Hey guys...Ive been posting for a while over on the mlc forum, but thought maybe I should post here a while.
My H has had me on a rollercoaster for over 2 years now. Well ever since Christmas he has been confused and thought about coming home. We have been separated for almost a year now, but have continued a somewhat intimate relationship. Now I find out that there is another woman once again who is wanting to be his girlfriend, but he has told her not right now because he has too much going on in his head. I feel like he has been stringing me along and I dont know what to do about the jealousy I am feeling right now. Im so mad that he is even spending time with this woman considering everything going on. DOesnt that complicate things?
Sorry, Im just looking for someone to talk to.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I don't know your complete sitch, but from what you wrote above and your signature line - "Came back...too many times!!" - I think you need to consider a couple of things. First what is this doing to you and your kids with him being so indecisive coming and going? There is no stability in that and only heartache for you and your children continuously dealing with their father checking in and out of their "home". Secondly, ask yourself what's different this time compared to the other times he's thought about coming back. If it's the same old song and dance then I'd take a pass for now. If it seems different, more sincere, then I think for you to even consider trying this again, you need to sit down with your H and set out clear ground rules and boundaries which include him not seeing other women obviously, especially those who are not a "friend" of the marriage. Just my 2 cents. I wish you the best.
Thank you S4H....that does make sense. But I know the moment I start laying out ground rules...he will run. He is scared to come back....what he wants is a guarentee that things will work....and that isnt possible and he knows that.
He is afraid of losing something that may be a good thing, because of fear.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Well...what is your husband MORE afraid of: losing you or a losing a potential new girlfriend? This isn't the "love of his life" he's talking about it's the thought of a fun romance with someone he's just met.
Sorry, he's still in full MLC. Doesn't sound like values you or respects you enough to want to treat you decently. He's still about weighing his options and having no restrictions put on him.
And, Kissak, does he think he'll ever really lose you? If you've always been there, always loving and forgiving he knows he can screw this other woman, string you long for another 6-12 months and you'll take him back.
Hard question: have you really done the "get a life" DB program. In other words are you the stong, fun, independent, sexy, beautiful, mysterious woman who doesn't need you husband to be happy, yet is irresistible and fun to be with? Have you shown him by your actions and life that if you move on he'll be the one to lose out?
I know what I'm saying is harsh, but that's what divorce-busting is all about. It's not easy. And most of us here can't seem to do it, (me included). Chances are you are the same person you were when this all started. And you know what?....that's the person he's not attracted to. It's all about attraction. Can you attract him back? Yes or No?
By the way ther person you are is fine. And most of us DB men would kill to have someone like you.
If you can't attract him, then the only thing you can do is set boundaries and ultimatums, which in some sense is attractive, because it tells him you value yourself enough not to be treated poorly. Being a doormat is not attractive. Showing him you can move on might be the 180 you need to get his attention.
Look, hun, we can't all knock their socks off and radically transform ourselves into passionate, self-confident, sexy people. If you can, then it's your best shot. And even then there are no guarantees. The next bext shot is show some backbone.
Hard question: have you really done the "get a life" DB program. In other words are you the stong, fun, independent, sexy, beautiful, mysterious woman who doesn't need you husband to be happy, yet is irresistible and fun to be with? Have you shown him by your actions and life that if you move on he'll be the one to lose out?
I know what I'm saying is harsh, but that's what divorce-busting is all about. It's not easy. And most of us here can't seem to do it, (me included). Chances are you are the same person you were when this all started. And you know what?....that's the person he's not attracted to. It's all about attraction. Can you attract him back? Yes or No?
Thanks Theo for your post. I have been getting a life. He knows that I have. Thats when he usually starts poking around again in my life. HE gets curious about me and what I am doing. THen sucks me back in. But I have learned alot over the past 2 years, and not Im not the same person I was back then. Even he has said that. He knows if I move on he will be the one missing out, thats why he keeps wanting to come back. Even now, the "possible gf" she was just that...a fun time. It lasted all of a weekend. I have set the boundaries and given him the ultimatums. I have told him he cannot come back anymore and do this I wont allow it and he promised me he wouldnt. Of course, he is already breaking his promise. I however am staying strong and focused this time around. I wont get sucked back in. I deserve far more respect than what i have been getting.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
