If we weren't all crazy we would go insane.....

[ajf328]

Snodderly and all:

I have not posted in over a month. I have been spending time working on myself and enjoying my kids. I really and truly believe that everything that has and is happening is part of God’s plan and out of my control. I must not dwell on H and his actions; I just need to focus on my future and my kids. I think I finally get it.

When I last posted….it was Christmas. I don’t want to dwell on the past…let’s just say I survived and although it was not bad….next year I hope will be different.

The big issue for me right now is the house. H’s lawyer filed a court order for me to sell the house…and basically do all the work to get it ready. After back and forth among lawyer’s I have signed a stipulation stating I will clean up the inside (unless H wants to hire a cleaning service) and H will take care of the outside (which needs tons of work). The next few months on this should be interesting. The market is terrible and the house needs tons of work. H does not take into consideration that I work fulltime and am the only fulltime parent to 2 kids, he just wants me to do all of the work. Once again, I am just leaving it up to God as it is out of my control.

There has been very little contact with H and me. Since the kids are busy swimming on the weekend and he is working a lot (supposedly), I have not seen or talked to him in several weeks. I do wonder if he thinks of me or if he is content with his life as it is. Guess I will never know.

I do hear a lot about him all of a sudden from d13. I am not sure why (any thoughts Snodderly?) as I don’t ask. She had a fundraiser at school and H had OW make brownies for it. When d13 told me I had no reaction for her to report back to H on or to worry about. I didn’t want d13 to think I was upset. I truly wasn’t. Also, d13 told me the other day H couldn’t see her after school because he was fixing OW’s car. Once again….no reaction. I know that he has d13 speaking to OW via phone, and I am not sure why all of a sudden this is happening but it is out of my control. D13 knows who is there for her all of the time and knows that I consider her my top priority.

H has been telling d13 that I don’t want to see him or talk to him. I am not sure why as I have not said anything of the sort. I am letting him live his life without me. That is what he wanted when he filed (I assume). I am letting him have all the time with his OW. It is not that I don’t love my H, I do, and I just don’t see this situation ending the way I had hoped. I do think that all of the legal business of the house may have made him worry about actually having to face me. It is easier to blame than to take responsibility.

On a brighter note, my kids are doing great. They truly are a gift. I often wonder how H could not be present in their day to day life. He is missing out on so much. He has chosen OW and his new life over his children whether he wants to believe it or not.

S16 has been in contact with H’s brother (who does not speak to H) in California. I am hoping that BIL will be in this summer to see s16. They have been speaking weekly since Christmas and I am so grateful for the time that he gives to s16 just to check in with him.
He also has a great role model in his swim coach (and boss). H’s lawyer told mine that I poisoned s16 against H. He should only know that I didn’t. It was H’s actions that turned his son against them and s16 told me a while back that when H was with us he really wasn’t. He was always running out with friends, worried about going golfing on Wednesday instead of to his game or whatever, and S16 is sensitive to yelling…..because he felt H yelled at all of us a lot. So, there is lots of damage and I can’t fix it and I didn’t cause it.

So, this is where I am right now. Working on me and enjoying my kids.

Hope all is well with everyone in DB land. Thanks for being my rock Snodderly.

A

[job]

A,
I'm so very sorry to see you are walking down the same path many of us have.

I would document every little thing I did on the inside of that house. Take photos of the outside, you know the before and after (when he does his part). I wouldn't let this man off too lightly, as he wants his half of the place.

Now, I have some thoughts on this ow situation. I think he's using your d to relay to you what he's doing or supposedly doing. You'd think he would be over there lickety split to clean up the yard versus working on ow's car.

I would move forward and remove him from my health insurance as soon as you can. You owe this man nothing. He's certainly not done much in the way of assisting you or your children the last few months. A, you are going to be okay. Start planning ahead and remember...it's the three of you now.

Next year will be different for all of you. You will then have the full ability to step up and not allow him in your home unless you want him there. No more of this walking in whenever he pleases and one more thing....don't answer the phone every time he calls. Play time in the sand box is over. Pick up your bucket and shovel and head home. Leave him in there to play by himself.