Depression has set in.

[Beans]

As much as I tried to be strong depression has finally set in.
H left one month ago and at first I was handling things as well as to be expected. Every day life has gradually become more difficult. I feel awful that Im not as "available" for my kids as I should be. I did go to the Dr and am currently taking meds for this. I do have an appointment for IC today. the problem now is I feel this overwhelming urge to get away for a few days and just regroup, organize my thoughts. H said he would watch the kids for a few days. He also has been calling me daily to make sure I am ok. He said since the depression is because of him, he would like to be there for me? Even thought I like the attention I know it is just pity. It is a dilemna, I don't want him to pity me, but the attention feels oh so good!

[kat727]

I would say get your self together. It does take make a couple of weeks for the meds to get to where they take the teary edge off of your feelings. If there doesn't seem to be much of a difference, speak with your doctor and you may try something else.

Obviously there is some concern on your H's part. don't worry if it is pity or what, just take him up on his offer and take care of you. I know how you feel because I was in a terrible slump for about 4 months last year after I found out he filed. He and our situation were the only things I could think about. I am in a much better place now and think of all the regular stuff that gets to us day in and day out.

You will get there. hugs.

kat

[Beans]

Thanks kat. Yes, my head knows what to do knows I need to take care of myself. How do you do something you have no motivation to do? My head keeps telling me to do this for myself my kids, My heart screams I can't without him. I know I will get there its just extremely tough!!

[kat727]

My kids were my biggest support group. They saw the tears, the devastation I felt, how hard I was trying to keep our family together. We were together for nearly 21 years and had been married 19 years. I had to find my identity again without him.

I was already a pretty strong person but we had been together so long it felt as if our names went together like peanut butter and jelly. We have been divorced now for 7 months and while I still have frustrations over our current situation, I am ok.

I joined a book club. I went to some movies alone(yikes). I am starting to find the me that got lost in us being a couple. I found this site and posted and found friends. Honestly, this site helped me get out of my funk. Keep posting.

kat

[Beans]

I feel also my kids are a huge support. H told me not to be so sad in front of the kids, it is bring them down. I did talk to my daughter about this and she said yes, she doesn't like to see me sad, and she didn't want to tell me so she told dad. I reassured her to tell me how she feels. I couldn't promise her I would never be sad, but told her we need to be open with feelings. I hate that he's trying to control my emotions!
I can relate to trying to find your identity again. We have been together 22 years, married 18. I am finding this site is helping, thanks for the encouragement

[kat727]

Anytime. How old are your kids and how many do you have? Just a month or so ago I was able to drop exH off of my signature line and the circumstances of his betrayal as well. I decided it didn't help to hold on to the "crud" any longer. He no longer defines me or my family.

You are going to have good days and bad days. The first time you laugh you will be surprised. I had to post about it. Let it out here. We have all been there to some degree and there are so many to offer advice(I know that is sad in itself). Take time away if you need to but know that people will wonder where you are or what you are doing.

My s16 hates to see me cry now but I really don't know how I would have made it without him. I think it made him grow up a little faster than I would have liked but he also understands what happened and what is going on now.

hugs, kat

[pollyanna]

Kids is what gets me out of bed every morning and I am now in a place where I think - he may have OW but i have the kids. I have not abandoned them. Nice feeling NOW

[hope3343]

Beans, sorry to see you here. I have been going through depression but just recently. I think I was so shocked by H's A that I could not think straight. It is only recently with H giving me D papers in January that it is tough times.

I try to offset these feelings by going for Yoga and going to the gym 4/5 times a week. That does help. The weekends are tough and I think I could stay in bed all day but I am trying to overcome it.

Some days all you can do is breathe. Take one day at a time.

[Beans]

I have 2 kids. S12 and D14. They are great! Yes, they are a big reason I get myself moving each day.

I did decide to take a few days off just so I didn't feel like I "had" to do anything, trying to regroup but I'm finding it difficult but then again this is my first day away. I'm doing nothing today, hopefully I will pull myself up tomorrow and do something constructive.

Hope, yes I know I need to offset these feelings by keeping busy. Glad you have been able to do that! Any meds of C? Yoga sounds good, I will have to give it a try. How much time between you finding out about H's A and D papers? When I found out about A, I wasn't shocked, in fact I felt like I was in complete control. Now that he has moved out that is when I became depressed.

I can relate to some days all you can do is breath! One day at a time and one moment at a time!

[hope3343]

Beans, how are your kids taking this? It does take a toll on them. I try my best but there are days that are tough and I don't want to lean on my kids. I am the parent.

H told me in July 08 - he wanted to split up after coming home drunk one night. We went to MC seperately 3x and then met together and he said he wanted to live on his own and did not want to work on the M. (21 years). I always felt that H just agreed to MC as a way to tell me he wanted out. Started to figure out the A in August, H moved 10/1, confirmed A around then, H files papers 1/09. He has never tried to come back and is in very deep with OW. We all work at the same place. It has been h@ll for me.

I continued with C through to 1/09. No meds so far but if I need it I will have to start them. I currently take St. John's Wort which is a natural vitamin.

I try to keep busy but the weekends are the worst. It is always such a lonely time for me. Hate it. We need to GAL, stay focused on the goal.

Do you see your H? Now is the time to DB even though you don't feel like it. Let him think that you have moved on. Has H asked for a D? How much do you know about OW? Did you expose the A? I wish that I took action sooner than I did and I think it hurt my situation by not being a little more agressive.
take care