This is the first time my husband has been out of town on a business trip since he told me about the A. The A happened over 16 months ago, but I've only known for 3 months now.
Anyway, I find myself becoming anxious at night if he doesn't call before going to bed (he's on the east coast, I'm on the west). Before and during the A, this was typical behavior, but I silently suffered through it. When we were apart on trips, if he didn't call in the morning or in the evening, I felt like he didn't care about me.
However, things are getting better for us now, but I still get hung up on this. I told him this morning how I was feeling. He thought because he had checked in with me earlier in the day that he didn't need to check in with me at night, too. I told him that it is a slower path to recovery for me as I don't feel as connected to him when he doesn't call before going to bed. It's kind of like going to bed without a kiss good night in a way. I'm not used to asking for what I need from him in our relationship, so this is huge for me. Of course, now I question if I'm being too needy or if this is a reasonable request.
He said he understands where I'm coming from and why I need this. I know he's going to internalize this and feel he's not meeting my expectations and think things aren't going to get better for us. I know they will get better. I wish he'd see a counselor for himself, but he doesn't have the time. Truly, he is able to squeeze in time to see one counselor and wants to focus on the marriage counselor for now. Part of me thinks it would be more beneficial for him to see his own counselor so he can move forward. Any suggestions out there?
