Wow. This is why I started my own story. Because that's the feedback I wanted. People who have no emotional ties to this whole thing telling me what I can't think for myself due to having been hurt. When I'm confused I come here to get some help. And tonight I've gotten some good help. Please believe when I say I'm trying to get past it all. I am. Reading everything was great. Yes, I obsess, yes at times I want my W to feel the pain she's caused me. Yes, I snoop because I don't trust. Yes,yes,yes.....That's why I'm here. To get help from others. Yes, I never worried about my W before all this. She went anywhere she wanted and did whatever she wanted. I never told her she couldn't. When I was younger I was jealous. Learned that didn't work. She isn't doing anything to hurt me. I'm just being an obsessive, jealous Husband. Sorry I've sort of lost my train of thought. Been bathing the kids and typing at the same time. I don't recommend it. So if I sound a little off thats why. I just want help for all this. I want to make my M the better than it was before. I never want this to happen again. One thing my W does say. She says at times she's glad this all happened. Because she got her Husband back. Yes, I wasn't always there for her. She wanted the man she married to be the same. And I lost sight of all that. Ok I blame myself at times. I'm hard on myself for being thick headed and never realized the pain I brought on to my wife for not being or taken more time out for her. Bottom line is I Love my W...........That's why I'm here. Having your input helps. I thank you all. It's nice to have you folks kick me in my ass and help keep my eyes open to what's important. By the way, when I tell my wife it hurts me, my coach said it may not work right away but give it time. Eventually when she sees everything working out in our M she'll not want to ruin that. Now I feel like I'm rambling.
Just been reading your thread and I have been in your wifes shoes. Out of respect for my h I distantanced myself as much as possible to OM W. H told me he wanted no contact unless through hm and I understood that.
OMW and my paths crossed at sport but I tried 100 % not to be in a position where we talked. Why can you not tell her that you dont wish her to contact at all. IMO it is not an unreasonable request. Dirty texting is stepping out of the boundry of the Marriage. i consider it an affair.
Are you ever going to be friends with these people again - I dont think so. stop any contact with the entire family.
One important thing. My divorcebusting coach was very upset at me for the name calling and gave me a stern lecture. Said everything was going good and I didn't use the tools to get through a tough stretch.
OMW and my paths crossed at sport but I tried 100 % not to be in a position where we talked. Why can you not tell her that you dont wish her to contact at all. IMO it is not an unreasonable request. Dirty texting is stepping out of the boundry of the Marriage. i consider it an affair.
Boy do I agree with this!
Also, does anyone else wonder what the OMW thinks about her H sending the dirty texts? The W's had a 16 yr friendship? Does she know what has been going on?
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Are you ever going to be friends with these people again - I dont think so. stop any contact with the entire family.
From someone who has been in this situation, I HAVE to agree. This is not healthy or moral marriage material. He sent her a picture of another mans d!ck for petes sake!
Unless she's a doctor, I don't think that's appropriate.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
I just want help for all this. I want to make my M the better than it was before. I never want this to happen again. One thing my W does say. She says at times she's glad this all happened. Because she got her Husband back. Yes, I wasn't always there for her. She wanted the man she married to be the same. And I lost sight of all that. Ok I blame myself at times. I'm hard on myself for being thick headed and never realized the pain I brought on to my wife for not being or taken more time out for her.
(1hope, everyone, including jon's W, have agreed it was inappropriate.)
Okay, jon, you want our input...you say you love your wife, and you want the M to work, so let's change the subject a little bit, and talk about you.
What is it your W feels like she lost? What do you mean about being "thick-headed." How can we help you be the man she wants to be married to?
Yes the OM W knows. She said it was just dirty talk and no big deal. She just doesn't know how dirty it got. Thick headed. That I didn't take time out for my wife and I to remain close and spend time together. I would work or not do activities and stuff like that. Work to a lot of my time. You know that old story I'm 39 and she's 36. Last night was a bit better. We talked about the remodeling and this and that. Small talk I guess. Also this morning we talked a some about the same stuff. What do you want to know about me? What I'm looking for is support to get me past all of this and feel good about my M. Reading your responses have been a lot of help. So for now I am giving my W time to heal from my name calling and hoping that with each passing day I can show her I'm moving on. Like I said before. Just trying to be COOL with everything. Just like the Fonz....It's not easy though. I've been real uptight and kinda walking on egg shells.
You know I obsess with every move my W makes. Wondering what it means. You bet I feel sorry for myself. I never want this feeling ever again. Just waiting for my W to talk about the name calling but I don't think she has cooled down. I'm hoping she hasn't given up on us. Sometimes it feels that way. Sorry I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself but this is my place to get support and try to understand W without getting angry about everything. Honestly without anyone knowing my W really can't tell me what she's thinking. Eventually time heals all wounds. And for me Only time will tell if you can stand to test the time.
It sounds to me like you are obsessed with yourself, not with her.
How she can make your feelings be whatever it is you want them to be. Your concern about the name-calling incident seems to be more about YOUR feelings now, than HERS. Like you just want her to make you feel better about what you did. So you don't have to feel this way anymore.
How much do you perceive her to be the source of your emotions?
As far as feeling sorry for yourself goes, that's about the most unattractive mindset you can be in, if you want your W back. As Dr Phil would say.."how's that workin for ya.?"
