WAW ready to try

[EnergyAZ]

Hello!

My WAW has had a change of heart and has come back to the table ready and willing to give this another shot.

She moved out in October and her lease runs another 6 months, so we plan to take this time to 'date' and rebuild slowly. We have identified a counselor and will start in Feb.

I have a date with her tonight!! :-)

We made a few 'rules'

1.) No talking about the past unless its pleasant memory
2.) No talking about divorce
3.) No criticism, a commitment to treat each other with respect

Anything else I should be aware of? I still have plenty of unhappy feelings I need to sort out, but easily put on the back burner for now. I am just concerned when/if they come rolling out. We will keep all heavy relationship talk to counseling sessions, but accidents happen and I really want to avoid shooting myself in the foot.

First step is tonight - I want it to be a good one! Any suggestions?

[BobbiJo]

If you agreed not to talk much about the past and no divorce talk, I would say treat it as it is, a first date. Do the kinds of things you would have done when you were dating in the first place. Of course with one advantage, you know more about her so you can talk with her about work, friends, tv shows you both watch, etc. Keep it light, upbeat, and fun. Let her see a confident, happy you. Who doesn't like that?

I think there is a lot to be said for trying to contain the "issues" for counseling sessions, be it joint or individual counseling. I know in my case whenever H and I were alone together I brought up our 'issues' and how to 'fix' them and it helped drive H away, because I was not being 'fun' or 'upbeat' in those times. It isn't that you don't have to talk about those things, but like you said, choose a time and place for that. And then spend other times, like your date, just having fun together again.

What are you doing for your date??

[EnergyAZ]

We have a son together so our 'date' is very informal since we couldnt get a babysitter in time.

She invited me to her apt for dinner. It will be a little awkward to be in her new apt, but I will get over it.

Bringing wine, flowers & upbeat and excited attitude!


Yes, we also did the whole bringing up issues with each other...we did that to death. And no, its not fun. Its the opposite of fun. And we just couldnt seem to stop bringing it up, and it always seemed to bring out the worst in both of us.

So we learned that is a very effective buzz kill and neither one of us wants that! We know how delicate our situation is, but in the same light we both seem pretty excited. I just hope when the 'newness' starts to fade, we dont slip into poor habit.

But with her not living in the house and not in each other's faces every day, I think it will be easier to avoid the hard questions that are better left for the MC sessions.

[Bridgestone]

I'll be watching this with interest...

I have been under the impression that the 4 stages of reconcilliation were

#1- Reduction of negative feelings (cleaning out the corners of the old R)
#2- Friendship
#3 - romance
#4- Intimacy/reconcilliation

I have not read enough of your sitch to know if #1 & 2 have been accomplished in your mind? In your wifes?

I wish the best tonight!
Let us know how it went.
Peace
Bridge