Bridget, Thanks for the list of "don'ts". It is so hard not to blow up at these times, but I have found out that I have been wrong in my suspicians, so I am grateful that I did not. I don't know how much to say, while I have never proven and h has not confessed an a, there is a very close connection with his friend. I have gone with him to her house, we have socialized together, I have never seen her goo goo eyes with him,she is kind to me, and I try in return.So my sitch is kinda weird, I have read so many posts that tell of the healing and piecing, but there are usually affairs involved, at this point I can't relate to this, and I am not trying to block it. I have snooped, asked him if he is interested in her, talked about it in c, given him every oppurtunity to confess, and nothing. So why do I think there has been something??? I am working on that through dr, and this board.
You feel like that because he has detached from you...and if he is no longer showing you the love and tenderness he once did...then it MUST be an affair! Wrong...my wife has never had an affair but I sensed exactly what you do!
You must trust him...this is very important...if trust has been lost...you must find a way to find it again!
Hoping, My H has never had an affair either. But he left, so right there the mistrust sets in. I am sure all you family and friends that mean well have said, "no one leaves something for nothing." NOT True!! I have a lot of mistrust in my H. He promised he would always love me, he promised we would always be together, he left our family...so of course I am thinking what else??? You msut be true to yourself and your H. When the mistrust starts to pop-up try and look at it rationally...I know easier said than done!~~Bonnie
Hi Sue, Have you been by Andy's threads. Your sitch seems similar where there is a close friend involved. I'm sure he would be able to give you some insights.
Went over to h co-workers house last night(not "hers"), but of course she was there. Found out co-workers w thinks the same thing about "her' that I do!! She has not latched onto to him as much as onto my h, but this wife is disgusted with her too, hum...maybe I am not so crazy after all. Of course "she" was dead drunk, and we were suppose to give her ride home, but she decided to spend night there. Wife was real thrilled about that. I think "she" kinda ticked off my h as she told them to leave the room, that she was talking to someone else! Being the "men" that they are, and to show how she controls them, they left the room and came back in where the wife and I were. Maybe they will see she is not so pretty all the time.
Steph,thanks for the response, I guess I really needed to hear from someone else that an a is not the only reason we are dbing. I really believe that my questioning him all the time about this is what got us to this point. While there are many strange things about this ow relationship, a part of me does not believe that he is in a pa,yet I don't trust her, she is weak, demanding, needy,getting d, and that might look good to a man questioning his m. I am trying real hard on the trust issue, I wish he would just say that there is nothing to worry about(like he did 2yrs ago when she started the latch on, and I kept pursueing and quetioning)I look back now and wish I would have found this board to deal with all of it before it got to this point.
Bonnie, my H never left, and no one knows about our problems, so I have not heard that, but within the last 3 yrs as all of this has been evolving,and I was at a weak spot, I asked him if he wanted to still grow old with me, and some day enjoy grandchildren together, he said yes, and I heard everyday the ily, and to have that change in the course of days does make you wonder. I do feel things are slowly changing, very slow though.
Just a check in..today is my birthday, and h did not give me a card. I really did not expect one, so the let down was not so bad, but I was a little sad. Our d called him and asked if he would go out to eat, and we did. It was nice.
Hope you had a good one, even though your husband forgot to give you a card . Be patient, the time will come when he'll make up for all his shortcomings.
As far as you not trusting this woman...you dont have to trust her...but you must trust your husband! And I'm glad to see that your instincts were right on about this, this, this floosy!
Quote: ...I think "she" kinda ticked off my h ... Maybe they will see she is not so pretty all the time.
It appears that more exposure to her in such social gatherings may be a blessing in diguise. He will see more and more of her negative side as she lets her guard down, you will be there to "outshine" her every time. A few more get togethers like that and it shouldn't be too hard for him to figure out who he really would wants to spend his time with... Shine on ...
Kaw, maybe you are right, except I am kinda the quiet type, she's the clingy, sexy, slutty type, and maybe my h likes that right now. I can change alot of things about myself for the better, but I can't change my personality and become some hot babe that a middle aged man is looking for. I also don't think h really wants that, but as long as she is available....Oh well, there is a reason why she is going through d #2 and I still have #1! I'll bet the "others" in these sitchs really never find the true meaning of love, commitment, respect. See ya Sue
I know, I should not let my mind take over my feelings, but h called me at work late this afternoon to say that some of the co-workers were going out after work, and it is 4 hours later and he is not home. I know "she" is one of them,possibly the only one... At least he called me, as once before he stopped after work for a beer with her, and did not tell me until I asked. That was only for an hour.I guess I go back to my old ways of thinking, that he should only want to spend time with me, especially on a Friday night.I will take a deep breath now and go read. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Kinda windy here tonight. Sue
. Be patient, the time will come when he'll make up for all his shortcomings.
A few more get togethers like that and it shouldn't be too hard for him to figure out who he really would wants to spend his time with... Shine on ... 