Wayward Wife/MLC or Just Bad Behavior

[fitzge]

[quote=sandi2] I wonder if it is kind of like an abused W who stays with her H? Is it b/c you do not feel that you deserve better or that is it b/c you got used to being treated like that?

It is exactly like that except for the gender role reversal. Everyone hears stories about the gal kicked down the stairs who won't press charges. I never had the physical problem, but the verbal, emotional, mental abuse is very very bad too.

And, yes, I think it got used to being treated like that. Sad

Taking my daughter for the abortion would have been an immediate deal buster for most couples. I never stood up and dealt with that -- too involved with the impact on my daughter. Should have ended the marriage 10 years ago. Live and learn.

[EnergyAZ]

I would reccomend you find yourself a counselor or a spiritual advisor. While this board may be very helpful, I think you need someone you can really talk to.

I would try not to worry about your wife or relationship issues so much as the relationship you have with yourself.


1st things 1st - you have been on a LONG tough ride and need to heal your own wounds before you will have any true clairity on what you want out of life...let alone how to get it.

[fitzge]

EnergyAZ

Thank you for the kind words. I find myself, depending on my mood spending why too much time on the situation. I wish I could shake it. I am not a deeply religious person, as a result, believe in GOD helps to a point. I truly wish someone out there would reach through the screen, grab me by the throat, and shake the crap out of me.

Long journey -- you bet.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I truly wish someone out there would reach through the screen, grab me by the throat, and shake the crap out of me.

Fitz, I'm pretty sure we all just did. The next steps are up to you.

Puppy

[fitzge]

[quote=Puppy Dog Tails
Fitz, I'm pretty sure we all just did. The next steps are up to you.[/quote]

Folks --

Keep coming at me -- you are dealing with a slow boat.
I definitely need the analysis and support I am getting here and will continue to post.

I feel like I am dealing with a NUT who went over the side. SHE cut ties with her children (3 of them), her family of original, and the few friends she had. HER new friends are bar flies and drug addicts. I know I am trying to apply logic to a situation that is not logical.

Thanks for the words -- and keep telling me to grow up. If I hear it enough, it will sink in.

[kat727]

My experience has been that until you are ready to accept something, you won't. You may know it in your head, you may hear everyone telling you the same thing, but that doesn't mean that you are ready to wrap your head around it.

Everyone told me to get over then H,I wasn't ready. I wanted to know that I had tried everything. I didn't fight H on the divorce but I wasn't going to be the one doing all the work to make it happen, since I didn't want it. It took 8 months.

So yes, you will have to accept each bit as you are ready. No one ever said claiming your life back for yourself was easy but we are all able to help.

kat

[fitzge]

kat727

My experience has been that until you are ready to accept something, you won't. You may know it in your head, you may hear everyone telling you the same thing, but that doesn't mean that you are ready to wrap your head around it.kat

I spent the first 6 weeks in TOTAL denial -- just could not believe it. Happily, I am out of that mode (not completely, occasionally I revisit -- but have stopped the "what if'ing")

Got to do some mourning along the way -- that is where I currently think I am. Once or twice during the past two weeks, I've experienced anger. Can't print what I thought and said, but I'll guess everyone here has thought and said the same thing.
Acceptance is slowly but surely coming -- if I was there, I would not be here.

I went "dark" on HER -- no contact, and I stopped sitting on the couch waiting for the call that will never come in to come in. My life is one-deminsional right now, but that's fine. I know this phase will not last forever.

Still hacks me off at how SHE could jettison a M like it was garbage. But that's for me to deal with.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Fitz,

When you get to "disgust," let us know.

Puppy

[fitzge]

Fitz,

When you get to "disgust," let us know.

Puppy

I shall. HER behavior is repugnant and beyond. And, I am here to tell you, I've left some stuff out.

[kat727]

Just so you know, sadly the issues don't go away because of a divorce, sometimes there are new ones! Of course my kids are still young. I kind of thought now I got through this part, I won't have much to say here but let me tell you there are still phases that ex is dragging me through. Bankruptcy is the next one.

Don't feel bad for being here. Even when nothing "exciting" is going on with you, there are plenty of people still needing a shoulder to cry on or a friendly "face" to talk to.

kat