Divorce looming #4

[smartcookie]

Kevin, at least you've got your sense of humor still....... about the motel room.

Hang in there. Thanks for stopping by my sitch.

[K4D]

This morning I drove W to work again after taking the kids. Car is still in the shop.

Then later I called her just to see how her day was going. It was a short phone call. I think she was surprised. Although she may think I was just doing it because a few nights ago one thing she said was that I never called her just to see how her day was going. So I did today. She seemed pleasant.

However, she keeps bringing up how long it looks like before I will either be heading to Florida or when I will hear on this job. So I know she doesn't want me to forget about that.

I still haven't signed the waiver of service even though she has already filed. She hasn't had me served yet either. But I figure its just a matter of time unless God intervenes. I'm keeping my faith in God.

I did go get my haircut today. I was going to get a massage after, but the lady that does them was already doing one. So I figured some other time.

W wanted me to fold and put away clothes today while at home. So I have done some, but got to finish before tonite. In a bit I am going to go pick up my car, take W her car to her at work, then go get my kids from school and take them to church quior and their church program thing they do after. W is volunteering there which she does every other week. So I won't probably see her again til about 8:30 or 9 tonite.

I'm trying to be cheerful around her. I did a little practice of flirting techniques at the haircut place since its all women there. Its Knockout Haircuts.

Kevin

[K4D]

I'm having kind of a hard day today thinking about stuff. I got my hair cut. When I dropped off W's car to her, she didn't comment. Not that I should have cared. But I guess it hurt some.

She just said thanks for the car and went about her way. Her mom followed me so I could have a ride back to the house. She talked to her mom for a minute but pretty much ignored me.

Kevin

[MrBond]

Kevin,

Alot of your posts show your W telling you what to do. Has there been anything that you told her to do something?

It really sounds like she just runs all over you and gets what she wants.

Quid pro quo.

[K4D]

Well Stuck,

I have been trying to keep the peace and taking on responsibility myself. Plus, right now I am out of a job. I'm hoping this one I talked to the agency comes through for me.

I have my second coaching session set up for noon tomorrow. Maybe she will further help me along.

All I know is my W has told me she is done repeatedly and has filed. She has the custody agreement drawn up and the waiver of service ready for me to sign. Just hasn't happened yet. She knows I am not going anywhere without the custody agreement and she has the waiver for me to sign to get the custody agreement.

She has me by the cahones right now. There isn't alot I can do about it given my situation. She basically calls the shots right now. If I get this job, I can move out and still try and work on things with her.

But I really just want things fixed between us. I'm not sure how to stand up for myself without angering her. I think that is a problem since she holds all the cards right now.

Kevin

[K4D]

W got back tonite with the kids. I had just gotten a phone call from my BIL. So I went off an talked to him a bit. When I got done, I walked out to the kitchen and W was laughing about something she was IMing with someone about. Then she looked up at me and frowned and looked away.

I asked if something was wrong. She said she had to do the kids homework with them while I was off talking. I said I had just gotten a call right before they walked in. In my mind I'm thinking, get used to it. This is what you want. Every other week.

I did some more laundry and got the kids in bed.

Kevin

[MrBond]

Stop worrying about angering her, she's already mad and you can't control how she feels.

She's acting like a total B and you're bending over and taking it. Control you and not her.

Sorry for the 2x4 but I think you need it.

[Twice-2-Her]

She only has power if you give it to her.

You need to be the one she comes to find out what your are doing in your GAL.

I agree, stand up for your wants and I know that is hard because number 1 on your list is you want her!! Stop going down the tunnel that leads to her. There is a clear door that is locked between you and her.

it seems like you can reach her but you can't. Like me I feel you have to find a new way to reach her. Be different in her eyes. We can't work our way back in. We can't buy our way back in. We can only become happy people that our W would want to be around.

We have the advantage, we did it once and we have kids to look after together.

Take back your power. Do not give into her moods.

Twice

[K4D]

I talked to my coach today. She said to make dinners every night, be totally involved with the kids. If W gripes about my dinners, just say you are welcomed.

She said go dark at home. Be friendly, but don't start conversations. Give as little info as necessary about stuff.

She said to go through legal aid and get palomony and child support. Basically make it as uncomfortable as possible for W to want to go through with it.

She basically said treat W like a house guest. If me and the kids are going to do something, ask her if she would like to also, if she doesn't want to, then fine.

I am going to get my girls stuff for Valentines day but my W nothing.

I hope I get this job so I can stay. But she did recommend if I go to Florida to go dark for 30 days and just talk with the girls. If I stay, go dark also.

Kevin

[MrBond]

In terms of what your C said...

"That's gold Jerry!"

That's exactly what you need to do. Acknowledge, be polite and not fall into her traps. Don't let her bait you into anything.