Do I hug or not

[hopefulinEG]

Sometimes she will offer me a hug when she thinks I have had a hard day or something and sometimes I have asked for a hug and she always gives one, sometimes tighter than others.

Should I be asking for hugs or stop that? I really like the physical touch and sometimes I think it might help build good will between us which is sorely lacking.

What if she offers a hug? Should I say I don't want one?

~Catherine

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It depends on your situation. What IS your situation???

Puppy

[Tia]

Welcome to DB!

If hugging works, do not fix it. It's a form of physical contact, and may be used as foreplay!

/Tia

[Lostforwords]

HG,
You are all over the board. I would strongly suggest finding one place to post so that is it easier for everyone to follow you. As far as the hugs go......go with what works, but don't over pursue. I have read your other posts and a lot of things you noted sound so familiar. We are just friends and so on. If your gut says there is something going on beyond friendship....I would say you are 99% correct. Friends hang out, but till 4 in the morning is excessive. The statement that a friend is always there with them sounds like misleading speak to me also. More like a cover up.

What does your gut tell you is going on?

I would highly suggest stopping the snooping on her emails. I know you want to know, but she can see that in so many negative ways. Even if there is nothing going on, she will see it as controlling behavior which isn't good for any relationship.

[hopefulinEG]

Lostforwords

I am just getting the hang of how this board works. I didn't realize I should keep it all in one place. should I repost that post to this board? or link?

I have stopped reading her e-mails. I stopped as soon as I confronted her about it. I knew it was just driving me crazy anyway.

[hopefulinEG]

I have read about doing a 180 and I am not sure what to do. It sounds like it is to back off totally so maybe they will miss you and realize their mistake. I guess there is no right or wrong but I have been wrong so much I don't feel like I can trust my instincts anymore.

I don't know how far to go with the become friends thing. Do I seem mildly interested but not overly so. One of her issues was that I didn't listen to her so does a 180 mean I need to start listening to everything she says no matter or to stay back so I don't act like I'm trying to hard?

~Catherine

[spellfire]

I would take it all into your original thread and let this one go.

Yes, do back off and don't push things right now.

Listening is a skill you definitely need to develop. Think of her as a huge valve with loads of pressure built up, and every time you speak, you shut that valve and allow more pressure to build. Listening without interrupting and validating what she is saying is allowing some of that pressure to release. Don't initiate the conversation, give her space and let her come to you when she's ready.

[dbmod]

^