I have read DR and liked it very much. I am just afraid it is too late. My H is in la la land with MLC. All the usual stuff, OW-You're too good for me speech- i just want to live alone- just walked away from me and kids age 16&14. Oh He is the fun Dad. I am here to raise the kids by myself. He goes to their games, etc.. we are seperated for the last 2 months. I kicked him out after I found him lying to me again. I can not put up with OW so i kicked him out. After reading DR I guess I should have let him live here and try to work on things but I have to deal with the reality of the sitch and we have very limited contact. i have read everything I can about MLC and consider myself quite an expert. So I need help & encouragement with the 180. I have read the chapter on MLC probably 10 times. So I just should not contact him? I want my M to work soooo much. I can forgive the OW thing and even understand it but this is just such a nightmare. I want to call him and talk about how he can do this to our family but that has gotten me nowhere. Help please. I am looking for words of encouragement that NC will work. That and prayer are my only options at this point. We do discuss finances or the kids but rarely and usually through email. He has asked me to put the breaks on the D because I went to see a L and paid a retainer. I do think there is a sliver of hope but he says it could be a very long time. i think he started MLC behavior in 05. It has just gotten severely worse in the last year. No end in sight. Does the advice in DR work for MLC? I am reading and reading but I am confused. Any advice out there?
h 43 me 42 kids 16&14 seperated dec 08 mlc behavior since nov 05
Hope, So sorry you are dealing with this. Don't beat yourself up about kicking your husband out. I believe you have to draw a line in the sand when it comes to that kind of behavior. It can be toxic for you and your kids.I told my wife right off , if you date , you have to move out.Don't pressure him, leave him be. Pray for guidance, the Lord is your can be your refuge, he has been mine for certain.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
craig, Thank you. I just get confused because he says he loves me. We had a good life together. He is just throwing it away. This MLC is a really scary thing. If he emails me should I emailback ? Keep it casual? or ignore his emails? I don't want to be a doormat. I have plenty of self esteem and I keep asking God what he wants me to learn.
h 43 me 42 kids 16&14 seperated dec 08 mlc behavior since nov 05
Hope, Remember what you read in DR, don't believe alot of what he says.As far as emailing him back, Yes keep it casual, no r talk, be kind, don't push.You don't always need to email him right back, and no you don't need or deserve to be a doormat. Take care of you and the kids, this can take lots of time, have patience.Take your focus off him, put it on you and the kids.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Your time line and mine are eerily close. Married 19 years and 1 week and then the bomb.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Yes , I did the phone coach thing once, in the beginning. Yes it can help you, it can help ground you. She will tell you what works and what doesn't. I would give it a try.It is not cheap.Have you thought about an individual counselor? I saw one for 4 months, it gives you someone who is not personally involved to be able to talk it out. It was a great way of venting without venting on our spouse.
Last edited by craig54; 02/10/0911:13 PM.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
I would back off the divorce, if your husband says to put the breaks on then I would do it. If you want your marriage saved , let the divorce go you can always pickit up later. What 180 were you talking about?
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
craig hope you are still here. The 180 is that I do not call him and when I do it is light and no R talk. Distance my self act unaffected. That is the 180 because of course i was doing all the wrong things. It is very hurtful that he seems to not notice. He doesn't have a clue about my life and seems to not give a D. He really didn't say put the breaks on the D but he said why move forward right now. What is my hurry?
h 43 me 42 kids 16&14 seperated dec 08 mlc behavior since nov 05
