Hi V and Carlos Thanks for your supports. They were much needed.
Time to start a new thread.... It is time for me to move on, not just moving forward. I really need to move on for good to save myself.
Minor recap: W is still living in AL and she is still in love with the OM. He is her soulmate but he is in CA with 2 kids. I am not sure how that's will work out, but it is not my business. My S is staying with me now. I am so happy about it. I strongly believe I can provide him a more stable environment to grow up. W actually agrees with me. W and I are friendly to each other and there are no ill feelings.
She actually called me today and wanted to talk. We had a really good talk, a much needed closure talk. We both needed. I told her I forgave her long time ago. I told her the A was the byproduct of our failed M which we both had our faults in. I told her we are responsible for our own happiness. I am working toward that and I wish her can do the same. I even told her that I will be the sideline cheerleader for her. If she ever needs my help, I will do my best to assist.
So now what....?? We agree we should get the big D. I guess I am now a WAS. There is no other person in my case. Honestly I am not ready for it yet. I will just take things slow and see where fate takes me. After today talk, I felt like I am finally unstuck, truly let her go. And I can finally start living my life again. I have lost the urge to spend any more energy on her. I felt really peaceful and calm now.
What will happen next? I have no clue but I know for sure I will live my life to the fullest and be the best father for my S. That's something I am looking forward to.
I was hoping this chapter could end with happier ending, but I can't complain. All the memories that we had together will be always with me. They are my souvenir that I would cherish. I can say I did the best of my ability and have no regrets. I have learned and grown a lot through this. Don't get me wrong, I am still learning daily but I know now I am a better person for whoever next will be.
No time to waste, got to stay busy....!!!
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
It sounds like you have had a very honest conversation with your W and have reached some decisions for yourself and for your child. You sound strong and peaceful about the decision. It is good that you talk about keeping busy and moving forward and you should do those things. Just make sure you leave yourself the time you need to feel your feelings and process them. As you know, there is no going around them, only going through them.
I am thrilled for you that you have your son and so glad you can spens all of this time together. It will be wonderful for you both.
NW, I second everything that V just said. We've all been there for one another through a lot of this and have gotten to know one another's strengths and moments of sadness...and I can safely say that I hear a lot of strength and calm in your voice. It's sad, this journey of learning that we go on - but for some reason each of us chose a partner that not only needed something from us for their journey - but that also provided something for us - something that helped us develop the tools to figure out where we are now.
Like you, I am heading toward divorce - though, unlike you and V, B doesn't use the word - rather she seems to live in a sort of self-imposed limbo that I think she wants me to maintain...and I just cannot do that for her any longer.
You are right to focus on yourself and your son - and I'm glad that she realizes that your son is better off with you. I have no doubt about that. And, yes, you will always have those memories you shared...and now you are preparing for new memories...since life never stops, it never stops, and that's why we should never stop learning and paying attention to the lessons it has to offer.
You may feel some moments of profound sorrow in the days ahead - you may not - but if you do, just allow yourself to feel what you have to feel..no matter how much it hurts, it will never be more than you can handle...I know that without a doubt.
While I love to hear your positive energy and your strength...please don't ever hold back on sharing with us when you are feeling different emotions as well...as much as a we embrace your incredible strength, we are also there for you when you need us, my friend. And you have a lot of friends here in this DB world and outside of it.
You're a blessed man, NW. So too is your son to have you as his father.
You have been incredibly strong in this journey. I'm so sorry that it's headed the way it is.
Best wishes for you and please do keep us posted.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Don't call yourself the WAS though. She's the one who did it and you're the one who's kept the home fires burning.
You let her initiate the paperwork and filing. Have her do the work since she wanted it. If you end up doing it, it'll seem as if you're condoning it and that's a bad precedent for your son to see.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Hi all Thanks for all the supports. It means so so much...
Quote:
Just make sure you leave yourself the time you need to feel your feelings and process them. As you know, there is no going around them, only going through them.
You are so so right. In the past months, I try to suppress them in any possible way. I was still in denial. With my S here, I just couldn't hold those feelings back anymore. It was a good thing and a necessarily step.
Quote:
You may feel some moments of profound sorrow in the days ahead - you may not - but if you do, just allow yourself to feel what you have to feel..no matter how much it hurts, it will never be more than you can handle...I know that without a doubt
Thanks for believing in me...sometimes I just a need a little reminder.
As far as getting the D going, I may need to start that because it will put me in a better position for S and myself since W is out of the state and she is still trying to establish her residency.
Journal... I feel good today. I have better sense of direction now. It is just a refreshing feeling. I know I will have those down days like I had in the past week. I think I am better equipped now to go through them. I am getting out of my cave now....no more pity party...LOL
You know what they say.... Grab life by the horns and enjoy the ride baby..!!
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
Yes, we are having lots of fun here. Time just flies by when he is here. Now I am trying to establish a set routine for him and myself. He's only been back for 2 weeks, so I know it will take a little time. We are getting there for sure. Now he is so attached to me. I am afraid I am turning him to be a daddy boy...!! I have to admit that I kind of spoil him since his return. Now it is just not enough hours in a day for me. I am not able to do some of the GAL activities. I just need to find the right balance.
On the W side, she supposes to come up this week to see S. I know she misses him terribly, but who knows when she will show up. I hope she will come even it will be stressful for her staying in here. S and W need to spend time together.
Keep on going...!!
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
