Well, after almost 4 months after the bomb my wife and I are starting to bring our marriage back together. First post on this forum, I need some help. My wife was dating someone after she left and has kept me in the dark about the extent of the relationship. After she "left" him to work on us I asked what had happened and she got angry at me. Basically doesnt want to tell me anything, and to make things worse she still has contact with him, but says its strictly plutonic. I told her that if she wants to be together and build a stronger marriage she has to cut him out of her life completely. Its how I feel. It is hurtful to me that she was with him. I assume that the worst happened between them though she won't tell me. I feel that we must be open with each other if we are to have a successful M. I've been DBing well I think. I believe she wants us to be together, we've talked about having a renewal ceremony and such. Why does she still insist on keeping this guy in her life?
MMe-28 W-27 together 5yrs M-4 Kids-1 D-3 Bomb 20 Oct 08 Filed for D 29 Oct 08
let me be the first to welcome you to the piecing forum, I have been here a year now and althought this stretch is taking you on the road towards recovery it is still vey much a bumpy ride so you'll still need to buckle up.
Although you and your W are moving forward together I know you will feel the need to get everything out into the open, but that will be the very last thing she wants to do and there wil be a number of reasons behind it, shame, guilt, protecting your feelings, the list will go on, but she won't want to talk. If you press for answers she'll probably back off from you.
At the moment your W still has a foot in both camps, you as plan A and OM as plan B, so if you have it in you just ignore OM and focus on you and making Plan A such a solid plan that W in her own time will ditch plan B.
The big step is your W has decided to give your M a chance all you can do now is work with the positives you have and work with them slowly as not everything with get fixed in an instance.
BB, One of the difficult things to learn with Piecing when there is an EA is to learn to tolerate its presence during the reconciliation process. Demanding that she cease and desist the EA will likely be met with resistance.
She will need to separate from the other person, at some point if there is to be intimacy and in your M, but for now you're working on connection and communication. You will have to accept the level of connection she is willing to give.
Piecing requires courage, patience, and openness. If you stay with the situation, you will be stretched further than you have ever been in your life.
Resist the temptation to control your W. One of the lessons in Piecing is that we ultimately don't have control over the outcome of our M, though we do have influence.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Well, its been a few weeks of this and I still don't see much progress I think. We still are living separately, and she hasn't so much as let me kiss her. She still talked like we are going to be happily married one day, but I see no steps moving in that direction. I'm a little confused. I've been doing "The love dare," and even noticed she bought the book too, however I can tell it hasn't been open. I noticed on her computer she still has pictures with her and OM and none of me. Should I be worried? This really is starting to bother me. Thanks.
MMe-28 W-27 together 5yrs M-4 Kids-1 D-3 Bomb 20 Oct 08 Filed for D 29 Oct 08
