I am just waiting for the judge to sign the papers. I have been waiting patiently for 2 weeks since they were sent to him. I don't know how much more waiting I can take.
I am feeling very anxious, nervous and sad all rolled into one. I thought when all of this was said and done I would feel a big relief lifted from my shoulders. Not so, the waiting is making it worse.
I know this is the path I had to take to get my life back on track because I couldn't hang out in limbo any longer (4 years is long enough). I just feel like such a failure right now.
I want to have fun but then I feel guilty for having fun. I find myself feeling down every day when I get home. I banter back and forth with quite a few people on here, through emails and other sites but then when I get home I ask myself if I went too far and what people must think of me. Ugh!!! I hate this.
I need a vacation. If I had somewhere to go, I would be out the door in a heartbeat.
Any suggestions on how to get through this without going back 2 steps? I have come too far to fall down again. That curb looks so comfortable but I don't want to waste my time sitting there anymore.
With not quite 2 weeks of being divorced under my belt, I can share what I know.
When it was final, I felt a sense of quiet relief, a gentle pressure slowly lifting. It was like when you wake up gradually from a deep sleep. It was soothing.
A few days later, I felt a tremendous loss of something I couldn't put my finger on, a deep void that came from looking for something and realizing it had not been there for a very very very long time. An intense sense of loneliness set in. I was weepy, crying and more sensitive than when the bomb hit.
I see it as having been pregnant. The divorce process takes on a life of its own. When it was over it felt like the aftermath of labor. Then I woke up to the fact that it doesn't go away. It's just a different relationship with someone who had once been intimate and an emotional support to that of a person you're bound to by children but no longer really know.
Chances are the papers have been signed. In Connecticut there's a site you can go to and see what's going on in your case, anybody's case for that matter.
Don't worry about having fun. Fun will find you. Feeling down is normal. Feeling great will follow. Make your own vacation. Give yourself a gift. Goodness knows that money went easily to the lawyers, why not some for you?
I like the way you phrased everything. I guess it is just playing the waiting game that is getting to me.
We can look it up on the computer here also. It still says active. I called the courts last week and the paperwork was still with the judge.
My stbx thinks we can remain "best of friends" after all is said and done. I don't think I can do this. I want to stay civil with each other for the kids but right now everything is too raw. I sometimes wish he wouldn't speak to me at all.
When I filed for divorce he said it was something he needed. A kind of security blanket. He told me you never know what the future holds, maybe one day we could find our way back together. I do know I don't want that. I don't think I could ever trust him again. I don't know if I can ever trust anyone again.
Thanks for your post. I really appreciate it. I guess I need to try to live up to may name again (being positive). I just have the negativities hanging on at the moment.
This may be your divorce, but it's a set of papers among a huge stack of papers for the judge. It's work.
You are responsible for your own happiness and sorrow. It's a choice. When I decide I'm going to be in a great mood even if I'm feeling crappy.. guess what, I'm in a great mood.
I was all upset about the settlement, fearful and terrified. I kept thinking of everything I did wrong. Guess what? It didn't matter what I thought I should have done. The divorce was final, nothing could be changed. It was over. It was my choice to think it was crappy or to tell myself I did a great job.
Guess what? Saying it was great made me feel great. After all, I can't do anything about it!
And.. you can do whatever you want, feel however you desire. The emotions come.. that's a good thing. Accepting them, feeling them and then dealing with it are all good. The way I look at it is that orgasms are wonderful.. but would I want one to last for hours without respite? And why would I do that with something that isn't even pleasurable (being bummed)!
Take the time to heal. Ask yourself what is in the best interest of the children. Make it work for you. Right now I'm learning to deal with my ex spouse on a purely practical business level. I still have a huge emotional surge when a new process starts. I turn to friends and family for support, get grounded and am able to move forward in a detached manner.
wow, 4 years, it's a while (my journey is also that long) I guess after all that time the day is finally here and naturally you have the jitters, hopefully the whole thing will be over soon hon and the wait will be over.
As far as him saying all is dandy and you two can be friends, well, he needs to know that at least for time being you need your distance from him and would prefer to keep communication only about kids. The knuckle head is far ahead emotionally as far as moving on so he thinks you are there too. I know that for now I feel much better when I dont' hear from him, long ago I wanted to talk to him, have convos even if it was just about kids. Now I rather not talk to him and when the rare call comes through I wonder what he wants.
You'll be alright hon, no need to feel guilty by GAL, I highly recommend joining a meetupdotcom group, they have single parents/divorce groups, all sorts, I'm part of two and meeting new opeople and doing new things helps me move on and re establish a new life
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
It takes a while to get past all those feelings....but then one day you come out of it and for the most part you're ok. I still have bouts of anger (mostly directed at his parenting style or rumors he still spreads) but overall there's really a void. I don't hate him. I don't have any feelings for him right now. He is a person I share my daughter with. I just don't share well.
Chin up!
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
