Popping in on day 2 - has been good, zero contact, except had to talk to W twice over S6. One time she was super googly friendly, the next time pretty nasty.
Posted on my thread! We had a little "tiff".
This is where detaching is good! It helps soothe the emotions, clear up your head, and allow you to think quickly in avoiding little tiffs like this...
JDollie, My H is great at pushing my buttons. What I mean is that he talks things to death. He will not let anything go. He doesn't take no or not now for an answer. He will say anything or do anything to escalate and get my attention - things that are too hard to ignore. When I don't answer my phone - he will accuse me of shutting him out - he will cancel a date/ refuse to cooperate/ threaten to D me without finding out why I didn't answer the phone - like I am still asleep/ sick/ dealing with a plumbing problem. When he wants to talk it about something he is hard to redirect. When he wants to resolve something I am considered to be the one who is too busy -too tired- don't like talking on holidays/weekends/at work....i.e implying that I don't care. If he tells me it is ok not to want to do something and I don't - then he doesn't talk to me for a week and tells me that I'm not doing my job as his wife or that there is something wrong with me. Get the picture?
I am so lost when trying to understand how to do things here on the board. I don't know how to do things - how or what do you mean by posting to my ind. thread - do want to talk. I'm not sure how things get locked or what all the lingo is or the signs etc. I don't even know if I'm posting ok. Help.
I hear you buddy, I am in the same boat as you. I have been tipped out in the middle of the atlantic in bad weather (going through bankruptcy as well as W leaving)
I am doing what you do though, swimming for the shore but with an eye out for the rescue helicopter!
I keep thinking that I hear rotor blades (when W calls me), but then I realise that it's just the noise of the wind and waves.
I'll keep swimming though, my life is too valuable to give up and drown!.
You are doing just fine. Don't worry about posting in other places on the board, just let us know how you are doing in here if that makes you feel easier. The lingo, well again, if you don't understand something, just ask. It's bad enough going through a relationship breakdown without having to worry about messing up in here. None of us bite each other, we are all here to help.
With regards to your sitch. It sounds to me like your H is quite controlling and childish. If you don't do something he wants you to, he sulks (goes quiet) or argues with you to make you feel bad. That is NO way to carry on. What you need to do is to NOT let what he does affect you. Only worry about you at this moment in time. Get yourself mentally stronger and that way you will be better equipped to deal with things. It will also make him think if you don't repsond to his actions. He will hopefully get the idea that you are NOT going to be pushed around and that you are a strong person in ourself. That is ALWAYS attractive.
I feel lost today, I am missing contact with W very much. I have a gut feeling that she is feeling the same. We have always had a psychic bond. I remember once, after we had been together about 2 years, she was at work and I was at home feeling real poorly. I was asleep on the sofa and half woke up. She was standing there looking at me, she said "Oh good, you're ok". I went back to sleep. About 4 hours later she came home from work. She told me that she had been worried about me and when she was having a ciggie break, got quite upset and really wanted to know I was OK. That was at exactly the time when I saw her standing over me. She never was there though really, not in body anyway.
Makes me wonder how something like that can just 'disappear'.
Well, that's me feeling sorry for myself. Now back to some work!
The bond you have with your w is real and it's inevitable that you will miss the expression of it. She may too but it will likely be some time before you know that.
Kassie, you post what issues or problems you are having, thats all. We will help you the best we kknow how. I have been given excellent advice, have read too manty books and have been going through it for 5 months. We all share a bond here and we will help you and guide you.
Silva, yeah I have the same connection with W, still feel it. My advice to you is this, swim, do not look over your shoulder for the helicopter right now. I have 31 years that apparently flew out the window so I know how you are feeling right now. But take the next couple of weeks and swim, slowly and steadily without listening for the helicopter. It is very hard. the best advice I was givine recently is you can not detach untilk you break the chain that is holding you. Wehn you feel this way or start to look back, tell your self "Stop it" out loud. It does work.
It is hard for all of us, I don't want my situation to go on for years i want it over now. But do not sit back and wait for it. I have just posted some good advice so I will throw this out to all of you/us:
"You are defined by your actions today. Who you are is defined by the adversity you face and how you choose to handle it. Good things take care of themselves. When the situation becomes seemingly impossible, you can turn and walk from it, and no one will think the less of you. But later in life, will you doubt that choice? Take every situation head on, do the impossible, because only you can tell if it is worth having or not. Define yourself today, not tomorrow.
