I have been gone for Quite a while I guess I needed a break I have been running out of steam! Over the past few weeks my wife has been up and down. I have been doing pretty well in removing negative feelings. Two weeks ago she came home and told me that she was never going to see the other man again. and said that she missed me and was sorry.
I was quite and listened said I support her and that she can take all the time and space she needs. She even went as far the next day to get all of her things from his place.
I didn't jump up and down with excitement because this is the 3rd time. But I was supportive and calm, I need to see actions not just words.
Her mother told me that she was mad at herself and om. Apparently the om was secretly communicating with another women (one he had been cheating with on his wife for 14 years).
2 days later all the signs of her seeing other man returned and she has even been to his ski chalet again. I guess she likes being treated badly herself. This is like the Jerry springer show!!!
I finally have had enough for now I can't live in the house while she is playing house at the OM's. After consultation with my DB Coach I left a letter for her this weekend to find and I got out of dodge staying at my brothers to give her time to think about it.
The letter just made it real I still want to reconcile but right now she has the best of both worlds I take care of the house and share the bills and she gets to play house with him on the weekends. So to rescue my self respect I indicated to her that I realize she doesn't want to reconcile and that I am ready to let her go.(last last resort technique). I also said I am ready for her to move out. She has been telling me that she was moving in with her friend or mother but has done nothing about it.
At this point she needs a reality check and I need some peace. I made the letter about my feelings and her decisions not mentioning the other man. I need to take the driver seat right now.
So now I am just waiting untill monday for her response.
cheers,
the long lost jeff
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Sorry Jeff. I think your right, sometimes we just need to take a stance. One day your w will regret. It's sad that she wants to waffle back and forth especially with someone like you describe as om. He seems to fit the role once a cheater always a cheater.
Oh well not for us to try to figure out why they want this insaneness.
Take care of yourself. Glad to see you back posting.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Jeff, Glad to see that you have posted. Are you prepared for what her response may be? She may not respond at all, but I do think she will move out in her own sweet time.
It's time now to focus on you and allow your w to twist in the wind.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Jeff I just read thorough a bit of your sitch and I wanted to say good for you on standing up for yourself. I know for me, asking my H to move out was very hard but gets easier to deal with as time goes by. Its important for you to focus on yourself right now, and it sounds like you are doing just that. Ill check back and see what her response is, if she chooses to respond
Unfortunately this is my second, seems I married a woman similar to my first wife and this is my wifes first marriage. She also has ADHD and can be hard to manage anyway.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
thanks for the support I need to take my life back summer is coming and I am not going to have another one like last summer life is just to short. The funny thing is I don't think she believes she is behaving badly.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
I am ready for her answer. I have come to the point were I am alone anyway even with her in the house, but am constantly reminded of her infidelity. So if she (by some miracle) wants to work on the marriage I won't even have that conversation until we are infront of a counselor. If she leaves at least I can relax in my own house.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
thanks, I feel that now I have to take a stand because I feel that she is just using me for convenience so that she doesn't have to move. Now it's all about me.
ME 44 W 32 M 5 T 6
no kids
June 08 I don't want to be married it's not you it's me
Jeff, I understand how you feel. You have to do what is right for you. The walking on egg shells isn't easy and yes, you can then relax in your own home and not worry about what you say or do aruond her. She may need to be out on her own in order to face reality. You've been very good to her and she needs to actually "miss" what she's had all along...a good husband.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
