I've never tried to do a link before so I'm not sure if it'll work.
For those of you who don't have the time or patience to read through the thread, the short story is:
W walked away January 5th and is moving in to her new house soon. I'm doing what I can on the DB front and am having my ups and downs in that respect. I'll come back with more detail when I have it. For the latest detail, go to the last couple of pages on my previous thread.
CIW
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
I'm quite nervous about tonight. My W is going out to visit a friend of hers for a few drinks. Obviously since whe's a WAW I'm not being provided with any details. The problem is that the friend she's going out to visit is the fiance of the guy my W cheated on me with's brother. I know that I'm jumping to conclusions but the doubts are still there in my mind. Maybe it's something I'm just going to have to accept and get over. Time will help with that I suppose. Realistically speaking, if my W is starting to socialise again, the chances are that she's going to end up being with other guys. I'm just not sure how I'm going to react to it when she does. She's a really popular girl and could have pretty much any guy that she wants. It's just going to have to be another unfortunate step I'm going to have to deal with on this huge rollercoaster of emotional pain.
I got to the gym last night so that picked me up a lot but I'm not going to get back there again until monday since I have the Wee Man. He'll keep my spirits up I suppose. He's good at that. I only wish he could be with me all the time though. What could possibly be going through my W's head that she wants him to grow up with his parents separated? I don't think I'll ever understand. Such is life though.
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
It doesnt't seem as though this board gets as much traffic as Newcomers. I'm starting to feel a bit alone.
I'm not alone though. My Wee Man is asleep in his nursery and it feels good to have him here. I still wish his mother was here too though. I think I'm going to wish for that forever more.
I was playing with him tonight and I started thinking about all the great plans I had for my family life. A W and kids is all I've really wanted and my W always told me from the start that's all she wanted too. We were supposed to be going on our first family trip to Disney World at the end of this year. It's not so much what I had that I'm missing. It's all the plans that we had as a family that are so hard to let go of. I don't know why I'm feeling so low at the moment since my beautiful S is here but I suppose it's just bringing everything back in to my mind about how much I've lost. I need some hope but right now I'm not seeing anything in my W which is giving me that hope. She just seems so keen to be moving on with her life that every day seems like a step further away. I really feel like I'm doing a good job of DBing with my W even though I'm not seeing results but I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to be. I'm struggling to get to a comfortable place in my mind though. Maybe that's why I'm not seeing results? I feel defeated already even though the battle is a long way from over. It's the old problem of my lack of patience getting in the way again I suppose.
The last line of my signature was something I wrote with my W in mind. I thought maybe she had to get lost before she could find her way back to me. I can't help but think she's not getting lost though and I'm beginning to believe that it's me who has to get lost and find myself. It's so hard for me to disconnect though when the Wee Man is involved. He's only 17 months old. This whole situation can't be good for him. Is my W being completely selfish or does she really need to be away from me to find her happiness? I always thought I was a great H. We had a really comfortable life, a beautiful child, used to have an incredibly loving M, and wonderful plans for the future. Nothing she's doing makes any sense to me.
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
Hi CIW, yes you are right Newcomers has much more traffic. I am sorry you are down tonight. I think you are expecting far too much too soon though. It really is very early days for you on this journey. Also for your wife. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. Keep your expectations at zero but keep your optimism high if that is not a contradiction. As long as your son has routine and is loved by you both and he has his fav blanket, toy whatever around him he will be fine. He will be oblivious at this stage. Please be kind to yourself. Do not look for answers,they may never be found. Your wife is very young and probably doesn't know why this has happened. Try to be patient and concentrate on you and your son. I hope you have a good week end.
Yes, Newcomers had the most traffic so you may want to make a move back there eventually. But for now, you are doing great with the WeeMan.
Regarding your vacation with Weeman. If I were you, I would still go with him. Remember, he still needs your love and attention, why would you deny him of the trip just because his Mom is not sure what she wants anymore? That's not WeeMan's fault so he should not be punished. As a matter of fact, I just did the same thing. Took the kids on vacation and I can tell you that the kids and I had a blast! It's about us now. Not about H anymore and that feels really good. Just consider my advice and you may even see some side effects. I think your W may wonder why you would go on vacation without her and think, wow, they are having fun without me! It will bring some more reality into her world. In the meantime, enjoy your time with Weeman, he is your biggest blessing.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Saffie thank you from the bottom of my heart. That thread really was inspirational. I can't believe I've never come across it before or that it's not better publicised. I think I'm going to start a similar thread for the next generation of DBers that seem to have arrived on the site. The time frames for some of those sitches was huge though. It makes my 4 months seem insignificant in retrospect.
Also, thank you Naej for your words. It always helps the soul to have someone looking out for you. I know I'm just in the early stages but I've always admitted here that I'm quite an impatient person. Saffie's link has made me see though that things can and will take time.
PM, as always, I thank you for just being there for me throughout my sitch. You have been my rock over the last few weeks. I wish I could help you as much as you have been helping me. As for the Disney trip, to be honest, I always thought Wee Man was still too young for it. He's only going to be 2 at the end of September. I think I will take him away though. Probably a week with my sister and brother. They both have young children and the trip would benefit him more because of that I think. Disney World will still happen but I'd rather arrange it for when he stands a chance of remembering it. The trip was going to be for her parent's silver anniversary. I knew he'd enjoy cerain aspects of it but knew we'd have to take him back when older so he could remember. It won't be happening now though. If my M never works out, I can't wait until the time that my S is able to remember vacations/holidays (delete as necessary for your country's language). I see camping trips, safaris, even a lifelong dream of taking my son to Machu Picchu in Peru. The list is endless. The future excites me incredibly. Unfortunately, the present depresses me to the same extent. This my friends is what they call limbo.
I apologise if my spelling has been a bit off the mark tonight. I'm about to open another can of beer. It's only just past 10 pm and Wee Man won't be up till 7 am so I don't feel too guilty. After today though, I swear I'm the father of the energizer bunny!!! Do you folks have that in the States? Saffie will know what I mean at least. Think I might fill him up with sugar before he goes back to my W tomorrow. Lol, only kidding. I'm not that cruel.
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
I think you are right about your son being too young for Disney. When we first went my youngest was 15 months and it was rather lost on her. All my others though - aged 9 to 5 at the time loved it and then we went again when they were all old enough to go on the bigger rides too and it was a fantastic holiday. We intend to go again sometime in the next couple of years, as what will probably be our last family holiday together with just us....after that I expect there will be BF's and GF's tagging along if not H's and W's with children. WE just want one last holiday together with just us!!!
I think evryone takes something different away from the experience depending on their age. For me, it's all about the childrens' enjoyment. If they are happy then I am happy.
With your son being the age he is, going away with his cousins sounds ideal.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Hi CIW. well glad you are sounding more cheerful today. I guess you didn't have time to "dwell" with your bundle of energy to occupy today. Enjoy these days however exhausting they will not come again. I do agree on the Disney trip-far to young. It's important fo your first trip away with him you have some back up, your sister sounds ideal and son will love having the other children around.
