Been lurking for a while and have found loads of useful advise but I would be interested to know people’s viewpoint on this....
Briefly married 20+ years; four grown-up kids. Lived parallel lives for years although in the main I felt that we were both content. Around the age of 43 I got depressed and was worried about kids leaving home, ageing and so on. Had an EA with someone who seemed to understand and to be honest boosted my confidence and made me feel that I wasn’t over the hill and alive again. H found out – I stopped the A and we tried to carry on as normal. We did not properly talk it through but swept it under the carpet. It probably took me 15 months to get over the EA and then I did start to fall in love with my H again. I used to keep my feelings to myself so didn’t tell him that. It was too late he’d given up on the M by this time and a few months later moved out of the FH.
In the past year I did all the wrong stuff pleading, trying to be logical and reason with my H over the reason why we should stay together. I kept this up for about 6 months till I found DB/DR.
Eighteen months on I love my H and would like to give us another chance. I’ve been GAL, given up smoking and have worked hard to be more honest and open with my feelings. He doesn’t seem to have noticed any of it. We do talk to each other occasionally but it feels more like we are acquaintances rather than friends. He in particularly is very cagey around me and doesn’t let me know anything about his new life. I think (although don’t know) he has noticed that I’m happier and he believes that is because we are separated and not because I worked my way out of depression despite our separation.
I’ve been trying to be patient as suggested by MWD but it’s killing me. I feel that our M is slipping away and nothing I do is helping.
As far as I can tell he’s not any happier and there’s no OW. He spends his time working and doing sport. Sees the kids once a week.
Particularly had a look at Thinkers thread his wife seems feel like I did 3 years ago. Interesting to get his viewpoint and has made me think hard about what I put my H through at the time.
My question I suppose is: Should I simply ask for another chance to give our marriage ago or should I continue going dark and GAL in the hope that he notices and approaches me?
