Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I don't feel as if I am starting over from the very beginning, just starting over with dealing with things. I am starting over with a clear mind. No meds to fog it up. I am thinking clearly and want to do this the right way.
After talking with some very close friends the last week or so I have realized I am not ready to give up on my marriage even though the divorce will be final. I think I filed because it was something my stbx wanted and being me, I did it to please him.
Now I want to learn to please me. I want to learn to live my life for me and no one else. I just need help with learning how to do it. Maybe some books people have read to help them may help me.
I can't move forward with my life until I learn to deal with the past. Dealing with the past means letting go of the pain. Trusting again.
Learn how to do that? It can be as simple as learning how to say "No," to people.
Self help books, help the self help authors live in Hawaii : ).
Learn to say no. Don't say yes to anything that feels like a comittment. Learn to be selfish, after all you are worth it. Don't become so selfish no one likes you, but don't be so selfless that your a doormat.
Trust... Failure to trust others is because we don't trust ourself. Not trusting one person is fine, they usually earn that. Not trust everyone because of that one person is sad, and a reflection that you no longer trust your own judgement.
Stop beating yourself up for trusting your husband. We all have blind sides. Your's got hit and hit hard. Get over it, not every guy is untrustworthy, not everyone you trust is going to betray you, your judgement is still sound...look at your friends, you still trust them, you made good decisions about them.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
In other words you are saying it is time for me, me, me as long as I don't go overboard with it? No more doormat here.
Trust is a hard thing. I guess I have more trust than what I thought though. I trusted 3 strangers enough that I got in a vehicle with them. Either that or I was just plain stupid.
It would be so much easier to go back in time and just be 2 again when nothing seems to matter.
Well, if I could break the current laws of physics...which is not easier than living your current life...and travel back in time. I'd be a very well informed man. Library of Alexandria, Continental Congress, Einstein...hell so many things to witness see and explore. Not to mention invest in.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
