New group here so I will give some background . My sich is in infidelity if your curious. Last year has been hell for both of us. I initially had an EA about7 months ago. It devastated her. She decided to try and she did work hard at it. I was angry still (a problem I have had) she finally wore down and said she was done. I convinced her to stay and did everything wrong, talking the R to death, pleading, ect. She went on to have an EA herself. I exposed it and the OM said he couldn't continue. She sent a goodbye email on Friday and removed him from her Myspace account.
Okay..she now wants to separate to see if she can regain feelings for me. She says its impossible with all of the pressure of us living together. I have agreed to go down this road as she says she will file for divorce if I am unwilling to separate.
Here are the facts as I know them (random but true):
1. We are getting rid of our family home-financial devastation due to the mortgage industry. So staying in our current home not an option. 2. She is very focused on only 6 month leases. A good sign? 3. She is spending weekends at a girlfriends home. I have the kids all weekend. During the week I work and she is with them. 4. We are starting to have better convos. Nothing earth shaking but talking like we used to. 5. We are both in IC with the same Christian Psychologist. No MC at this time. 6. She feels totally controlled (never before her EA) and tracked. I did what i had to do to confirm her EA. Now I want to step away but want to know the EA is truly done.
I am in uncharted territory here and am looking for what worked and areas to stay away from. I know there isn't a ton of detail but I will answer any questions posed.
We have 4 children and will have some contact as this progresses.
Thoughts?
Jeff
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
Jeff, I don't know how much advice I will have for you since my H and I are very recently separated (only day 3). It is different for everyone, but in my case I believe a separation is what we needed. For me, I am practicing the LRT, which involves lots of NC..because H had already filed for D.
All I know is that my H always told me he wanted space, he needed time to sort out his feelings and that being around me everyday made it difficult (like your W said to you)
It was very hard but I got up the nerve to ask him to leave. Very scary, but I felt like I was not listening to his needs by trying to get him to stay in the house, so I just let him go. I can share with you what other have told me and that is:
When the separation happens, its very important to not pursue even more then ever. Keep conversations light when you do talk and always try to be the first one to end the convo. Don't accept every invitation, and don't answer every single time she calls ( I need to work on this one in particular) Separation will be a good time for you to continue with your GAL. Make sure to be busy and have plans ahead of time. I suppose it ties along with the same advice as other DBing techniques...but I hope that helps you some
Itll be easier to give you advice as you go along and find yourself in certain situations. I post everytime I have a question and am not sure what to do...but as with everything else its all about finding what works best for you and W
