JDOllie's Story #6

[JDOllie]

Well, #6 breaks through!

Currently I am in a holding pattern. I am about 20 days into a self-imposed "going dark" through February 28th.

At this point, I have the option of filing divorce, continuing to stay dark, waiting to "see". W has said she is pursuing dissolution a month an a half ago. I gave her information two weeks ago, and asked her for some information in return, and I have received nothing.

I am not going to do anything until March 1, but at this point, I have no idea what to do, so I'm basically going with the flow.

I worry that not filing in the face an A sets a bad example for my kids, enables W, etc, but just don't feel "right" about it.

[Startingover2]

Found ya!

I would say if you are not ready to file for D, then don't. BUT I would file a legal separation to protect yourself legally and financially. You never know what your W will do and you would be half responsible.

[JDOllie]

That is one thing I struggle with. In my state, if you are separated physically and financially, you can prove your "separation" in court.

So, honestly, the longer this goes, and the closer W gets to her nursing degree, the better it is for me financially. I'm not being greedy, just reasonable.

Dunno.

[lemonsnap]

Sounds like its OK for you to wait a while, legally, and that you're not 100% decided one way or the other. This has been going on long enough that you can wait it out a little longer until you feel more certain about your decision. You want to feel right about whatever it is you decide.

[JDOllie]

I wish I just knew WHAT to do! Thanks for stopping by.

I do feel pretty good - sort of sad, but good. W had an old antique couch she was redoing, an old chandelier, and her painting chair just sitting in the garage.

I texted her and asked her if she wanted them, she said yes, so I dragged them out to the curb for her to pick up when she drops off kids. Another separation step, bittersweet.

[Startingover2]

Then I would wait on the D if you are not ready. No hurry if you are still protected financially. In my state until some sort of paperwork was done exh could have went and gotten 5 credit cards, a new truck, crashed it and I would have been held responsible.

[pearlharbr]

Hi JD

I didn't realize I locked your last thread.

I'm sorry you're feeling blah right now. I know it comes and goes but know that we all think you're doing a great job with going dark and standing firm.

I would second SO2's observation about protecting yourself legally from the crap W could pull. You're not just doing it for yourself, you're doing it for your children's future too. And if waiting is the best option then by all means wait. I don't think anyone would see that as being greedy, just looking out for the best interest of your family, your new family.

[Tawnya]

{{{Jon}}} true what everyone else says, if you don't have to make the decision, then wait until you feel right, patience patience patience (learning this one myself LOL)! But, I also agree that make sure you are protected financially.

Tawnya

[JDOllie]

Yup, my family is about to go nuts - they think I should've kicked her to the curb a looooong time ago.

But I told them I'M going to make the decision with God's guidance - and no one is going to rush me or delay me, except God.

I can feel good about that.

[JDOllie]

Wow, this is so pathetic.

My mom has been up staying with us. Apparently W doesn't like it - my kids LOVE their mammaw. This is so sick I'm can't even believe it.

My mom is very religious, very concerned about her kids. She has told me it'd be better to die as a baby than to miss heaven.

So W told our KIDS that my Mom laid her head on W's stomach and prayed for the kids to die if they weren't going to be Christians.

I'm utterly speechless - she NEVER did that. Also, even if she HAD done it, you don't tell SIX and EIGHT year old children that!

This is getting so ridiculous it's starting to border on insane. Mom just told the kids that she didn't say that, and she loved them very much. We will NOT lower ourselves to that.

It made me so happy that even with W trying so mightily, the kids ran in and hugged her and were so excited to see her.