 year old its crazy.
Ive had a headache for the last four days, don't know what it is. Im going to try and get to the dr. today.
My mother is ticking me off lately. Sometimes I just wish they would all leave me alone. She treats me so diferently than my sister, and I've had just aboout enough of it. Im supposed to see her tomorrow, but I probably will be cancelling it. All I have learned is the only person you can count on is yourself. its one of those days!!
Still hope to get out your way soon!
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Your story is always inspiring. I remember when we were two newbies haunted by the memories of our husbands affairs and commiserated on these boards.
I just saw an article in my alumni journal from U. of Pa. that says that new studies have shown that cognitive therapy has been shown to be just as effective as antidepressants for treating depression and more effective at treating relapses after treatment. Actually this was published in the Archives of General Psychology in 2005; so it's not very new research.
Great to see you guys here....feels like old times!!!
I have found CBT to be way more effective in the long run than AD's. I do think in the beginning I needed the 'chemical' help as I was in such an extreme and bad way and the CBT takes a while to train oneself to use...but now, ( not that I claim to be an expert by any means), I find it very useful. I am sure there are times when I would be back on the tablets if it weren't for the CBT.
What do you think Theo?
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Just kidding... but I did find low dose AD's a lifesaver during the divorce. However, CBT can be surprisingly powerful. I think I've mentioned this before, but my youngest child has OCD. I took him to someone extremely experienced with this, and learned a lot. It even made me look at my own minor "obsessions" (like I can be a bit of a clean freak), and how I should approach that (never avoid!) so it doesn't become a "disorder."
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
that seems to be an oxymoron, being a clean freak is a disorder. If you require everything to be orderly, how can you house a disorder in yourself? And, could you come to my house and let your disorder rearrange the havoc?
